Clinical depression since I was 14, I basically haven’t achieved anything since then, no pleasant memories, no memorable moments. Just nothingness. Now I’m 18 and honestly I feel sick. I’ve been homeschooled through most of my highschool so I never really socialized (I mean tbh even if I went to school I wouldn’t be friends with any of my classmates). I can’t beleive my teenage years are basically gone. So many regrets. Now I’m sitting in bed, I haven’t slept for more than 40 hours and I’m crying and rocking back and forth.
I’m in such a mess bros. Tomorrow is New Years Eve, I’m going to spend it alone.
In 5 months I have my finals which I’m not ready for at all and there is so much material I will never learn it not mentioning the fact I’m extremely low IQ. I hate my parents yet still I can’t disappoint them. Or hurt them with suicide.
Sorry for blog posting but I’m feeling extremely down I’m literally crying first time in years. Last few days were awful I was ready to commit suicide I went to railway tracks drunk but pussied out. I’m the only child of my parents and I couldn’t do such horrible thing. But I wish I could so the suffering stops.
My issues probably aren’t even that serious compared to others people lives but I just can’t take it anymore. And there is no way out except to go further into this life of pain and torture. And there are no do over you get one chance at life and I already slept through most of it. I sometimes feel like universe is trying to hurt me and see how much I can take but I know it’s not true and my suffering is purely random and no one even cares. Well at least I have this place to write and vent it would be much harder without this website.
Thank you all and again sorry for getting emotional and if something doesn’t make sense I havent slept for more than 40 hours
I’m in such a mess bros. Tomorrow is New Years Eve, I’m going to spend it alone.
In 5 months I have my finals which I’m not ready for at all and there is so much material I will never learn it not mentioning the fact I’m extremely low IQ. I hate my parents yet still I can’t disappoint them. Or hurt them with suicide.
Sorry for blog posting but I’m feeling extremely down I’m literally crying first time in years. Last few days were awful I was ready to commit suicide I went to railway tracks drunk but pussied out. I’m the only child of my parents and I couldn’t do such horrible thing. But I wish I could so the suffering stops.
My issues probably aren’t even that serious compared to others people lives but I just can’t take it anymore. And there is no way out except to go further into this life of pain and torture. And there are no do over you get one chance at life and I already slept through most of it. I sometimes feel like universe is trying to hurt me and see how much I can take but I know it’s not true and my suffering is purely random and no one even cares. Well at least I have this place to write and vent it would be much harder without this website.
Thank you all and again sorry for getting emotional and if something doesn’t make sense I havent slept for more than 40 hours
