Why had I have to be so fucking lazy and stupid, why havnt I focused on education more. Im not so low IQ, I would even Idare to say Im above average.f I had tried I could pass with B's and A's with some occasional Cs, if any. Like I dont say Im genious, but smart.Like, all psychologists, teachers friends(the couple I have) have benn sayimg that Im smart, so must be somewhat true(this is not to brag, but to closer depict my frustration). Im close to being absolute looser, always have been, but I realized this only once I turned 18. It took me 18 fucking years to realize that Im a looser, mostly because of my own actons, in this case, more like inaction.
I have never been truly passionate about anything, parents have even been forcing me to play a musical instrument, but I havent realized that this could be good for me in long run, back then I just cared about videogames and porn, so I simply havent practicced, so my music teacher daid there is no meaning to continue play. And now, I dont even play games. My day usuay looks somehow ike this:
1- wake upt, usually tired
2- go to school and barely pay any attention, I daydream most of the time there.
3- come home
4- rot, rot ,rot,
5- jack off
6- rot rot rot
7- dinner
8- rot, rot, rot
9- jack off
10 - sleep
I have almost no social slills, 2 friends, no hobbies at all, and thats it.
And for years my inner narcisism has been feeding up this worldview that Im somehow outlier, that one day I will just try a bit and get everything, just, not now, its ok If I rot for a day longer, Ill start tomorrow. But one day Im gona make it and be abowe all of those NPCS and show them my supperiority. Then Ill get surgeries to mog, marry a beautifull girl and all is gona be good. How could have I believed It? Well, I realized, I have never had. It was all just a dellusion, fantasy that I created for myself to cope, but it only made my life worse. Deep down I have always know this was a coping mechanism, I just never fully admited it, just now. I was too scared to fave the real world, so I created a fantasy bubble where Im genious, better then the others. But now I can fully admit, the opposete is the true. Im 18 yo rotmaxxer with almost no life experience. What to do now? I wont rope.
I have never been truly passionate about anything, parents have even been forcing me to play a musical instrument, but I havent realized that this could be good for me in long run, back then I just cared about videogames and porn, so I simply havent practicced, so my music teacher daid there is no meaning to continue play. And now, I dont even play games. My day usuay looks somehow ike this:
1- wake upt, usually tired
2- go to school and barely pay any attention, I daydream most of the time there.
3- come home
4- rot, rot ,rot,
5- jack off
6- rot rot rot
7- dinner
8- rot, rot, rot
9- jack off
10 - sleep
I have almost no social slills, 2 friends, no hobbies at all, and thats it.
And for years my inner narcisism has been feeding up this worldview that Im somehow outlier, that one day I will just try a bit and get everything, just, not now, its ok If I rot for a day longer, Ill start tomorrow. But one day Im gona make it and be abowe all of those NPCS and show them my supperiority. Then Ill get surgeries to mog, marry a beautifull girl and all is gona be good. How could have I believed It? Well, I realized, I have never had. It was all just a dellusion, fantasy that I created for myself to cope, but it only made my life worse. Deep down I have always know this was a coping mechanism, I just never fully admited it, just now. I was too scared to fave the real world, so I created a fantasy bubble where Im genious, better then the others. But now I can fully admit, the opposete is the true. Im 18 yo rotmaxxer with almost no life experience. What to do now? I wont rope.
