I have completely lost my entire sense of self, I am aware of my government name and the many usernames i go by online but am i not sure these are names i want to identify as. It would make my life easier if i had concrete answer even if it was no. But sometimes it's yes that's my name that's what i want to go by but i am never sure. And this presists through my entire being. Who am I? I don't know, What am I? I don't know, One day i am one person the next a slightly different person. Some days i am confident in my being others am i not.
It does not help that might as well not exist to the world, Outside of my parents my existence is only acknowledged through government id cards. It's like i'm a complete ghost and can do anything and nobody would know. I could disappear at any time and as long as I never used any of my government id cards nobody would be ever able to find me.
I figure that prehaps having no contact with anybody outside of my parents on the occasion has left me with this feeling of not knowing who i am because humans define who they are as in relation to others something I practically don't have. I also lack a general purpose in life, I had one but it was ripped away from me but this cruel society what remains is just make money and see what happens.
I can't even confidently say whether or not I am the same man i used to be, I reminded by who i once was often but i am unsure if i am still that person or if society has broken me down and changed me into a different man. Prehaps i am the same man, broken but repairable that with right tools I can be the same man i used to be or if the damage is to much and i never be the same, am simply not sure of it as am not very sure anything about myself. I lack identity sometimes, sometimes there is a confidence in my identity but it's sort lived and am then back to the misery of indecisiveness
I apologize if i'm not making much sense here but it's just so hard to explain what exactly i'm going through. These feelings being difficult for me to even grasp let alone understand.
It does not help that might as well not exist to the world, Outside of my parents my existence is only acknowledged through government id cards. It's like i'm a complete ghost and can do anything and nobody would know. I could disappear at any time and as long as I never used any of my government id cards nobody would be ever able to find me.
I figure that prehaps having no contact with anybody outside of my parents on the occasion has left me with this feeling of not knowing who i am because humans define who they are as in relation to others something I practically don't have. I also lack a general purpose in life, I had one but it was ripped away from me but this cruel society what remains is just make money and see what happens.
I can't even confidently say whether or not I am the same man i used to be, I reminded by who i once was often but i am unsure if i am still that person or if society has broken me down and changed me into a different man. Prehaps i am the same man, broken but repairable that with right tools I can be the same man i used to be or if the damage is to much and i never be the same, am simply not sure of it as am not very sure anything about myself. I lack identity sometimes, sometimes there is a confidence in my identity but it's sort lived and am then back to the misery of indecisiveness
I apologize if i'm not making much sense here but it's just so hard to explain what exactly i'm going through. These feelings being difficult for me to even grasp let alone understand.
