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JFL I bought a Volvo. It thinks Africans are roaches. Yikes, man.

Defetivecuckachu

Defetivecuckachu

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A bit of serendipity just happened...

Even before the latest fuel price shocks, for a while now I've been thinking it's time I sold my Aussie Ford Falcon, because it's only sensible job is as a comfortable daily driver because my Honda AP1 S2000 is far too noisy and hard riding for anything other than fun Sunday drives. And the falcon is a big car with a 4 litre turbo engine and it just drinks too much gas for a daily. (And NGL I've fallen out of love with it... the power was addictive, but the interior is cheap and shitty like all Aussie Fords are, and it's really a bit TOO soft and smooth and floaty for the narrow twisty roads I drive most often. It's really a straight line car for fast roads. And it's starting to get a few little noises in the front suspension, and the rear suspension, and the diff... somebody new who has a boner for it should have the "fun" of getting all of that right again.

The serendipity, is that no sooner did I mention this in the car enthusiast pages, than some young brad-lite DM'd me and offered me basically top dollar for it, even though realistically my car is about a 6.5/10. He had a test drive, he got a massive boner for it, money changed hands and he drove off in my old Falcon, absolutely living his bogan Ford dreams. Happy trails, old Falcon. If he doesn't kill himself in the first week of ownership he will probably put his boot up it constantly until it dies of abuse.

So I needed a new daily driver...

A guy I work with took me for a ride in his old Audi A3 3.2 litre, and that opened my eyes to European sporty hatchbacks, which is a world I've never been in before. I was very impressed, it handled like a small car, but it rode like a much bigger car, and it was pretty quick.

Then I read all he comments from people who have blown up their transmissions (and engines, and everything else) in fast Audis and VWs and I decided maybe it wasn't good to be the 3rd owner of one of those. Besides, VW GTs are such nigger cars, all pearl paint and slammed suspension and blacked-out tints, I just couldn't.

Then I saw an advert for a little 2012 Volvo with a 5 cylinder turbo engine, so I did some background reading, then I went and tried it out. And my verdict was that this is a pretty fkn good little car for a few thousand New Zealand rupees. So now it's my new daily driver.

All the controls are in English, but the infotainment setup menu is in Japanese. I wanted to adjust it so that when I turn on the lights from the key, they stay on for 90 seconds, not 30 seconds.

So I scrolled thru the menu with Google translate, and it finally came to

4. AFRO-ROACH LIGHT SETTINGS

And I was like,

:feelsohgod:"nigga WHAT?"

I tried to take a screenshot on my phone for the lulz, but Google translate refreshed and this time it said it was

4. APPROACH LIGHT SETTINGS

And then I was like

:feelshehe: yes, that's what I thought you said. Holy fucking shit Adolf. It's 2026 you know.

:feelskek: I don't know how to feel about this tbh. I have no real beef with Africans. But part of me does secretly like my new Volvo from Sweden a little bit more, now that I know it's racist AF and it thinks Africans are roaches. And it covertly syked Google translate by calling them AFRO-ROACHES just that one time, just to see if Google would be shocked, or if Google privately agrees.

It's early days but I love my little Volvo NGL. It wouldn't quite be able to keep up with my old turbo Ford in a drag race, it's much smaller but it only has 60% of the Falcon's power. But on any tight circuit with curves, it would finish fully a lap ahead after a 3-lap race. The way it holds the road and digs into corners is awesome for a car wearing cheap shitty tyres that presents as just a plain little basic hatchback. It's got big brakes, and it can handle them, I stood on the brakes hard at about double the open road limit, and it slowed down hard but it stayed dead straight even though the road was rough with loose stones on it. Electronic stability shit in a little Suzuki can't fake that, that's competent handling that's been built to handle real fast driving. The feel of the steering is nearly as direct as my S2000, which is a full-on sports car. But this thing is also super comfortable and quiet, I could get in and drive all day. Pretty amazing for something that only cost a few kiwi rupees...
 
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I've never owned a new car. I've never even been the 2nd owner. But I'm enough of a car nerd that occasionally I can recognize when something genuinely good has depreciated and is now a very under-valued bargain.

My S2k is my baby, those are worth a bit of money now, but I bought it 20 yesrs ago when it was yeaterday's model, only worth about NZ $12k, because the Nissan 350z and the Subsru WRX were the new hotness, and everyone thought Hondas were gay.
 
the barra 4.0T is one of the best engines ever

would be hard for me to give up personally
 
IMG 3035



View: https://youtu.be/M9SAI5Eu_RY?si=GKMKMcdwMFJ9wOXG
 
the barra 4.0T is one of the best engines ever

would be hard for me to give up personally

It's a good engine. I can understand why they quit offering a V8 model. But it's also the sort of car where you need to be going 200km/h before you even begin to have fun, unless you do that you're just humming along silently with the auto clicked into "D" in a pretty grandpa-spec car. it was nice for a while but I've just done that now. The people who keep these forever tend to be tribal Ford people, or else bogans who just want to do burnouts. Or engine builders who know how to wind up the boost and get insane numbers on dyno runs...
 
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Incels don't own cars
 
over if you don't drive volvo
 

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