Whenever I feel particularly hopeless I get the feeling that some powerful entity finds my suffering amusing.
When I overdosed on drugs I had hallucinations where I tore my clothes apart and jumped into a window wanting it to stop. I was being thrown in a lower dimensional world full of pain, nothing compared to the pain in this life and a sadist overlord ruled over me at the time. At least that's what my brain experienced.
I'm tapering off my anti psychotic medication currently so maybe that's where these thoughts are coming from. But is it really just in my head? What is the purpose for all my suffering? My subhuman face and voice directly inhibit me from connecting with other people. The feelings I have are real enough to the point where science can't really describe that world. Although psychoanalysis maybe could. I just get this strange feeling that my life was created by the same sadist entity for his amusement.
Your lives have been created for different reasons, or maybe you guys don't have that "soul", maybe you're just created for my experience. But you obviously have lives too, you're not Npcs either, you're on the same complexity level as me, even though sometimes it feels like normies are not. They really seem like npcs sometimes.
When I overdosed on drugs I had hallucinations where I tore my clothes apart and jumped into a window wanting it to stop. I was being thrown in a lower dimensional world full of pain, nothing compared to the pain in this life and a sadist overlord ruled over me at the time. At least that's what my brain experienced.
I'm tapering off my anti psychotic medication currently so maybe that's where these thoughts are coming from. But is it really just in my head? What is the purpose for all my suffering? My subhuman face and voice directly inhibit me from connecting with other people. The feelings I have are real enough to the point where science can't really describe that world. Although psychoanalysis maybe could. I just get this strange feeling that my life was created by the same sadist entity for his amusement.
Your lives have been created for different reasons, or maybe you guys don't have that "soul", maybe you're just created for my experience. But you obviously have lives too, you're not Npcs either, you're on the same complexity level as me, even though sometimes it feels like normies are not. They really seem like npcs sometimes.
