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Venting I found a perfect place in my house to hang myself.

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I'm preparing for it. I had looked around before and couldn't find a suitable place. Today I looked again and found a perfect place. It is high up and it looks like it is strong enough to support my weight falling from a certain height. And some hours ago, I found the perfect rope to do it, very strong and at the right price. I felt so relieved, it was like a weight got lifted from my shoulders. I can have a way out, finally.

1 —
Firstly, I have to finish writing my manifesto, but at this point I don't even know if I will even do that. Most of it will be like Elliot's manifesto, telling the story of my life and what led me down this rabbit hole. The problem is that I can't tell much, since I barely have any memory about my life, it feels like everything got erased and most of the things I remember are faint flashes I don't even know if they relate to real memories.

I am tired of suffering. I am lost, I have been lost my entire life. I DID NOT choose to suffer, but at some point my emotional life started going downhill more and more, and it never went back to normal. Every day passing is one more day it goes even further downhill. Schizophrenia is destroying me. The peak of the madness was in 2014, and then it died down a bit but it was still very intense, and it is intense to this day. I lost my hability to think clearly and my mind is just wandering all the time, does not matter what I am doing. It feels like I am not even alive anymore. It feels like I am never there, never in the moment. I have been living a life of emotional humiliation for far too long. Many people have brutally humiliated me, in public, and privately. Last time it was my brother that brutally humiliated me in every way possible and even physicailly threatened me, my mom and her boyfriend. Not surprising knowing that he got in a physical fight with my mom not too long ago and it was not the first time that happened.

2 —
I long for company, be understood, have someone to sleep by my side, and someone that will be there by my side when I wake up. I long for touch and comfort. I need touch, someone to trust in and share what I think be it good or bad. I am tired of saving everything for me in secret and venting everything out through coded messages in places scattered throghout the internet. I need someone that would stand by my side to guide me through hardships, and support me when I feel I have no ground. Would that save me? No. Because what I feel would still be with me. Sex would not be a demand, if it would have to happen, ok. But I don't think it would work. When I even try to masturbate, I feel no pleasure at all, it is highly uncomfortable and unpleasant. Sometimes I have some wet dreams, and inside them I can feel a bit of pleasure, even if very faint, but even that is infinitely better than what I feel in real life when I try to masturbate when I have very annoying, random erections that last for hours, even if I am not even thinking about sex or looking at anything suggestive. It is exhaustive, it is annoying, it is painful and sometimes severely hinders my sleep since I can't fall asleep due to the immense pain I feel when that happens. Sometimes I dream I have a girl. We are happy, laughing, having a good time, bonding, and in these dreams, I feel and intense feeling of euphoria, happiness, fulfillment, companionship, accomplishment, feeling loved and wanted, respected, it is overwhelmingly good, it is like a drug and feels very real. It is surreal, it feels SO real. And then I wake up and face the dead reality, waking up alone in my cold, isolated bed, where my only company is my computer waiting for me in the corner with all its RGB lights and overkill amount of monitors plugged at once. Every time I wake up from these dreams I feel like dying. I would prefer to never wake up from them. They feel good, a parallel reality where I am happy and have a life. In reality, I am always alone, never talking to someone or a friend, because I have no friend and no one wants me around. Unlike other people, I really tried talking to girls, maybe hundreds of them, and they would always get repulsed by me, be rude, or ghost me forever. I tried to be the best I could, talk about fun topics, ask how their day was, what they would like to improve in their day to day activities and so on. But I would always get one-word answers, and that, if they even bothered to answer.

It came to a point where I see I will die alone, without ever feeling what it is like to be loved and receive affection, be understood and listened to. I would love to come home and have a girl, ask her how was her day, if anything good happened and so on. Someone to share things with. I will never have any of that. Sex would be one of the last priorities, I just want to feel an emotional connection, building a bridge of trust and bonding, someone I know would stand up for me just as I would stand up for her. These dreams are suicidefuel... because I feel the intense feelings I always wanted to experience and I will die without ever experiencing them. My soul has been dead for far too long. My emotions are dead. Looking at happy people outside, especially couples, makes me want to die, because they are experiencing what I always wanted and will never get. I imagine they feel like they are in heaven.

3 —
I tried dating apps but they are an utter dead-end. I live in a dangerous place and they could very well be catfish profiles, I set up a date and would probably get kidnapped by the uber driver or get mugged and killed at gunpoint when I arrive somewhere to meet with the girl, that happens WAY too often, or the girl could be a guy and it is a setup for a mugging or kidnaping. I've heard FAR TOO MANY stories of this happening in this hellscape place. Apart from that, every girl that gives me likes are super fat and ugly black girls or gay dudes. Don't get me wrong, I would totally date a black girl without thinking twice, but these girls that give me likes are so damn repulsive. They are not even a bit fat or chubby, they are straight up obese and very repulsive, look like complete cumdumps.
If they look somewhat decent, like the thousands of the amazingly beautiful black girls I've seen in the app, I would totally be down for a date with them, but these ones giving me likes? No, thanks, even if someone paid me thousands, I would refuse it. I would not be capable of being with someone I find physically repulsive. I just have a taste, I know there are people out there that like them, but I am not one of them. Physical attraction is VERY important if you want to have something with someone, you can't possibly get physically intimate with someone you think is very repulsive in every way. I am completely sure that these girls must have pretty good humor and personalities but I simple and not into their type.

I have to admit I have VERY LOW standards, for example, I think the most fucking bland, almost invisible average girls out there are deadly beautiful in my eyes, but these ones giving me likes? Hell fucking no. They weight like 160kg and look like the type with body counts in the hundreds. If they were the most average girl possible with a decent body, and by decent I mean not being blatant overweight, I would completely match with them and get to know them, but I can't do this with girls I find repulsive because they don't take care of their weight.

4 —
You must be questioning if I myself take care of me? Yes, I do the best I can. I clean my skin as much as I can to prevent oil build up, pimples and so on. I brush my teeth at LEAST 5 times a day, then I floss and use mouth wash liquid aftewards every single time. I take on AVERAGE 3 showers a day, sometimes more if I feel I got even a little bit of sweat. I do at least 3 complete health check ups with my doctors per year to check if anything possible is wrong with my body. So yeah, I try my best to take care of myself.

5 —
There is a group of friends that gave me a like, I looked at them and they seemed to be very cool and outgoing people, very extroverted that have tons of fun together, but I refuse to match because they are far out of my league. I am way too shy, way too closed and I have literally 0 interest in drinking alcohol. Besides that, what would I do with them? What the fuck would I talk about? Complain about life? Talk about a subject I might know something about but would sound like loser nerd stuff for them? Or the ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC thing of being straight up ignored and no one listening to me and taking me seriously. I don't drink, I don't like going out with a bunch of people I have no fucking idea who they are. They are all good looking and seem to be a very open social circle but this is really not for me. My final opinion on them is that they look like they are pretty cool people and very socially active, and that is VERY intimidating for me. I don't know what to talk about. I don't talk, I whisper. And being someone that drinks 0 alcohol and refuses to do it, would be kinda strange for them since they always go out to drink and have a good time. This is just not the place and ambient for an extreme introvert and shy person like me, I am extremely reserved. I sincerely hope they find more people to join them and they are much more likely than me to fit with them. I am just not the person for that, although, I wish I was, I would be in a social circle. Would be useless anyway, since I don't know what to talk about nor do I know how to respond to situations. I am deep in the autism spectrum and interacting with people, no matter how simple, was always a mystery for me, it would NOT end well and at the end I would be cast out and rejected by the group.

6 —
I have been suffering for 14 years now. I've had enough. Enough is enough. Everything only gets worse, and I can't really do anything about it.
So, I've been emotionally dead for a long time now, there's nothing that distracts me in the slightest sense of the word. I don't enjoy watching interesting videos anymore, I have extreme difficult learning anything, I can't absorb the simplest form of intormation, I can't play my favorite games anymore even though I still love them from the bottom of my heart.
I reached a dead-end and roping is the only way out. All I feel is an immense, undescribable despair, dread, regret and feel like an utter failure.
Sincerely, I am happy that my father died. At least he didn't live to see the failure I have become. I can't even imagine the reaction of the old man, a REAL MAN that faced life fearlessly and fought with everything he could to provide everything for the family and raised my brother like it was his real son even though he was not, and my brother loved him more than his biological father, because he was THAT good of a father. I miss that guy dude, I miss him so much. Our weekly travels, the days we would go out to eat at restaurants before he would take me to school, the days he would take me to the city for a walk and shit. Everywhere he would go I would go with him as well, as I was so attached to him. He died 14 years ago and his absence eats my soul all the time and I can't control it. But you know what? I think it is better this way, because I don't know what would be his reaction seeing the failure I have become. I would not bare knowing I had disappointed him so deeply.
I will die alone, unhappy, feeling unwanted, unloved, casted out, laughed at. I did not choose this, this is just how my life came to be.
I will go back to the process of writing my manifesto but I am not sure if I will ever finish it.
I never found a purpose in this life, nothing interests me in the slightest sense of the word. There is nothing that I think I would like to know more about and make a living out of. I don't want to live in this hell hole country working 15 hours a day with something I hate to receive a salary that is barely enough to pay electricity bills which is one of the most expensive on the planet.
I lost all the lotteries of life. This is not fair. I just... wanted to be happy. I am being lost by mental illness, my speech is less and less coherent, my actions, my memory fading within seconds of something.

7 —
My thing with girls is that they always saw me as inferior, and would joke about me all the time. While using dating apps, I would never give most girls a like, because I am such a subhuman they would probably feel disgusted to receive a like from a repulsive fucking idiot like me. In this country all girls you look in the street are like the next world level super model and it is kinda intimidating to even give them a like, I feel like shit from even looking at them, let alone giving them a like so they look at my repulsive face. They would never give me any chance. Well, at the end, I gave hundreds of likes to girls, even the most bland average girls you can possibly think of, which I think are gorgeous, and it never lead to anything back from them. I got a few matches, I sent messages and they didn't even bother to reply to visualize the messages, and then they would unmatch. This is extremely demotivating and I am soon giving it all up. This is leading nowhere. I never wanted to create a profile in a dating app, but someone else basically forced me to, as a challenge, and to be honest, I took the challenge very seriously just to prove that I am right about myself, now I can at least smear in the face of this idiot how right I was about all this.

I just... am tired of suffering. And what I wrote here is not even 1% of what actually goes on, the rest... I can't talk about.

8 —
At the end... I feel relieved. I found a place in my own house to end myself. I also found the perfect rope online and will be buying it next month, and put it somewhere. I will have a way out of this, I want a way out of this and the only way is the end of life. I just need to find strength and will to finish my manifesto which I typed just a few lines.
I didn't want to become a bitter person, but this is what I am now. I just... wanted to be happy, have a life, get to see the world, experience life, all its sights, build memories, bond with someone and feel fulfilled with what I have done in life. Unfortunately, my life is the complete opposite.

Sorry for the long rant. That's it guys. I have a way out. I've got enough of life. And enough is enough. I don't want to carry this weight anymore. It's too much to carry and I am too tired. I found my way out and will hopefully achieve it when I finish what I have to do.
 
Deleted member 33902

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I'm sorry you have chose to do this. But I can not blame you. This world sucks...
 
Deleted member 19971

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SlutLiberationFront said:
Sorry for the long rant. That's it guys. I have a way out. I've got enough of life. And enough is enough. I don't want to carry this weight anymore. It's too much to carry and I am too tired. I found my way out and will hopefully achieve it when I finish what I have to do.
RIP if you actually go through with it

How old are you if you don't mind me asking/
 
Deleted member 33560

Deleted member 33560

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See you tomorrow
 
Saudade

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Why rope when you can make them angry by just existing
 
Deleted member 33827

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Saudade said:
Why rope when you can make them angry by just existing
Cope.
He's also making himself more miserable every passing day. He is not making anyone angry lol it's just an incel fantasy. No one gives a fuck about him, if he kills himself no one will look for him untill his corpse rots and smells of dead rat around the neighborhood.

It's either Cope, rope or go ER.
 
the virgin shepherd

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Posting your manifesto and then not doing it would be a bad idea. Personally I don't think you will go through with it as most individuals with suicidal thoughts don't, but hey, maybe I'm wrong.

Just take a walk, that's what I do. :feelsbadman:
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Nukethisgayearth said:
See you tomorrow
I'll be here tomorrow and for a loooon time. As long as I am writing the manifesto or just not doing anything, I will be here.
 
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SlutLiberationFront said:
I'll be here tomorrow and for a loooon time. As long as I am writing the manifesto or just not doing anything, I will be here.
See you tomorrow
 
SlutLiberationFront

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the virgin shepherd said:
Posting your manifesto and then not doing it would be a bad idea. Personally I don't think you will go through with it as most individuals with suicidal thoughts don't, but hey, maybe I'm wrong.

Just take a walk, that's what I do. :feelsbadman:
Well, ER inspired me to write my own manifesto. People have told me a billion times to write a book, so I will do the total opposite and just write a shitty manifest exposing my opinions and telling whatever I can remember about my life, and there is not much I remember about my life since I've lost most of my memory through the years.
I just got enough, I am tired of suffering everyday non-stop with nothing to ever stop it or get me out of this state of mind.
 
sub6 nintendocel

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SlutLiberationFront said:
I'm preparing for it. I had looked around before and couldn't find a suitable place. Today I looked again and found a perfect place. It is high up and it looks like it is strong enough to support my weight falling from a certain height. And some hours ago, I found the perfect rope to do it, very strong and at the right price. I felt so relieved, it was like a weight got lifted from my shoulders. I can have a way out, finally.

1 —
Firstly, I have to finish writing my manifesto, but at this point I don't even know if I will even do that. Most of it will be like Elliot's manifesto, telling the story of my life and what led me down this rabbit hole. The problem is that I can't tell much, since I barely have any memory about my life, it feels like everything got erased and most of the things I remember are faint flashes I don't even know if they relate to real memories.

I am tired of suffering. I am lost, I have been lost my entire life. I DID NOT choose to suffer, but at some point my emotional life started going downhill more and more, and it never went back to normal. Every day passing is one more day it goes even further downhill. Schizophrenia is destroying me. The peak of the madness was in 2014, and then it died down a bit but it was still very intense, and it is intense to this day. I lost my hability to think clearly and my mind is just wandering all the time, does not matter what I am doing. It feels like I am not even alive anymore. It feels like I am never there, never in the moment. I have been living a life of emotional humiliation for far too long. Many people have brutally humiliated me, in public, and privately. Last time it was my brother that brutally humiliated me in every way possible and even physicailly threatened me, my mom and her boyfriend. Not surprising knowing that he got in a physical fight with my mom not too long ago and it was not the first time that happened.

2 —
I long for company, be understood, have someone to sleep by my side, and someone that will be there by my side when I wake up. I long for touch and comfort. I need touch, someone to trust in and share what I think be it good or bad. I am tired of saving everything for me in secret and venting everything out through coded messages in places scattered throghout the internet. I need someone that would stand by my side to guide me through hardships, and support me when I feel I have no ground. Would that save me? No. Because what I feel would still be with me. Sex would not be a demand, if it would have to happen, ok. But I don't think it would work. When I even try to masturbate, I feel no pleasure at all, it is highly uncomfortable and unpleasant. Sometimes I have some wet dreams, and inside them I can feel a bit of pleasure, even if very faint, but even that is infinitely better than what I feel in real life when I try to masturbate when I have very annoying, random erections that last for hours, even if I am not even thinking about sex or looking at anything suggestive. It is exhaustive, it is annoying, it is painful and sometimes severely hinders my sleep since I can't fall asleep due to the immense pain I feel when that happens. Sometimes I dream I have a girl. We are happy, laughing, having a good time, bonding, and in these dreams, I feel and intense feeling of euphoria, happiness, fulfillment, companionship, accomplishment, feeling loved and wanted, respected, it is overwhelmingly good, it is like a drug and feels very real. It is surreal, it feels SO real. And then I wake up and face the dead reality, waking up alone in my cold, isolated bed, where my only company is my computer waiting for me in the corner with all its RGB lights and overkill amount of monitors plugged at once. Every time I wake up from these dreams I feel like dying. I would prefer to never wake up from them. They feel good, a parallel reality where I am happy and have a life. In reality, I am always alone, never talking to someone or a friend, because I have no friend and no one wants me around. Unlike other people, I really tried talking to girls, maybe hundreds of them, and they would always get repulsed by me, be rude, or ghost me forever. I tried to be the best I could, talk about fun topics, ask how their day was, what they would like to improve in their day to day activities and so on. But I would always get one-word answers, and that, if they even bothered to answer.

It came to a point where I see I will die alone, without ever feeling what it is like to be loved and receive affection, be understood and listened to. I would love to come home and have a girl, ask her how was her day, if anything good happened and so on. Someone to share things with. I will never have any of that. Sex would be one of the last priorities, I just want to feel an emotional connection, building a bridge of trust and bonding, someone I know would stand up for me just as I would stand up for her. These dreams are suicidefuel... because I feel the intense feelings I always wanted to experience and I will die without ever experiencing them. My soul has been dead for far too long. My emotions are dead. Looking at happy people outside, especially couples, makes me want to die, because they are experiencing what I always wanted and will never get. I imagine they feel like they are in heaven.

3 —
I tried dating apps but they are an utter dead-end. I live in a dangerous place and they could very well be catfish profiles, I set up a date and would probably get kidnapped by the uber driver or get mugged and killed at gunpoint when I arrive somewhere to meet with the girl, that happens WAY too often, or the girl could be a guy and it is a setup for a mugging or kidnaping. I've heard FAR TOO MANY stories of this happening in this hellscape place. Apart from that, every girl that gives me likes are super fat and ugly black girls or gay dudes. Don't get me wrong, I would totally date a black girl without thinking twice, but these girls that give me likes are so damn repulsive. They are not even a bit fat or chubby, they are straight up obese and very repulsive, look like complete cumdumps.
If they look somewhat decent, like the thousands of the amazingly beautiful black girls I've seen in the app, I would totally be down for a date with them, but these ones giving me likes? No, thanks, even if someone paid me thousands, I would refuse it. I would not be capable of being with someone I find physically repulsive. I just have a taste, I know there are people out there that like them, but I am not one of them. Physical attraction is VERY important if you want to have something with someone, you can't possibly get physically intimate with someone you think is very repulsive in every way. I am completely sure that these girls must have pretty good humor and personalities but I simple and not into their type.

I have to admit I have VERY LOW standards, for example, I think the most fucking bland, almost invisible average girls out there are deadly beautiful in my eyes, but these ones giving me likes? Hell fucking no. They weight like 160kg and look like the type with body counts in the hundreds. If they were the most average girl possible with a decent body, and by decent I mean not being blatant overweight, I would completely match with them and get to know them, but I can't do this with girls I find repulsive because they don't take care of their weight.

4 —
You must be questioning if I myself take care of me? Yes, I do the best I can. I clean my skin as much as I can to prevent oil build up, pimples and so on. I brush my teeth at LEAST 5 times a day, then I floss and use mouth wash liquid aftewards every single time. I take on AVERAGE 3 showers a day, sometimes more if I feel I got even a little bit of sweat. I do at least 3 complete health check ups with my doctors per year to check if anything possible is wrong with my body. So yeah, I try my best to take care of myself.

5 —
There is a group of friends that gave me a like, I looked at them and they seemed to be very cool and outgoing people, very extroverted that have tons of fun together, but I refuse to match because they are far out of my league. I am way too shy, way too closed and I have literally 0 interest in drinking alcohol. Besides that, what would I do with them? What the fuck would I talk about? Complain about life? Talk about a subject I might know something about but would sound like loser nerd stuff for them? Or the ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC thing of being straight up ignored and no one listening to me and taking me seriously. I don't drink, I don't like going out with a bunch of people I have no fucking idea who they are. They are all good looking and seem to be a very open social circle but this is really not for me. My final opinion on them is that they look like they are pretty cool people and very socially active, and that is VERY intimidating for me. I don't know what to talk about. I don't talk, I whisper. And being someone that drinks 0 alcohol and refuses to do it, would be kinda strange for them since they always go out to drink and have a good time. This is just not the place and ambient for an extreme introvert and shy person like me, I am extremely reserved. I sincerely hope they find more people to join them and they are much more likely than me to fit with them. I am just not the person for that, although, I wish I was, I would be in a social circle. Would be useless anyway, since I don't know what to talk about nor do I know how to respond to situations. I am deep in the autism spectrum and interacting with people, no matter how simple, was always a mystery for me, it would NOT end well and at the end I would be cast out and rejected by the group.

6 —
I have been suffering for 14 years now. I've had enough. Enough is enough. Everything only gets worse, and I can't really do anything about it.
So, I've been emotionally dead for a long time now, there's nothing that distracts me in the slightest sense of the word. I don't enjoy watching interesting videos anymore, I have extreme difficult learning anything, I can't absorb the simplest form of intormation, I can't play my favorite games anymore even though I still love them from the bottom of my heart.
I reached a dead-end and roping is the only way out. All I feel is an immense, undescribable despair, dread, regret and feel like an utter failure.
Sincerely, I am happy that my father died. At least he didn't live to see the failure I have become. I can't even imagine the reaction of the old man, a REAL MAN that faced life fearlessly and fought with everything he could to provide everything for the family and raised my brother like it was his real son even though he was not, and my brother loved him more than his biological father, because he was THAT good of a father. I miss that guy dude, I miss him so much. Our weekly travels, the days we would go out to eat at restaurants before he would take me to school, the days he would take me to the city for a walk and shit. Everywhere he would go I would go with him as well, as I was so attached to him. He died 14 years ago and his absence eats my soul all the time and I can't control it. But you know what? I think it is better this way, because I don't know what would be his reaction seeing the failure I have become. I would not bare knowing I had disappointed him so deeply.
I will die alone, unhappy, feeling unwanted, unloved, casted out, laughed at. I did not choose this, this is just how my life came to be.
I will go back to the process of writing my manifesto but I am not sure if I will ever finish it.
I never found a purpose in this life, nothing interests me in the slightest sense of the word. There is nothing that I think I would like to know more about and make a living out of. I don't want to live in this hell hole country working 15 hours a day with something I hate to receive a salary that is barely enough to pay electricity bills which is one of the most expensive on the planet.
I lost all the lotteries of life. This is not fair. I just... wanted to be happy. I am being lost by mental illness, my speech is less and less coherent, my actions, my memory fading within seconds of something.

7 —
My thing with girls is that they always saw me as inferior, and would joke about me all the time. While using dating apps, I would never give most girls a like, because I am such a subhuman they would probably feel disgusted to receive a like from a repulsive fucking idiot like me. In this country all girls you look in the street are like the next world level super model and it is kinda intimidating to even give them a like, I feel like shit from even looking at them, let alone giving them a like so they look at my repulsive face. They would never give me any chance. Well, at the end, I gave hundreds of likes to girls, even the most bland average girls you can possibly think of, which I think are gorgeous, and it never lead to anything back from them. I got a few matches, I sent messages and they didn't even bother to reply to visualize the messages, and then they would unmatch. This is extremely demotivating and I am soon giving it all up. This is leading nowhere. I never wanted to create a profile in a dating app, but someone else basically forced me to, as a challenge, and to be honest, I took the challenge very seriously just to prove that I am right about myself, now I can at least smear in the face of this idiot how right I was about all this.

I just... am tired of suffering. And what I wrote here is not even 1% of what actually goes on, the rest... I can't talk about.

8 —
At the end... I feel relieved. I found a place in my own house to end myself. I also found the perfect rope online and will be buying it next month, and put it somewhere. I will have a way out of this, I want a way out of this and the only way is the end of life. I just need to find strength and will to finish my manifesto which I typed just a few lines.
I didn't want to become a bitter person, but this is what I am now. I just... wanted to be happy, have a life, get to see the world, experience life, all its sights, build memories, bond with someone and feel fulfilled with what I have done in life. Unfortunately, my life is the complete opposite.

Sorry for the long rant. That's it guys. I have a way out. I've got enough of life. And enough is enough. I don't want to carry this weight anymore. It's too much to carry and I am too tired. I found my way out and will hopefully achieve it when I finish what I have to do.
no balls
 
Nebuchadnezzar

Nebuchadnezzar

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I just finished reading what you wrote, damn it, friend, life has hit you hard. You don't deserve this. :cryfeels::cryfeels::cryfeels: Why is life so damn unfair? :feelsbadman:
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Nebuchadnezzar said:
I just finished reading what you wrote, damn it, friend, life has hit you hard. You don't deserve this. :cryfeels::cryfeels::cryfeels: Why is life so damn unfair? :feelsbadman:
lol what I wrote in this post is not even 1% of the shit that happened and keeps happening. Shit is infinitely worse than what is in this thread.
Nebuchadnezzar said:
If you have some money I am a poor cellar with $ 10 I could eat a week or something like that. Jfl, on the other hand, why commit suicide? why not go to ER (in GTA V). In addition, if you are going to commit suicide, I recommend you drink liquor until you are drunk before doing it and if you can get marijuana and some better Aspirin, so you can leave this world without so much pain.
I can't go ER. Guns are illegal and impossible to find unless you are involved with drug cartels.
 
cancerousgreed

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Nebuchadnezzar

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SlutLiberationFront said:
lol what I wrote in this post is not even 1% of the shit that happened and keeps happening. Shit is infinitely worse than what is in this thread.

I can't go ER. Guns are illegal and impossible to find unless you are involved with drug cartels.
Mexicano? Hablas español no?
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Nebuchadnezzar said:
Mexicano? Hablas español no?
Hm, drug cartels are not exclusive to Mexico. Most countries on the planet have drug cartels operating in them, especially armed and dangerous in countries where guns are illegal for citizens.
 
Nebuchadnezzar

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sub6 nintendocel said:
You're a bloody insider from IT or some other page. :feelsUgh:
 
sub6 nintendocel

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Nebuchadnezzar said:
You're a bloody insider from IT or some other page. :feelsUgh:
keep on dreaming:feelskek:
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Nebuchadnezzar said:
You're a bloody insider from IT or some other page. :feelsUgh:
There are many of them in this forum. Just go take a look at their screenshot posts. It's just them creating fake accounts to send ridiculous messages to themselves and screenshotting them to post in the sub as if these people are we attacking them. Absolutely fucking pathetic.
 
Nebuchadnezzar

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SlutLiberationFront said:
There are many of them in this forum. Just go take a look at their screenshot posts. It's just them creating fake accounts to send ridiculous messages to themselves and screenshotting them to post in the sub as if these people are we attacking them. Absolutely fucking pathetic.
Yes, but most of them did not actively participate, they are the eternal grays. This guy is OBVIOUS that he is a fucking infiltrator, there are already several publications initiating the suicide of members and he simply repeats our phrases too much. The guy is an obvious Infiltrator bastard. I don't know why the moderators haven't banned it.
 
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Every passing day it gets heavier than the day before...
 
dirtykombatcel

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I want to cause as much discomfort and displeasure as I can before going out (in roblox pizza delivery simulator)
 
RREEEEEEEEE

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Don't kill yourself brocel. :cryfeels:
 
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RREEEEEEEEE said:
Don't kill yourself brocel. :cryfeels:
It will take a long time, I have to do a lot of stuff, like writing my manifesto and a lot of other things. It can take years. I will be around for a long time.
 
Eugenicelsarefunny

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Too fucking long, are you going ER before roping?
 
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Eugenicelsarefunny said:
Too fucking long, are you going ER before roping?
Guns are not allowed for citizens, so no. The only way to do that would pay billions for a basic gun in the blackmarket or become part of a drug gang.
Fuck that, dude.
 
Therapywasaaste

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Lot of words, sorry though.
 
RREEEEEEEEE

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SlutLiberationFront said:
It will take a long time, I have to do a lot of stuff, like writing my manifesto and a lot of other things. It can take years. I will be around for a long time.
I hope it takes years so by then your life will improve and you won't resort to this. :feelsLSD:
 
SlutLiberationFront

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Told you I would be here tomorrow and for many years to come.
 
SlayerSlayer

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it would be cool to hang yourself in a golf club. Imagine some Chad caddy trying to unhook your noose with a golf club standing atop of golf cart . . . as the champagne crowd browse their phone for a less traumatic golf club farther away from them
 
Meus

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Don't do it. ThERe are bettER solutions bro.
 
erenyeager

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SlutLiberationFront

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Meus @Meus erenyeager @erenyeager I don't know. My mind has been plagued by confusion, violent mood swings and thoughts, and mental illness for my whole life and I don't think such thing is reversible.
 
W

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Low-tier normies will be sad after you hang yourself.. because then they become the low-man on the totem pole.
 
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WizardofSoda said:
Low-tier normies will be sad after you hang yourself.. because then they become the low-man on the totem pole.
As funny as that sounds, it unfortunately rangs true.
 
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SlutLiberationFront said:
As funny as that sounds, it unfortunately rangs true.

Ya I wondered why in my 20's low-tier normies always were trying to get me to go out to places with them even though I told them I don't like going, and I stopped.

The reason I am not dead yet is I don't participate in anything so I'm not being humiliated for bad genetics. For example at a place like a bar I'm never the low man there, because i never go. i'll let tall Chads go there, and some low-tier normies who go and then feel awful as they are mogged down so hard and get so little attention with women.

people can't even feel sorry for me or look down on me, because i never go where people are.

like i can buy a lot of groceries at one time. Then keep my head down and don't look at girls, pay for my stuff and leave.
 
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If you’re gonna do it please be sensible and call the non emergency line before and tell them to pick you up / cut you down, after you’re do your thing, so no one gets traumatized.
But don’t do it.
 
NorthernWind

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Where do you live? EE?
 
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Im16AndPreg said:
If you’re gonna do it please be sensible and call the non emergency line before and tell them to pick you up / cut you down, after you’re do your thing, so no one gets traumatized.
But don’t do it.
I don't get my mom would be traumatized, she has seen and dealt with a lot of dead people before and saw a lot of death in her years working as nurse technician and ambulance emergency. She has quite some interesting stories to tell.
 
Mecoja

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Every your post is so relatable harsh brutal reality. Im sorry you have go troughs such life full of misery, im sorry for everyone of us. My eyes teared up reading your story. Im not gonna tell you what to do because i dont know what to do with myself.
 
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SlutLiberationFront said:
I don't get my mom would be traumatized, she has seen and dealt with a lot of dead people before and saw a lot of death in her years working as nurse technician and ambulance emergency. She has quite some interesting stories to tell.
I think that there’s a difference when it comes to family, especially her son, now I don’t know you twos relation, but it will affect in some way, but imo at least clean up the mess, you’re gonna make before leaving.
But just don’t do it, there are options still even for us.
 
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Im16AndPreg said:
I think that there’s a difference when it comes to family, especially her son, now I don’t know you twos relation, but it will affect in some way, but imo at least clean up the mess, you’re gonna make before leaving.
But just don’t do it, there are options still even for us.
There are no options when your sanity depends on getting rid of mental disorders with no cure.
 
Last edited:
AnotherInsertCel

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SlutLiberationFront said:
since I barely have any memory about my life, it feels like everything got erased and most of the things I remember are faint flashes I don't even know if they relate to real memories.
Relatable af.
 
Deleted member 33893

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There are too many points to address because my mind isn't clear enough to do that.

You sound like someone who was wronged yet you never thought about extracting your revenge. Your mother is clearly a whore and your brother does not deserve to be called that.

I don't think you have schizophrenia. You just lost your mind from years of rotting away like I did. I don't think there is a way out of this either because we lack any motivation to "improve" ourselves. I am currently in costant pain, pacing around my room and having mental breakdowns. I can't focus on anything for more than 5 minutes and I fail at everything I try.
 
CrackingYs

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If you live in the US why wouldn't you just buy a gun?
 
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BladingEagle said:
There are too many points to address because my mind isn't clear enough to do that.

You sound like someone who was wronged yet you never thought about extracting your revenge. Your mother is clearly a whore and your brother does not deserve to be called that.

I don't think you have schizophrenia. You just lost your mind from years of rotting away like I did. I don't think there is a way out of this either because we lack any motivation to "improve" ourselves. I am currently in costant pain, pacing around my room and having mental breakdowns. I can't focus on anything for more than 5 minutes and I fail at everything I try.
Yo same dude, I'm also in constant pain and a feeling of emptiness and pacing around my room a lot.
SlutLiberationFront said:
I'm preparing for it. I had looked around before and couldn't find a suitable place. Today I looked again and found a perfect place. It is high up and it looks like it is strong enough to support my weight falling from a certain height. And some hours ago, I found the perfect rope to do it, very strong and at the right price. I felt so relieved, it was like a weight got lifted from my shoulders. I can have a way out, finally.

1 —
Firstly, I have to finish writing my manifesto, but at this point I don't even know if I will even do that. Most of it will be like Elliot's manifesto, telling the story of my life and what led me down this rabbit hole. The problem is that I can't tell much, since I barely have any memory about my life, it feels like everything got erased and most of the things I remember are faint flashes I don't even know if they relate to real memories.

I am tired of suffering. I am lost, I have been lost my entire life. I DID NOT choose to suffer, but at some point my emotional life started going downhill more and more, and it never went back to normal. Every day passing is one more day it goes even further downhill. Schizophrenia is destroying me. The peak of the madness was in 2014, and then it died down a bit but it was still very intense, and it is intense to this day. I lost my hability to think clearly and my mind is just wandering all the time, does not matter what I am doing. It feels like I am not even alive anymore. It feels like I am never there, never in the moment. I have been living a life of emotional humiliation for far too long. Many people have brutally humiliated me, in public, and privately. Last time it was my brother that brutally humiliated me in every way possible and even physicailly threatened me, my mom and her boyfriend. Not surprising knowing that he got in a physical fight with my mom not too long ago and it was not the first time that happened.

2 —
I long for company, be understood, have someone to sleep by my side, and someone that will be there by my side when I wake up. I long for touch and comfort. I need touch, someone to trust in and share what I think be it good or bad. I am tired of saving everything for me in secret and venting everything out through coded messages in places scattered throghout the internet. I need someone that would stand by my side to guide me through hardships, and support me when I feel I have no ground. Would that save me? No. Because what I feel would still be with me. Sex would not be a demand, if it would have to happen, ok. But I don't think it would work. When I even try to masturbate, I feel no pleasure at all, it is highly uncomfortable and unpleasant. Sometimes I have some wet dreams, and inside them I can feel a bit of pleasure, even if very faint, but even that is infinitely better than what I feel in real life when I try to masturbate when I have very annoying, random erections that last for hours, even if I am not even thinking about sex or looking at anything suggestive. It is exhaustive, it is annoying, it is painful and sometimes severely hinders my sleep since I can't fall asleep due to the immense pain I feel when that happens. Sometimes I dream I have a girl. We are happy, laughing, having a good time, bonding, and in these dreams, I feel and intense feeling of euphoria, happiness, fulfillment, companionship, accomplishment, feeling loved and wanted, respected, it is overwhelmingly good, it is like a drug and feels very real. It is surreal, it feels SO real. And then I wake up and face the dead reality, waking up alone in my cold, isolated bed, where my only company is my computer waiting for me in the corner with all its RGB lights and overkill amount of monitors plugged at once. Every time I wake up from these dreams I feel like dying. I would prefer to never wake up from them. They feel good, a parallel reality where I am happy and have a life. In reality, I am always alone, never talking to someone or a friend, because I have no friend and no one wants me around. Unlike other people, I really tried talking to girls, maybe hundreds of them, and they would always get repulsed by me, be rude, or ghost me forever. I tried to be the best I could, talk about fun topics, ask how their day was, what they would like to improve in their day to day activities and so on. But I would always get one-word answers, and that, if they even bothered to answer.

It came to a point where I see I will die alone, without ever feeling what it is like to be loved and receive affection, be understood and listened to. I would love to come home and have a girl, ask her how was her day, if anything good happened and so on. Someone to share things with. I will never have any of that. Sex would be one of the last priorities, I just want to feel an emotional connection, building a bridge of trust and bonding, someone I know would stand up for me just as I would stand up for her. These dreams are suicidefuel... because I feel the intense feelings I always wanted to experience and I will die without ever experiencing them. My soul has been dead for far too long. My emotions are dead. Looking at happy people outside, especially couples, makes me want to die, because they are experiencing what I always wanted and will never get. I imagine they feel like they are in heaven.

3 —
I tried dating apps but they are an utter dead-end. I live in a dangerous place and they could very well be catfish profiles, I set up a date and would probably get kidnapped by the uber driver or get mugged and killed at gunpoint when I arrive somewhere to meet with the girl, that happens WAY too often, or the girl could be a guy and it is a setup for a mugging or kidnaping. I've heard FAR TOO MANY stories of this happening in this hellscape place. Apart from that, every girl that gives me likes are super fat and ugly black girls or gay dudes. Don't get me wrong, I would totally date a black girl without thinking twice, but these girls that give me likes are so damn repulsive. They are not even a bit fat or chubby, they are straight up obese and very repulsive, look like complete cumdumps.
If they look somewhat decent, like the thousands of the amazingly beautiful black girls I've seen in the app, I would totally be down for a date with them, but these ones giving me likes? No, thanks, even if someone paid me thousands, I would refuse it. I would not be capable of being with someone I find physically repulsive. I just have a taste, I know there are people out there that like them, but I am not one of them. Physical attraction is VERY important if you want to have something with someone, you can't possibly get physically intimate with someone you think is very repulsive in every way. I am completely sure that these girls must have pretty good humor and personalities but I simple and not into their type.

I have to admit I have VERY LOW standards, for example, I think the most fucking bland, almost invisible average girls out there are deadly beautiful in my eyes, but these ones giving me likes? Hell fucking no. They weight like 160kg and look like the type with body counts in the hundreds. If they were the most average girl possible with a decent body, and by decent I mean not being blatant overweight, I would completely match with them and get to know them, but I can't do this with girls I find repulsive because they don't take care of their weight.

4 —
You must be questioning if I myself take care of me? Yes, I do the best I can. I clean my skin as much as I can to prevent oil build up, pimples and so on. I brush my teeth at LEAST 5 times a day, then I floss and use mouth wash liquid aftewards every single time. I take on AVERAGE 3 showers a day, sometimes more if I feel I got even a little bit of sweat. I do at least 3 complete health check ups with my doctors per year to check if anything possible is wrong with my body. So yeah, I try my best to take care of myself.

5 —
There is a group of friends that gave me a like, I looked at them and they seemed to be very cool and outgoing people, very extroverted that have tons of fun together, but I refuse to match because they are far out of my league. I am way too shy, way too closed and I have literally 0 interest in drinking alcohol. Besides that, what would I do with them? What the fuck would I talk about? Complain about life? Talk about a subject I might know something about but would sound like loser nerd stuff for them? Or the ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC thing of being straight up ignored and no one listening to me and taking me seriously. I don't drink, I don't like going out with a bunch of people I have no fucking idea who they are. They are all good looking and seem to be a very open social circle but this is really not for me. My final opinion on them is that they look like they are pretty cool people and very socially active, and that is VERY intimidating for me. I don't know what to talk about. I don't talk, I whisper. And being someone that drinks 0 alcohol and refuses to do it, would be kinda strange for them since they always go out to drink and have a good time. This is just not the place and ambient for an extreme introvert and shy person like me, I am extremely reserved. I sincerely hope they find more people to join them and they are much more likely than me to fit with them. I am just not the person for that, although, I wish I was, I would be in a social circle. Would be useless anyway, since I don't know what to talk about nor do I know how to respond to situations. I am deep in the autism spectrum and interacting with people, no matter how simple, was always a mystery for me, it would NOT end well and at the end I would be cast out and rejected by the group.

6 —
I have been suffering for 14 years now. I've had enough. Enough is enough. Everything only gets worse, and I can't really do anything about it.
So, I've been emotionally dead for a long time now, there's nothing that distracts me in the slightest sense of the word. I don't enjoy watching interesting videos anymore, I have extreme difficult learning anything, I can't absorb the simplest form of intormation, I can't play my favorite games anymore even though I still love them from the bottom of my heart.
I reached a dead-end and roping is the only way out. All I feel is an immense, undescribable despair, dread, regret and feel like an utter failure.
Sincerely, I am happy that my father died. At least he didn't live to see the failure I have become. I can't even imagine the reaction of the old man, a REAL MAN that faced life fearlessly and fought with everything he could to provide everything for the family and raised my brother like it was his real son even though he was not, and my brother loved him more than his biological father, because he was THAT good of a father. I miss that guy dude, I miss him so much. Our weekly travels, the days we would go out to eat at restaurants before he would take me to school, the days he would take me to the city for a walk and shit. Everywhere he would go I would go with him as well, as I was so attached to him. He died 14 years ago and his absence eats my soul all the time and I can't control it. But you know what? I think it is better this way, because I don't know what would be his reaction seeing the failure I have become. I would not bare knowing I had disappointed him so deeply.
I will die alone, unhappy, feeling unwanted, unloved, casted out, laughed at. I did not choose this, this is just how my life came to be.
I will go back to the process of writing my manifesto but I am not sure if I will ever finish it.
I never found a purpose in this life, nothing interests me in the slightest sense of the word. There is nothing that I think I would like to know more about and make a living out of. I don't want to live in this hell hole country working 15 hours a day with something I hate to receive a salary that is barely enough to pay electricity bills which is one of the most expensive on the planet.
I lost all the lotteries of life. This is not fair. I just... wanted to be happy. I am being lost by mental illness, my speech is less and less coherent, my actions, my memory fading within seconds of something.

7 —
My thing with girls is that they always saw me as inferior, and would joke about me all the time. While using dating apps, I would never give most girls a like, because I am such a subhuman they would probably feel disgusted to receive a like from a repulsive fucking idiot like me. In this country all girls you look in the street are like the next world level super model and it is kinda intimidating to even give them a like, I feel like shit from even looking at them, let alone giving them a like so they look at my repulsive face. They would never give me any chance. Well, at the end, I gave hundreds of likes to girls, even the most bland average girls you can possibly think of, which I think are gorgeous, and it never lead to anything back from them. I got a few matches, I sent messages and they didn't even bother to reply to visualize the messages, and then they would unmatch. This is extremely demotivating and I am soon giving it all up. This is leading nowhere. I never wanted to create a profile in a dating app, but someone else basically forced me to, as a challenge, and to be honest, I took the challenge very seriously just to prove that I am right about myself, now I can at least smear in the face of this idiot how right I was about all this.

I just... am tired of suffering. And what I wrote here is not even 1% of what actually goes on, the rest... I can't talk about.

8 —
At the end... I feel relieved. I found a place in my own house to end myself. I also found the perfect rope online and will be buying it next month, and put it somewhere. I will have a way out of this, I want a way out of this and the only way is the end of life. I just need to find strength and will to finish my manifesto which I typed just a few lines.
I didn't want to become a bitter person, but this is what I am now. I just... wanted to be happy, have a life, get to see the world, experience life, all its sights, build memories, bond with someone and feel fulfilled with what I have done in life. Unfortunately, my life is the complete opposite.

Sorry for the long rant. That's it guys. I have a way out. I've got enough of life. And enough is enough. I don't want to carry this weight anymore. It's too much to carry and I am too tired. I found my way out and will hopefully achieve it when I finish what I have to do.
I hope you find your peace man. Sounds like you had a rough life. I dont know how to feel about suicide, i feel like there will be something after our death that's disappointed we gave up. But that's just my perspective and ofcourse i dont know the truth. Whatever you do, i hope you find peace.
 
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DancingMonk

DancingMonk

gracefully aging boomercel (1974)
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I'm curious about the girls that do give you likes. I understand you find them repulsive, but they still have feminine traits you could explore, if not just pussy. I'm about to go out with an overweight chick that doesn't speak english, I know trying my best will make me a better person. I'm taking her for dinner so I'm thinking of a "sexy hangman" game could help flirting. I'm also trying to take the architect pill, like how Pierce Brosnan looks so proud of his landwhale. And hoping this date will motivate me to gain more social market value. If you have any other game ideas for a language barrier date, let me know.
 
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