I keep wanting people in my town to see me drinking whisky in the park

[the_only_ugly_YWG]

I live in a pretty small but not that small where most people still know eachother and if you go out for a walk you'll see at least a couple reoccurring people, and I'm autistic myself, weird looking, have tourettes, have insane anxiety so I probably look terrified all the time too, all this adds up to an extremely weird looking fucking dude, and most people in my town either stare at me like I'm some freak show, completely pretend to not see me, laugh at me, or pity me and talk to me in that slow voice that they usually reserve for children

The part that hurts the absolute most is the getting spoken to like I'm a child/disabled person, so yeah I have autism and I have tourettes and I think I also just have one of those weird faces that immediately signals to people "disabled" even though I'm fucking not, it's so completely utterly unbearable for me to think about the very real possibility that people see me as disabled, so I've taken up this weird desire for the reoccurring people in my town and at my gym to see me drinking, I usually sit at the park bench to chill out and reflect especially in the spring and summer, and sometimes when a reoccurring person comes along I'll just deliberately hold the bottle of whisky in my so they see it, not even actually drinking out of it, just being seen with a half empty bottle of whisky so it looks like I have been drinking it, recently I've even turned up to the gym drunk in hopes that the regulars there who just either stare at me weirdly or treat me like I lowkey have downs syndrome either smell the alcohol on me or see me being visibly more relaxed and fluid or whatever

I know that how this looks is anything but high status and cool, but id so much rather be seen as an unstable crazy alcoholic than be seen as mentally fucking slow and disabled, being seen as some unhinged alcoholic wildcard feels like an *upgrade* from being seen as mentally slow and disabled, this has become like my last ditch attempt at "altering" peoples perceptions of me into something that is still fucking degenerate as shit, but is still magnitudes better than being seen as disabled and someone to just feel sorry for or just pretend is not there, I'm never going to ever be percieved as this normal guy I want to be percieved as so desperate, so fuck it I might as well do this to make them percieve me as an unhinged alcoholic rather than a slow person, because THAT still somehow feels better than being seen as mentally disabled


I already lift pretty heavy compared to other gymgoers with my same build, but it's still not enough and people there still either stare at me like I have three fucking eyes or they just talk to me like I'm slow, so chances are they probably just brush off my lifting as just "retard strength" or something, so I've taken to the being tipsy enough at the gym to smell and drinking alone in the park shenanigans in hopes that they'll think "oh he can't be mentally slow because if he was he wouldn't be allowed to drink on his own at the park"

I fucking hate being pitied so much that this is the lengths I go to to be percieved as literally just fucking ANYTHING besides mentally slow and pitiful, I don't have the social skills or whatever to just be seen at the gym effortlessly talking to people, I'm just too awkward and people end up not understanding my speech clearly and I have to repeat myself and I'm generally just awkward as fucking shit, it's just not in my neurology to ever be able to present as "normal" and I can't fucking accept that, at all,
At. All...

 

[ToBurble&Pine]

no one cares

 

[HotDogCel]

I already lift pretty heavy

 

[Wolnir]

no one cares

The real blackpill

 

[kerberos41]

I think alcohol might not be helpful, but if it can make you feel a little better.

The part that hurts the absolute most is the getting spoken to like I'm a child/disabled person

You are already very capable, but if you care too much about others' opinions, you will still get stuck in the quagmire of emotions. The vast majority of people in this world don't care about others' feelings. You want to prove to them that you are not disabled, but they don't care who you are, what you have experienced or done. Do people always judge people by their appearance

 

[evil-inkie]

I live in a pretty small but not that small where most people still know eachother and if you go out for a walk you'll see at least a couple reoccurring people, and I'm autistic myself, weird looking, have tourettes, have insane anxiety so I probably look terrified all the time too, all this adds up to an extremely weird looking fucking dude, and most people in my town either stare at me like I'm some freak show, completely pretend to not see me, laugh at me, or pity me and talk to me in that slow voice that they usually reserve for children

The part that hurts the absolute most is the getting spoken to like I'm a child/disabled person, so yeah I have autism and I have tourettes and I think I also just have one of those weird faces that immediately signals to people "disabled" even though I'm fucking not, it's so completely utterly unbearable for me to think about the very real possibility that people see me as disabled, so I've taken up this weird desire for the reoccurring people in my town and at my gym to see me drinking, I usually sit at the park bench to chill out and reflect especially in the spring and summer, and sometimes when a reoccurring person comes along I'll just deliberately hold the bottle of whisky in my so they see it, not even actually drinking out of it, just being seen with a half empty bottle of whisky so it looks like I have been drinking it, recently I've even turned up to the gym drunk in hopes that the regulars there who just either stare at me weirdly or treat me like I lowkey have downs syndrome either smell the alcohol on me or see me being visibly more relaxed and fluid or whatever

I know that how this looks is anything but high status and cool, but id so much rather be seen as an unstable crazy alcoholic than be seen as mentally fucking slow and disabled, being seen as some unhinged alcoholic wildcard feels like an *upgrade* from being seen as mentally slow and disabled, this has become like my last ditch attempt at "altering" peoples perceptions of me into something that is still fucking degenerate as shit, but is still magnitudes better than being seen as disabled and someone to just feel sorry for or just pretend is not there, I'm never going to ever be percieved as this normal guy I want to be percieved as so desperate, so fuck it I might as well do this to make them percieve me as an unhinged alcoholic rather than a slow person, because THAT still somehow feels better than being seen as mentally disabled


I already lift pretty heavy compared to other gymgoers with my same build, but it's still not enough and people there still either stare at me like I have three fucking eyes or they just talk to me like I'm slow, so chances are they probably just brush off my lifting as just "retard strength" or something, so I've taken to the being tipsy enough at the gym to smell and drinking alone in the park shenanigans in hopes that they'll think "oh he can't be mentally slow because if he was he wouldn't be allowed to drink on his own at the park"

I fucking hate being pitied so much that this is the lengths I go to to be percieved as literally just fucking ANYTHING besides mentally slow and pitiful, I don't have the social skills or whatever to just be seen at the gym effortlessly talking to people, I'm just too awkward and people end up not understanding my speech clearly and I have to repeat myself and I'm generally just awkward as fucking shit, it's just not in my neurology to ever be able to present as "normal" and I can't fucking accept that, at all,
At. All...

i feel you brocel

ovER

nevermind the troll responses, incel forums are full of fakecels



its true that being seen as an alcoholic can feel a little better than a fucking retard. jfl. but still. i think they will probably just think that you are not only retarded but also alone without anyone who cares about you, and that's why you drink. i dont think this will work.

i think you should try to leave the place if you can

or if not, play the harmless retard for a while and then kidnap and rape some girl and never get caught fuck them