Serious I have enough but i don't want to die

[Livonica_Irreale]

I can't withstand anymore my internal pain. My headaches & static noise in head starts to drive me insane. I cannot vent anywhere IRL, because i'm perpetually gaslighted. Nobody wants to listen someone in horrible mental condition.
I fantasise about killing my father & grandmother (in GTA: San Andreas) for what they've did to me. Nobody IRL could understand my burning with passion hatred, for them it's of course overexaggerating, just be cool bro - nothing happened.
This is too much for me. I can't make any relationship happen, when i'm in a bad mood nobody wants to listen me venting, meanwhile i'm doing this constantly, often unwillingly.
I don't want to die. There's still things i like to do, and i have some internal plan for my future, but i this pain is fucking crushing me. I can't focus on anything, when someone says to me - i need them to repeat louder, because static is fucking raping my ears constantly.
I won't of course do something to me, but i'm afraid that my brain will damage itself, and i'll end up as a brainroted 30 years old dementiac.

 

[Deleted member 8078]

I wouldn't recommend roping until you're approaching 30. Maybe your life does turn around soon. I certainly hoped it would for me but alas it never happened. I'll rope either shortly before or shortly after my 30th birthday, which is a bit over a year from now.

 

[Livonica_Irreale]

I wouldn't recommend roping until you're approaching 30. Maybe your life does turn around soon. I certainly hoped it would for me but alas it never happened. I'll rope either shortly before or shortly after my 30th birthday, which is a bit over a year from now.

I don't want to rope ever. I think though my body will euthanise itself, by burning out neurones and synapses gradually.

 

[Livonica_Irreale]

I guess i'll just get into my car and vent by riding around countryside.

 

[GmeOvr]

I can't withstand anymore my internal pain.

Alcohol or jewpills might provide some releaf?

My headaches & static noise in head starts to drive me insane.

Tinnitus? Listen to music that overshadows it. Try aspirin or other medications

cannot vent anywhere IRL, because i'm perpetually gaslighted.

Correct. But you can vent here and will be told the truth

Nobody wants to listen someone in horrible mental condition.

I am also two inches away from the rope, I can relate to this.

I fantasise about killing my father & grandmother (in GTA: San Andreas) for what they've did to me.

I recommend going no-contact with them, I have done this for many years already. You will end up forgetting them.

Nobody IRL could understand my burning with passion hatred, for them it's of course overexaggerating, just be cool bro - nothing happened.

Most people cannot comprehend what we are going through.

I can't make any relationship happen, when i'm in a bad mood nobody wants to listen me venting, meanwhile i'm doing this constantly, often unwillingly.

They don't want to be your psychological counselor and this for free. NO ONE IS THERE TO HELP YOU. The theRAPIST do their job for the $$$ and don't give a F about your wellbeing.
YOU are the only one that can get you out of this.

There's still things i like to do, and i have some internal plan for my future, but i this pain is fucking crushing me.

That's a good starting point.

I can't focus on anything, when someone says to me - i need them to repeat louder, because static is fucking raping my ears constantly.

Damn, what happened to your ears? Did it happen recently? I have tinnitus too, it won't get away but at least with time you can ignore it and adapt. Benzo pills can also reduce it.

I won't of course do something to me, but i'm afraid that my brain will damage itself, and i'll end up as a brainroted 30 years old dementiac.

You are too young to rope IMO, but if it doesn't get better you can still unborn yourself later

 

[Livonica_Irreale]

Alcohol or jewpills might provide some releaf?

Since 18 i'm constantly on pills, and they helps me keep going, but the pain is still here. With alcohol same - it works for a very short period. And with more doses, tolerance is rising so it's basically dead end.

Tinnitus? Listen to music that overshadows it. Try aspirin or other medications

I'm constantly trying to listen, but i want to hear silence sometimes. Not fucking earrape all the time.

I recommend going no-contact with them, I have done this for many years already. You will end up forgetting them.

I will. I plan to spend this years christmas renting a room in agro-touristical facility, or some dead hotel in the middle of nowhere. Just to run away from everything.

They don't want to be your psychological counselor and this for free. NO ONE IS THERE TO HELP YOU. The theRAPIST do their job for the $$$ and don't give a F about your wellbeing.
YOU are the only one that can get you out of this.

I've been teached to do this since very early childhood.

Damn, what happened to your ears? Did it happen recently? I have tinnitus too, it won't get away but at least with time you can ignore it and adapt. Benzo pills can also reduce it.

It happens sometimes, but last time when my mental health plummeted down (since 1,5 months), it's basically eternal. The worst shit is headache, but not migraine one - but something like pouring an acid on top of your head. I can't stand this shit, it hurts like a burn.

You are too young to rope IMO, but if it doesn't get better you can still unborn yourself later

I didn't said anything about roping. I don't want to, but i'm losing my sanity. I don't know what the fuck will i do when my brain stops working properly at all.