Is it considered schizo ?
There was this girl in my previous high school I found utterly pretty and fit although she never even looked at me before. For the last half of the first year I saw her, I let it slide. But the next year I started thinking about that and having a massive crush on her. We never even talked and never even had any eye contact, she wasn't even in my classroom I only saw her by occasion in breaks or inter-class.
She wasn't that pretty there was obviously other model but I just felt something special about her. As a reminder, I'm autistic and I have been a lost filthy social reject for basically my whole life and this applied especially in high school where I spent my whole 3 years entirely alone. That means I couldn't even think of approaching her knowing that she has a pretty high social circle and she's always with her friends (you know how hostile a foid group can be like), while I was just a random ugly 5'6" lonely social outcast, this would have looked very creepy and I would probably have been humiliated in a way that I might have haunted me for the rest of my life.
My feelings were too unbearable my only cope was to start to imagine she was my girlfriend and she was there talking to me. I didn't know I was gonna regret that...
The fact that I imagined her being my girlfriend became overwhelming to the point she now constituted an integral part of my life and was constantly there : when I was in class I never listened and I imagined having passionate conversation with her, when I went home, I imagined her waiting in my room laying in my bed to cuddle me because I had a bad day and even sometimes fuck me. In the morning when I woke up I used to take breakfast with her and she would always fuck with me (I'm horny as fuck when I just woke up), during the day I dreamed about tons of crazy scenarios where we walked together along a magnificent landing or we would go to some rollercoaster or a restaurant, but it's not over.
When I travelled with my family I imagined her in the car with me and I always felt emotionally fulfilled and confident in her virtual presence, when I went isolate myself in public spaces, I was naively waiting for her to come by surprise IRL so I could finally grab the opportunity to talk to her in a context off highschool, although there never was anybody but I was endlessly hoping anyways, I never felt sad because this is what delusion feels like.
This has lasted more than 2 years in which I spent my life in constant imagination of her presence, I never actually lived and never saw reality the way it was at this time, because she was constantly there and I could imagine whatever I wanted to with her.
During all this time, I found lots of different ways to get to know her without talking to her, and I managed to get her first and last name as well as her Instagram with my normie friend's help, I knew it was her profile.
Came the end of high school because it all was essentially happening during the whole last year, I knew we were more than ever approaching the very end and I would never see her again after the finals. So I started taking action, but not in good ways. What I did first is that I bought a ticket for the final ballet of the high school thinking this would be my last chance if she even gets there to ask her to dance with me after which I might start dating her.
What I did then (because I'm a fucked up retard rat-piss-brained) I went to DM her on Instagram and I started writing random stuff like "T" or "HHHHHHHH" or "ddifigkrendbxj" or sending her random reels to attract her attention and say "are you coming to the final ballet ?" and then delete the message as soon. She completely ignored it which I could understand.
I waited for the end of the school year to do it because I feared getting humiliated for asking her out in public. I then sent a concrete and honest message in which I said that I really wanted to talk to her and get to know her, she first asked me who I was. I responded with my old copy-pasted massage I had written saying that I've been observing her for a very long time and I'm in crush, she just asked me for a second time who I was. So I told her that I'm a guy in her high school and she even saw me sometimes (she probably knew, I have the reputation of an ugly weirdo loner to some of the people she knows because they're in my classroom). She just responded that she was already in a relationship and this won't go any further.
My only friend (not in my school) knew that I had a crush on a girl and when I told him she was in a relationship, he asked another of his friends about that girl that was in the same mid school as her and that other guy told me that she actually has been in a relationship with the same guy for more than 6 years now and they're still together, her boyfriend just wasn't in the same high school. When I asked for a physical description, he gave me his Instagram profile and I wasn't surprised to learn that her boyfriend totally mogged me to fucking O.B.L.I.V.I.O.N., he's a fit tallfag, blonde fringe-haircut Chad with a squared face.
The hardest part has been to try moving on by obliterating this girl in my head I never had any real story with and even if it wasn't so painful it still took me around 8 months to definitely block out her fake presence and find a "stable" state of mind again.
I cannot believe that I fell in love with a poor innocent normie foid that has been in a relationship with a Chad for a couple of years to the point I lived an entire part of my life in her virtual presence even imagining her a new personality she probably didn't even have in real life in hope she would ever come to give me a chance. I'm a fucking creep... I need to be locked inside a room forever
There was this girl in my previous high school I found utterly pretty and fit although she never even looked at me before. For the last half of the first year I saw her, I let it slide. But the next year I started thinking about that and having a massive crush on her. We never even talked and never even had any eye contact, she wasn't even in my classroom I only saw her by occasion in breaks or inter-class.
She wasn't that pretty there was obviously other model but I just felt something special about her. As a reminder, I'm autistic and I have been a lost filthy social reject for basically my whole life and this applied especially in high school where I spent my whole 3 years entirely alone. That means I couldn't even think of approaching her knowing that she has a pretty high social circle and she's always with her friends (you know how hostile a foid group can be like), while I was just a random ugly 5'6" lonely social outcast, this would have looked very creepy and I would probably have been humiliated in a way that I might have haunted me for the rest of my life.
My feelings were too unbearable my only cope was to start to imagine she was my girlfriend and she was there talking to me. I didn't know I was gonna regret that...
The fact that I imagined her being my girlfriend became overwhelming to the point she now constituted an integral part of my life and was constantly there : when I was in class I never listened and I imagined having passionate conversation with her, when I went home, I imagined her waiting in my room laying in my bed to cuddle me because I had a bad day and even sometimes fuck me. In the morning when I woke up I used to take breakfast with her and she would always fuck with me (I'm horny as fuck when I just woke up), during the day I dreamed about tons of crazy scenarios where we walked together along a magnificent landing or we would go to some rollercoaster or a restaurant, but it's not over.
When I travelled with my family I imagined her in the car with me and I always felt emotionally fulfilled and confident in her virtual presence, when I went isolate myself in public spaces, I was naively waiting for her to come by surprise IRL so I could finally grab the opportunity to talk to her in a context off highschool, although there never was anybody but I was endlessly hoping anyways, I never felt sad because this is what delusion feels like.
This has lasted more than 2 years in which I spent my life in constant imagination of her presence, I never actually lived and never saw reality the way it was at this time, because she was constantly there and I could imagine whatever I wanted to with her.
During all this time, I found lots of different ways to get to know her without talking to her, and I managed to get her first and last name as well as her Instagram with my normie friend's help, I knew it was her profile.
Came the end of high school because it all was essentially happening during the whole last year, I knew we were more than ever approaching the very end and I would never see her again after the finals. So I started taking action, but not in good ways. What I did first is that I bought a ticket for the final ballet of the high school thinking this would be my last chance if she even gets there to ask her to dance with me after which I might start dating her.
What I did then (because I'm a fucked up retard rat-piss-brained) I went to DM her on Instagram and I started writing random stuff like "T" or "HHHHHHHH" or "ddifigkrendbxj" or sending her random reels to attract her attention and say "are you coming to the final ballet ?" and then delete the message as soon. She completely ignored it which I could understand.
I waited for the end of the school year to do it because I feared getting humiliated for asking her out in public. I then sent a concrete and honest message in which I said that I really wanted to talk to her and get to know her, she first asked me who I was. I responded with my old copy-pasted massage I had written saying that I've been observing her for a very long time and I'm in crush, she just asked me for a second time who I was. So I told her that I'm a guy in her high school and she even saw me sometimes (she probably knew, I have the reputation of an ugly weirdo loner to some of the people she knows because they're in my classroom). She just responded that she was already in a relationship and this won't go any further.
My only friend (not in my school) knew that I had a crush on a girl and when I told him she was in a relationship, he asked another of his friends about that girl that was in the same mid school as her and that other guy told me that she actually has been in a relationship with the same guy for more than 6 years now and they're still together, her boyfriend just wasn't in the same high school. When I asked for a physical description, he gave me his Instagram profile and I wasn't surprised to learn that her boyfriend totally mogged me to fucking O.B.L.I.V.I.O.N., he's a fit tallfag, blonde fringe-haircut Chad with a squared face.
The hardest part has been to try moving on by obliterating this girl in my head I never had any real story with and even if it wasn't so painful it still took me around 8 months to definitely block out her fake presence and find a "stable" state of mind again.
I cannot believe that I fell in love with a poor innocent normie foid that has been in a relationship with a Chad for a couple of years to the point I lived an entire part of my life in her virtual presence even imagining her a new personality she probably didn't even have in real life in hope she would ever come to give me a chance. I'm a fucking creep... I need to be locked inside a room forever
