I'll try to keep this short. I'm rejoining the forum, but only to respond to messages, and to lurk without being banned. I'm not going crazy with posts because I already said most of what I wanted to say. Maybe I'm the only truecel on .is, I'm sorry if my threads annoyed you, but it was my coping mechanism and I no longer have friends (Everyone at my University saw the video, my entire reputation was destroyed, viral lolcow) so I tell it to you. It does hurt my feelings a bit when people don't take me seriously anymore or want me gone but I get mockery and insults everyday so it's aight. It was annoying but I needed the attention and support because I was in a vulnerable state. I type and act like this because of autism. I don't tell you "stop being ugly", so why are you calling me "cringe", "edgy", "immature". I genuinely can't help it.
I was very close to killing myself, genuinely, texting the suicidal hotline everyday and I had methods. I watched gore/watchpeopledie. tv. When you watch a bunch of suicide videos, you realize it's actually not hard to kill yourself, because there's so many ways to kill yourself. Crying, punching doors in regret, gore. On Sunday, I brushed my teeth at 9 PM after laying in bed calling hotlines and crying all day. I avoid looking in mirrors. Maybe you can call me crazy or make fun of me for making these posts and not moving on, but what would you do if you were humiliated in front of millions? I wish I could write in a sophisticated "smart" way but God gave me nonNT.
I still am a sensitive person. Every insult cuts deep, and I feel intense shame and regret for being alive. Even that remark or joke hurts my feelings a lot. I got the Tiktok removed, I filed a privacy and defamation complaint for the YouTube videos, I have multiple grounds. (Defamation; I was 17, not 21, therefore the statements aren't true. I'm not a 21 year old virgin. The thumbnail and title harm my public and professional reputation. Privacy; I didn't consent to the videos being posted on all platforms; I was a minor; my brother didn't consent and he's a 13 year old minor.) I want to get the videos removed on social media. Obviously? Because it destroys my reputation and it was the worst mistake of my life.
I want to rebuild but I'm not moving on. I still have mental problems but I'm more stable now. I was doing some pushups, tried to study for a bit. I'm not hiding from the public. Ironically, maybe it's because my brother knows how much I regret the call, he doesn't laugh at me anymore, maybe he's concerned? I'm going to fail my 1st semester of University because of the FitXFearless video (I genuinely couldn't study because I was obsessed over FitXFearless and calling/texting 988), I'll learn how to study. I'll get a job, use a calendar. I don't have to go to a psych ward/hospital. So I won't kill myself, I'll rebuild. Move on from FitXFearless? Fuck no, that ruined my entire life. I can never move on from that shit. If you want to help me, help me in getting the videos removed from the official accounts (The tiktok got removed), report, file a complaint on my behalf, I want the videos to be taken down. And if I get my money up, in my mid 20's, I want some financial compensation from FitXFearless for destroying my life and ruining my reputation in front of millions at 17. Wouldn't be "Sasuke"cel without the revenge. I'm not going to willingly let myself be humiliated. TLDR: I won't kill myself, I'll rebuild my life, and I'm adamant in my decision to try to get the videos down and go after FitxFearless for putting me in this position. I can never be the same psychologically, it fucked my mind and reparation has to happen, likely through legality.
