I believe I know what love feels like, it feels warm, not like the warmth of the sun, not like a stove or any type of fire. It comes from the depths of my soul that will stay dormant forever. I can see it in my dreams. A family, a wife, love. Love that I will never achieve, never even get close to ascertaining, all because of my faulty genetics, and shitty facial structure. It eats away at me every waking moment. I just want to be loved. To be cared for, to be appreciated for who I am, I know it’s cope to even have dreams about this, but goddamn it man, I didn’t sign up for this hell. I just wanted to get a decent job, and find someone who could love me for me. I don’t know what decade love suddenly died (ngl it’s probably the 90s) but I want to experience it. I sit here staring at my ceiling, wondering about coulda woulda shouldas about a future I will never have. I just want to be happy. Even for just a moment. Just to have that special someone, could light my soul aflame forever. Sometimes I wake up from these dreams, after the fact I start to bawl my eyes out, because I know for a fact, that feeling I had in that dream, will never carry itself anywhere outside of my mind. Sometimes I just sit outside for hours and look at the sky and wonder, why me?
