Hope you get better brocel. I know personally how it feels to self-sabotage. I don't drink but I eat a lot of food to the point of passing out and peeing a lot, sometimes peeing myself. Once because my penis was so small and I was dazed I sat down on my toilet seat and peed all over the floor because the penis was pointing out of the toilet bowl and into the rest of the bathroom, and I had to spend half an hour making sure the bathroom was in pristine condition.
Edit: peeing a lot because of blood sugar problems from eating