Many of you know more story, others do not. Essentially, I was an an extremely awkward lonely KHHV for years, and I was insecure to the point of suicidal attempts about it. Like many, many young men, I believed that sex was the key to validation.
However, despite knowing the truths: The truth of Christ, the truth of pre-marital sex worsening marriages, I STILL swore to myself I'd find a way to lose it (My virginity). After years of agony, despair, and suicidal attempts, an opportunity arose, and I took it.
I forsook God and Christ by literally forgoing morals just in order to have sex. I knew full well how important the Bible's teachings are, but I WILLFULLY IGNORED THEM just for my own desires.
I forsook my potential future wife by undermining a potential marriage. What would she be now except for the second in line? Sex should SOLELY be between a husband and a wife. I should COMPLETELY belong to her. But now I cannot and that is something that CANNOT be redeemed.
I forsook myself by defiling myself with some whore. I could have been better.
Cowardly. Pathetic. Vile. Scum. These are the things that I am. Most of all, I AM A SELLOUT. A pathetic, cowardly sellout. Forsaking God, forsaking Christ, forsaking a future wife, forsaking myself. I am weak and pathetic and unworthy. I am in agony every day over this. I do not deserve forgiveness; I willfully sold out. I do not deserve a wife; I would not solely belong to her and that is not fair to her. I do not deserve to hold myself in any sort of high esteem, and I don't; I sullied myself.
This is torture.
However, despite knowing the truths: The truth of Christ, the truth of pre-marital sex worsening marriages, I STILL swore to myself I'd find a way to lose it (My virginity). After years of agony, despair, and suicidal attempts, an opportunity arose, and I took it.
I forsook God and Christ by literally forgoing morals just in order to have sex. I knew full well how important the Bible's teachings are, but I WILLFULLY IGNORED THEM just for my own desires.
I forsook my potential future wife by undermining a potential marriage. What would she be now except for the second in line? Sex should SOLELY be between a husband and a wife. I should COMPLETELY belong to her. But now I cannot and that is something that CANNOT be redeemed.
I forsook myself by defiling myself with some whore. I could have been better.
Cowardly. Pathetic. Vile. Scum. These are the things that I am. Most of all, I AM A SELLOUT. A pathetic, cowardly sellout. Forsaking God, forsaking Christ, forsaking a future wife, forsaking myself. I am weak and pathetic and unworthy. I am in agony every day over this. I do not deserve forgiveness; I willfully sold out. I do not deserve a wife; I would not solely belong to her and that is not fair to her. I do not deserve to hold myself in any sort of high esteem, and I don't; I sullied myself.
This is torture.
