SuicideFuel I Feel I Have MC Syndrome; I Hate Myself & Don't Want To Be Seen As "Narcy"

[DarkStar]

I've had this thought about myself for some time now(by that,I mean years), but I think that I genuinely may have "main character" syndrome as it is termed.

Frankly, I would/do hate this: It's somewhat of a foid/normiefag trait imo, and it also shows just how shit my mental state is currently.

Perhaps, my awareness shows I don't even have it, but that isn't always the case. Genuinely, I think the reason as to why I have this, is probably due to how alone I've felt my whole life: Yes, I have had & do have friends, but just like with every other normie I interact with, it feels as if they're operating on some "script" & it all feels so mechanical. I've never met anyone I felt could actually understand my mental state, my neuroticism, etc. To add on, I genuinely question the mental capacity of people I interact with at work & in public in general: In all seriousness, I genuinely am concerned for the future of this country, for the fact that the majority of the people here are fucking idiots of the highest order.

I hate to say this, but I also think that the fact a few people on here mentioned to me that I have "interesting" worldviews & perceptions of reality has somewhat gotten to me: When you're an Incel, any kind of appraisal feels like you've just fucking won a gold medal at the olympics.

Another user even mentioned to me once that I was one of the few humans on Earth with a "soul," despite my personal beliefs surround my conception contradicting such a statement.

Another reason why I may think this, is my results from a dark-triad quiz we all did:

Literally through the fucking roof, though at least my Machiavellianism is quite high which I'm somewhat proud of.

The reason I guess I care about this, is due to the fact that my experiences in Highschool & College somewhat have left me traumatized in a way: I care heavily about others perception of me, which seems to have forced me into this worldview in which I am the "mc"

 

[Sloth]

It's understandable why you would develop one given your circumstances in life

 

[Skelly]

probably just a coping mechanism for your inferiority

 

[Supreme Kanga]

I feel the same way. I spend so much of my teen years alone and inside my own head and I feel like have no connection to the outside world in a way. I feel like my brain functions in a different way than everyone else around me.

Perhaps, my awareness shows I don't even have it, but that isn't always the case. Genuinely, I think the reason as to why I have this, is probably due to how alone I've felt my whole life: Yes, I have had & do have friends, but just like with every other normie I interact with, it feels as if they're operating on some "script" & it all feels so mechanical. I've never met anyone I felt could actually understand my mental state, my neuroticism, etc. To add on, I genuinely question the mental capacity of people I interact with at work & in public in general: In all seriousness, I genuinely am concerned for the future of this country, for the fact that the majority of the people here are fucking idiots of the highest order.

Yep

 

[Supreme Kanga]

Also I'm going to try this dark triad test out of interest

 

[ThanksgiviNiggER]

It's understandable why you would develop one given your circumstances in life

This

 

[Grodd]

Defense mechanism in your brain to compensate for being seen as inferior your entire life I have the exact same thing

 

[JustanotherKanga]

Another thread that hits home... I literally posted a reply yesterday, regarding this exact problem
that I have.
The state of mental health lately is very, very poor to say the least.
It´s a good thing that I recognize these unhealthy patterns myself, but dont know what to take/how to deal with it.
Everyday is the exact same fucking shit, I feel as if I live in a Twilight zone.
I guess this is the end result of me socially isolating myself after HS, having 0 friends and being chronically online for the past few years.
Main character syndrome and paranoia might indeed be a defence mechanism, cause no one ever gave a shit about me.

 

[over_department]

You seem a lot better of a person than I am, but then again, what does it matter? Chad can have these same traits I do and still be liked by everyone simply because of the fact he’s good looking

 

[MassEffectKoala]

I've had this thought about myself for some time now(by that,I mean years), but I think that I genuinely may have "main character" syndrome as it is termed.

Frankly, I would/do hate this: It's somewhat of a foid/normiefag trait imo, and it also shows just how shit my mental state is currently.

Perhaps, my awareness shows I don't even have it, but that isn't always the case. Genuinely, I think the reason as to why I have this, is probably due to how alone I've felt my whole life: Yes, I have had & do have friends, but just like with every other normie I interact with, it feels as if they're operating on some "script" & it all feels so mechanical. I've never met anyone I felt could actually understand my mental state, my neuroticism, etc. To add on, I genuinely question the mental capacity of people I interact with at work & in public in general: In all seriousness, I genuinely am concerned for the future of this country, for the fact that the majority of the people here are fucking idiots of the highest order.

I hate to say this, but I also think that the fact a few people on here mentioned to me that I have "interesting" worldviews & perceptions of reality has somewhat gotten to me: When you're an Incel, any kind of appraisal feels like you've just fucking won a gold medal at the olympics.

Another user even mentioned to me once that I was one of the few humans on Earth with a "soul," despite my personal beliefs surround my conception contradicting such a statement.

Another reason why I may think this, is my results from a dark-triad quiz we all did:

View attachment 1306869

Literally through the fucking roof, though at least my Machiavellianism is quite high which I'm somewhat proud of.

The reason I guess I care about this, is due to the fact that my experiences in Highschool & College somewhat have left me traumatized in a way: I care heavily about others perception of me, which seems to have forced me into this worldview in which I am the "mc"

 

[SubhumanGamer]

I think it is only natural to believe you are the main character, you will only ever experience the world through your own eyes so everyone else may as well be npcs.

If you boil down ever interaction you've ever had with others it is indeed mechanical and stiff, you really get the feeling everyone in life is on autopilot following their coding. The second you let out some absurd shit it breaks the npc's script and you get to see if they are actually a person or not, most of the time they aren't real.

 

[Emba]

I like pie charts!

 

[DarkStar]

It's understandable why you would develop one given your circumstances in life

Yup

Feeling completely isolated for most of my teen years, always sort of "in my head" or my own world as my parents used to say, lacking anyone I could feel actually understands & connects with my problems(even online), and feeling as if I genuinely have no place anywhere

Defense mechanism in your brain to compensate for being seen as inferior your entire life I have the exact same thing

Makes sense, but I feel as if it also comes due to the fact that we're "grounded" with reality, due to the fact that we acknowledge it.

I think it is only natural to believe you are the main character, you will only ever experience the world through your own eyes so everyone else may as well be npcs.

This is true.

But I think what I meant, was that we lack the ability to understand stuff from others points of views, due to the fact that we perceive the world very differently & also can't relate to others very well. As such, we're sort of "in our heads" as opposed to being part of the overall collective consciousness a social group forms.

If you boil down ever interaction you've ever had with others it is indeed mechanical and stiff, you really get the feeling everyone in life is on autopilot following their coding. The second you let out some absurd shit it breaks the npc's script and you get to see if they are actually a person or not, most of the time they aren't real.

Nailed it 100%

I've seen other users speak of this also, everyone is on autopilot but the second you break the "scripting" they go haywire & act on whatever the "programing" has been

Genuinely, it does feel at times as if I meet only a few people who are actually "alive" & cognizant, not just "existing" as schizo as I sound here

Also I'm going to try this dark triad test out of interest

What did you get?

I feel the same way. I spend so much of my teen years alone and inside my own head

Relatable, granted I have socialmaxxed & normiemaxxed with some degree of success since then, but ofc your brain is very impressionable at that age

In one of my Psych classes, we learned that your brain at that time is basically a wax tablet & the memories/experiences then are like hot iron engraved into it.

and I feel like have no connection to the outside world in a way.

The only "connection" I truly feel is with nature

I feel like my brain functions in a different way than everyone else around me.

100% yeah, I feel as if my thought process is just on a whole other wavelength