It is 3 AM in France as I write these words and I am still procrastinating sleep, not knowing what else to do.
A few days ago marked exactly one year since my pathetically failed suicide attempt. I don't even want to go into details because it was so ridiculous. I was ridiculous, lying there on my hospital bed having to explain to my parents how I had ended up like that...
And since then nothing has really changed, it may even be worse: I dropped out of university, I have been dragging this depression for almost eight years, and I stopped taking my medication against it.
My life is a nightmare, I feel miserable for having let myself slide so far down this slope for all these years. I keep thinking about how I ruined my life when it was a little well because my mental state prevented me from acting, and it weighs on me more and more. The worst part is that my parents couldn't have children naturally at first, but they persisted anyway, and unfortunate chance had to fall on me.
I don't want to try ropemaxx again. I simply hope I won't wake up in my body anymore, that the gods will reincarnate me having rolled better dice for me into a healthier family and environment in general, but I know deep down it's just coping. I was born subhuman and will die and be remembered as such.
Sorry for the disjointed thread. I'm overwhelmed with great sadness coupled with fatigue, and English is not my native language.
A few days ago marked exactly one year since my pathetically failed suicide attempt. I don't even want to go into details because it was so ridiculous. I was ridiculous, lying there on my hospital bed having to explain to my parents how I had ended up like that...
And since then nothing has really changed, it may even be worse: I dropped out of university, I have been dragging this depression for almost eight years, and I stopped taking my medication against it.
My life is a nightmare, I feel miserable for having let myself slide so far down this slope for all these years. I keep thinking about how I ruined my life when it was a little well because my mental state prevented me from acting, and it weighs on me more and more. The worst part is that my parents couldn't have children naturally at first, but they persisted anyway, and unfortunate chance had to fall on me.
I don't want to try ropemaxx again. I simply hope I won't wake up in my body anymore, that the gods will reincarnate me having rolled better dice for me into a healthier family and environment in general, but I know deep down it's just coping. I was born subhuman and will die and be remembered as such.
Sorry for the disjointed thread. I'm overwhelmed with great sadness coupled with fatigue, and English is not my native language.
