Serious I have to occupy my mind constantly to feel okay

[Deleted member 8353]

The less I consume escapism, the more suicidal I feel. If my mind is unoccupied, I think about my past, my future, realities of life in general, and I just progressively feel worse and worse the longer I continue to actually think. I've been like this for a years now, it's gotten worse over time, and it gets to the point where I will just lay on my bed completely despondent, sometimes crying, and the only things which will get me out of that state again are sleep and physical pain.

I suppose the only real benefit to this, is that when I'm ready to kms it won't take much extra effort to motivate myself, I'll just have to sit around long enough and think. Also I guess it's not so bad since if I consistently make myself focus on something pleasant, then I feel alright. The main problem is that I can't seem to be okay with my own thoughts and my honest assessment of life.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Same thing here, I've literally been engaging in escapism since I was a little kid. When I was at school I'd be wishing I was home the moment I got there. And when school was over I'd rush home to be on the computer to escape with some random bullshit. And then school turned into uni, uni into work, and shit never changed. I still rush home to do some escapist bullshit that I forget about 5 minutes after I engage in it.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Same thing here, I've literally been engaging in escapism since I was a little kid. When I was at school I'd be wishing I was home the moment I got there. And when school was over I'd rush home to be on the computer to escape with some random bullshit. And then school turned into uni, uni into work, and shit never changed. I still rush home to do some escapist bullshit that I forget about 5 minutes after I engage in it.

Yeah, I guess it just manifests differently for me. I mean I have to be occupied with a game, or maybe an anime, something like that usually. Oftentimes I will do something like browse Youtube, end up doing basically nothing, and then I start feeling like shit again. Physical work also helps, as it's easy for me to focus on that.

I think that I started doing this when I was 11, or maybe 12, and now I'm far worse than I was as a kid.

 

[Tenshi]

Imagine how shitty it'll get once you run out of these copes and the only thing left is to ldar, that's where I am now.

Too much idleness is not good for the mind tbh especially if you have an above average IQ. That's why I'd rather wageslave, NEET life is not mentally sustainable in the long run.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Imagine how shitty it'll get once you run out of these copes and the only thing left is to ldar, that's where I am now.

Too much idleness is not good for the mind tbh especially if you have an above average IQ. That's why I'd rather wageslave, NEET life is not mentally sustainable in the long run.

Tbh being NEET for too many years might contribute to this, that's probably true. Although I also feel terrible around people, so I can't win. Maybe if I can find a way to consistently make money online, something that I like to focus on, that would help.

 

[Tenshi]

Tbh being NEET for too many years might contribute to this, that's probably true. Although I also feel terrible around people, so I can't win. Maybe if I can find a way to consistently make money online, something that I like to focus on, that would help.

The best option is to find a job where you don't need to socialize that much yet it can keep you pretty busy and focused. I've found working around few people (but yet not alone) to be quite good tbh It improved my social skills a little bit and didn't make me anxious.