You sound like you have a very strong faith in Islam. I am a hardcore atheist so it's hard for me to understand but I have a weird love. Hate relationship with Muslims. I will not get into it right now. But I do want to say that I myself. Do not believe that there is an afterlife. When we die, our consciousness is gone and we will never be a thing ever again. We shut down forever. And that is a good thing. Because I believe life is inherently cruel and filled with a lot of unnecessary suffering that everyone. Some more than others obviously some a lot more than others. But everybody suffers to an extent. It's overrated. Why should I even exist when there is so much pain in the world? Just because everybody else is. We didn't come here with our consent. We didn't choose to be born now that I'm here. I tend to live my life to the fullest by means of hedonism and laziness. And I read intellectual books. And I try to learn new things, and that's pretty much. What keeps me from committing suicide? Knowing that I can learn things and use my head.