I was just thinking about how disadvantaged I am mentally and physically.
I have a low iq and it takes me forever to process things when I’m learning, or even trying to keep up with the flow of a conversation because my brain freezes if information is being given to me too fast. Even when I try to learn about things to know as much as others I just keep forgetting information. This low iq has made it so that studying in school was always a time consuming process, I was also almost always the last person in the class to finish the test.
I was also born with OCD and high masking autism, I had a speech delay when I was a baby. The autism makes it extremely difficult for me to be a person that people want to enjoy conversation or be around in general. Time and time again people get visibly bored when I’m trying to have a good conversation with them, and often times people find me weird. I’ve had friends literally say behind my back about me that “I don’t find anything he says interesting” “he doesn’t add anything to the conversation”. It also affects the way I speak making me sound very hesitant or constantly messing up my explanations, also very slow and monotone(been mocked for this too)
You’d think that if you are dumb, that at least you’d be athletic or good looking to make up for it. But nah, I’m actually quite well below average when it comes to athletics, my stamina genetically sucks, I was always the last person to finish the mile run in middle school athletics. I was also genetically abnormally skinny, not over exaggerating I was the second to first skinniest person in my entire grade during middle school. I tried gymmaxxing but even after 2 years I just looked average.
When it comes to looks, I was given a visibly weak jaw, a weird kinda high pitched voice that lasts for most of the day, a weak eye area, and weird hair texture. I’ve been mocked for all of these things that I am mentioning. No girl in my lifetime once said that she found me attractive, all I got was called ugly on omegle.
The thought that I am like this and I can’t do much about it torments me mentally everyday, especially when my friends were genetically gifted and then mocked me for my genetic disadvantages.
I’m just genuinely starting to grow in resentment for my mom for giving birth to me and giving me her shitty genetics. She acts or pretends like everything is fine and as if she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with me, if I say it’s genetics then she responds with some bluepilled shit like I shouldn’t complain and that I just have to work harder than others.
On top of that I recently developed a cauda equina like health condition in which I can barely do anything without making it worse. I am doing the physical therapy for it but it is taking its sweet time to heal. I was going to eventually transfer to a uni like everyone my age but I had to take multiple semesters off because of this condition and a random and sudden loss of a loved one.
I’m just stuck in my room, can’t even sit down for a long time because the medical condition, so I’m basically forced to lay down and be stuck with this mental torment while all my friends get to continue their lives and have fun at university.
I have felt a sample of hell on this Earth.
I have a low iq and it takes me forever to process things when I’m learning, or even trying to keep up with the flow of a conversation because my brain freezes if information is being given to me too fast. Even when I try to learn about things to know as much as others I just keep forgetting information. This low iq has made it so that studying in school was always a time consuming process, I was also almost always the last person in the class to finish the test.
I was also born with OCD and high masking autism, I had a speech delay when I was a baby. The autism makes it extremely difficult for me to be a person that people want to enjoy conversation or be around in general. Time and time again people get visibly bored when I’m trying to have a good conversation with them, and often times people find me weird. I’ve had friends literally say behind my back about me that “I don’t find anything he says interesting” “he doesn’t add anything to the conversation”. It also affects the way I speak making me sound very hesitant or constantly messing up my explanations, also very slow and monotone(been mocked for this too)
You’d think that if you are dumb, that at least you’d be athletic or good looking to make up for it. But nah, I’m actually quite well below average when it comes to athletics, my stamina genetically sucks, I was always the last person to finish the mile run in middle school athletics. I was also genetically abnormally skinny, not over exaggerating I was the second to first skinniest person in my entire grade during middle school. I tried gymmaxxing but even after 2 years I just looked average.
When it comes to looks, I was given a visibly weak jaw, a weird kinda high pitched voice that lasts for most of the day, a weak eye area, and weird hair texture. I’ve been mocked for all of these things that I am mentioning. No girl in my lifetime once said that she found me attractive, all I got was called ugly on omegle.
The thought that I am like this and I can’t do much about it torments me mentally everyday, especially when my friends were genetically gifted and then mocked me for my genetic disadvantages.
I’m just genuinely starting to grow in resentment for my mom for giving birth to me and giving me her shitty genetics. She acts or pretends like everything is fine and as if she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with me, if I say it’s genetics then she responds with some bluepilled shit like I shouldn’t complain and that I just have to work harder than others.
On top of that I recently developed a cauda equina like health condition in which I can barely do anything without making it worse. I am doing the physical therapy for it but it is taking its sweet time to heal. I was going to eventually transfer to a uni like everyone my age but I had to take multiple semesters off because of this condition and a random and sudden loss of a loved one.
I’m just stuck in my room, can’t even sit down for a long time because the medical condition, so I’m basically forced to lay down and be stuck with this mental torment while all my friends get to continue their lives and have fun at university.
I have felt a sample of hell on this Earth.
