Venting I feel like i have permanent disassociation

[Left4DeadBPDvictim]

Idk if I talked about this but ever since my mom almost died a little over a year ago I've felt a little disassociation.

I feel like I'm imagining everything that's happening right now and none of it is real.

I have this thought that she actually did die that day and my brain is on level 100 Copium to try and deny the reality that she died

Idek how or if it ever will stop

 

[Icarus]

Ye if my parents pass then I'm fucked

 

[Left4DeadBPDvictim]

Ye if my parents pass then I'm fucked

Even your dad?

From the things I've heard you say about him he seems like a pretty bad person.

Didn't you two fist fight before?

 

[Icarus]

Even your dad?

From the things I've heard you say about him he seems like a pretty bad person.

Didn't you two fist fight before?

Yeah. I still love them though, I mean they're all I got

My dad is just a delusional boomer, he doesn't understand the world.

 

[NIGGER BOJANGLES]

Your mom died? Fuck that's brutal. I thought she was alive

 

[Left4DeadBPDvictim]

Your mom died? Fuck that's brutal. I thought she was alive

Nah she's alive.

She almost died tho

 

[NIGGER BOJANGLES]

Nah she's alive.

She almost died tho

Ok, good. I'm so fucking tired that my brain missed the almost part of this thread. Glad to hear, because that would have been awful. I know losing my father sure was.

 

[Left4DeadBPDvictim]

Ok, good. I'm so fucking tired that my brain missed the almost part of this thread. Glad to hear, because that would have been awful. I know losing my father sure was.

I feel so bad for you and any other person who loses a parent.

Even tho I have my brother and dad and other family (and u guys too)

I think the pain would be to much for me and I'd probably rope.

I would forever be depressed asf and nothing would change it.

 

[NIGGER BOJANGLES]

I feel so bad for you and any other person who loses a parent.

Even tho I have my brother and dad and other family (and u guys too)

I think the pain would be to much for me and I'd probably rope.

I would forever be depressed asf and nothing would change it.

Yeah, it's hard losing one of the few people who cares about you. Losing him when I was 19 was just ridiculously brutal. I remember when I found him almost dead and barely breathing one time when I woke up. Then, in 2 days, he was dead. He passed away 5 minutes before the last time we went to visit him in the hospital. I still remember how crazy and surreal it felt to know that I'd never see him again after that. Plus, on the way back from the hospital he died in, one of the many places we used to go to car shows was near the main road, and seeing it at night in the dark knowing that he'd never be there with me again was so heavy.

But, I have to carry on and still enjoy what I can. Luckily, I have good memories of him

 

[Left4DeadBPDvictim]

Yeah, it's hard losing one of the few people who cares about you. Losing him when I was 19 was just ridiculously brutal. I remember when I found him almost dead and barely breathing one time when I woke up. Then, in 2 days, he was dead. He passed away 5 minutes before the last time we went to visit him in the hospital. I still remember how crazy and surreal it felt to know that I'd never see him again after that. Plus, on the way back from the hospital he died in, one of the many places we used to go to car shows was near the main road, and seeing it at night in the dark knowing that he'd never be there with me again was so heavy.

But, I have to carry on and still enjoy what I can. Luckily, I have good memories of him

Gigabrutal.

Do you tear up when you think about him?

I tear up whenever I think of the day that my mom almost died.

 

[NIGGER BOJANGLES]

Gigabrutal.

Do you tear up when you think about him?

I tear up whenever I think of the day that my mom almost died.

Sometimes on rare occasions. I definitely did that night after he died in the hospital. Now that's it's been many months, not much really. I still feel tons of nostalgia and miss him though. I'm just glad he went fast and didn't suffer longer.

 

[Left4DeadBPDvictim]

Sometimes on rare occasions. I definitely did that night after he died in the hospital. Now that's it's been many months, not much really. I still feel tons of nostalgia and miss him though. I'm just glad he went fast and didn't suffer longer.

Ohh. You are way stronger then I would be. Hope your father is resting in peace

 

[NIGGER BOJANGLES]

Ohh. You are way stronger then I would be. Hope your father is resting in peace

It's hard. I just really can't get too emotional much because I'm the one that maintains the land, house, and cars. Plus, I have to get a job very soon to help pay bills, and give me a little spending money for car stuff. And other than my mother and sometimes my uncle and grandpa, there is nobody else in the family that gives a fuck. All that extended family is meaningless.