Serious I care more about past rejection than never having a 3D girlfriend

[Deleted member 8353]

The more that I think about it, the more I realize that during these past few years, I don't think I really cared that much about not having a foid. In fact if I knew beyond any doubt that I could get foids/sex, due to confirmation of that from past experiences, I'm guessing that I wouldn't even bother. People make me nervous, they disgust me, and I hate how fake irl relationships are, both romantic and otherwise. Seeing the faces of other people upsets me, even with (3D) foids I get no discernible release of dopamine, I feel just echos of my suppressed rage. It's the fact that I know that other people don't want me, that I've been denied basic parts of the human experience, and it would be different if I freely chose to give up on them. Maybe if I was made to feel like an actual human when growing up, then I would never have spent so many years being bothered by this. If I could've had friends that actually made me feel normal, and a girlfriend as a teenager, then I wouldn't have spent the past 6 years(if not the past 9) in a state of depression and isolation.

But then again, I could be looking at it all the wrong way with this thread. If I had good past experiences and a lack of constant rejection, then I wouldn't have become like this in the first place. So in that case I suppose that I would want foids. I guess a better way to put it would be that if I were to ascend in the future, then I'm not sure I'd continue to pursue sex or relationships with foids. What I'm trying to say is that it's over, I'm way too broken at this point to ever really be "normal". Even if you gave me everything I wanted just a few years ago, I wouldn't accept it now. Also, the fact that loneliness made me seek alternative means of companionship and validation has made it so that's become what I actually want, well that really just serves to cement the rest of the issue.

Sometimes I almost can't believe the amount of emotional and psychological damage that's been done to me.

 

[Joelossus]

I think i know what you mean, and i can relate. Most of the time when i'm sad, it's not because i can't attract a foid to have sex with me, but rather because i was thinking about how i was denied a happy life, due to the way in which people treated me, during my teenage years. I will often find myself, imagine what my life would've been like if some circumstances would've been just slighly different, and how often i did sabotaged myself in the past. I just can't get over the fact how much my past expieriences determine the person who iam today, and that things could've been very different if i would've grown up in a different enviroment, or if my brain worked more "normal" i might would've somehow managed to acsend in my teenage years, and could've builded a circle of friends, which would make me view the world vastly different than i do right now. But of course it doesn't makes a lot of sense to think about this sort of stuff, but i just can't seem to get over it, and will most likely forever continue to dwell on my past.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I think i know what you mean, and i can relate. Most of the time when i'm sad, it's not because i can't attract a foid to have sex with me, but rather because i was thinking about how i was denied a happy life, due to the way in which people treated me, during my teenage years. I will often find myself, imagine what my life would've been like if some circumstances would've been just slighly different, and how often i did sabotaged myself in the past. I just can't get over the fact how much my past expieriences determine the person who iam today, and that things could've been very different if i would've grown up in a different enviroment, or if my brain worked more "normal" i might would've somehow managed to acsend in my teenage years, and could've builded a circle of friends, which would make me view the world vastly different than i do right now. But of course it doesn't makes a lot of sense to think about this sort of stuff, but i just can't seem to get over it, and will most likely forever continue to dwell on my past.

I'm slowly trying to get over it, but it's not easy. I think you have to just start thinking in different terms, as in this is my life, I couldn't have done things differently, and I need to stop comparing myself to other people. All that is easier said than done though.

Also, I suppose I sabotaged myself a lot in the past too, not necessarily directly related to getting foids, but definitely the case when it comes to irl friends.

 

[Joelossus]

I'm slowly trying to get over it, but it's not easy. I think you have to just start thinking in different terms, as in this is my life, I couldn't have done things differently, and I need to stop comparing myself to other people. All that is easier said than done though.

I'm already trying to do precisely that, but so far it only works temporarily, since i will always fall back into the same thinking patterns. Convincing myself that free will doesn't exist helps a lot, and the realization that the only thing we will ever truly know are our own experiences. Guess i just gonna read your threads regarding those topics over and over again until i've fully accepted my faith.

 

[Cuyen]

being rejected by a woman is the most humiliating thin