One of my brothers wants me to come to a BBQ. The smoke is toxic, full of mercury from the coal. The meat is carcinogenic when it's grilled/charred, i just can't take it. I love eating raw meat but my family thinks i'm a weirdo for eating it. They don't realize how euphoric you become when you eat raw meat and like most people they are brainwashed into fearing raw meat. It's not only the BBQ itself, it's also the people. Don't get me wrong my family/relatives can sometimes be fun to hang out with but in the end i feel lonely when i go to gatherings so it's always more fun to stay home instead of going, always.
I end up sitting for myself while all the normies talk about their normie life. It's like my sole purpose of being there is to be a NPC in the background, no one rarely talks with me or asks me anything, then why the fuck do they want me to come if they don't wanna talk with me? I know for a fact that my brother talks alot behind my back, that i'm anti-social in the sense that i never want to come to gatherings etc, i can tell. He always talks to me in a condescending tone like: "How are you?" in a fake empathic way like i'm a lonely child or something, it sounds so fucking pathetic and forced, i hate it. It makes me angry inside. My other brother does not act the same, he's more natural and real. My aunt is the only one who also talks in that condescending fake empathic tone.
It's also the fact that i don't have a GF/wife and everybody else does at gatherings, i hate that. It ruins everything so it's better to stay home. I feel more lonely hanging out with normies than being alone at home because i don't have a GF. Normies care so fucking much about status it's insane. They want to show off their house, garden, GF/wife etc. So i feel like they want me to come to gatherings just so they can compare their own status to mine in a sense, but that could also be me being paranoid.
I end up sitting for myself while all the normies talk about their normie life. It's like my sole purpose of being there is to be a NPC in the background, no one rarely talks with me or asks me anything, then why the fuck do they want me to come if they don't wanna talk with me? I know for a fact that my brother talks alot behind my back, that i'm anti-social in the sense that i never want to come to gatherings etc, i can tell. He always talks to me in a condescending tone like: "How are you?" in a fake empathic way like i'm a lonely child or something, it sounds so fucking pathetic and forced, i hate it. It makes me angry inside. My other brother does not act the same, he's more natural and real. My aunt is the only one who also talks in that condescending fake empathic tone.
It's also the fact that i don't have a GF/wife and everybody else does at gatherings, i hate that. It ruins everything so it's better to stay home. I feel more lonely hanging out with normies than being alone at home because i don't have a GF. Normies care so fucking much about status it's insane. They want to show off their house, garden, GF/wife etc. So i feel like they want me to come to gatherings just so they can compare their own status to mine in a sense, but that could also be me being paranoid.
