I am in perpetual misery. Everything from my own pathetic attributes, to the household in which I live, to immense academic pressure all combine to make a cocktail of misery which I am forced to drink every waking hour of the day. I feel alone and unloved. Everyone in real life (especially at my school/college) views me as being a pest and a freak. Even those "close" to me (my parents) view me as nothing more than an academic/career asset. My ASD amplifies my suffering tenfold by making me overanalyse my own existence, and making me even more aware of the problems (past trauma and present troubles) that plague me.
I am not suicidal, and have never considered suicide at any point since I was 7-9 years old (I've forgotten when), as it is a stupid thing to do (for many reasons I do not want to go through in this post). My will to live has been entirely driven out of my hatred and spite for others. I am planning on leeching off society until the day I die. My very existence will burden them, and the thought of it fills me with glee. That aside, though, I feel as though my very existence is perpetually screaming from within me. I can feel it right now. Despite the immensity of my burden, I not express my emotions and anyone looking at me would be none the wiser (though it is not as if it would matter or hold any weight to them anyway).
I apologize if this post deviates from the usual, more casual tone of posts on this thread. I've posted it here and not in "inceldom discussion" as it is linked to my day to day life, and does not directly discuss inceldom or foids.
I am not suicidal, and have never considered suicide at any point since I was 7-9 years old (I've forgotten when), as it is a stupid thing to do (for many reasons I do not want to go through in this post). My will to live has been entirely driven out of my hatred and spite for others. I am planning on leeching off society until the day I die. My very existence will burden them, and the thought of it fills me with glee. That aside, though, I feel as though my very existence is perpetually screaming from within me. I can feel it right now. Despite the immensity of my burden, I not express my emotions and anyone looking at me would be none the wiser (though it is not as if it would matter or hold any weight to them anyway).
I apologize if this post deviates from the usual, more casual tone of posts on this thread. I've posted it here and not in "inceldom discussion" as it is linked to my day to day life, and does not directly discuss inceldom or foids.
