N
Native
Recruit
★★★
- Joined
- May 30, 2020
- Posts
- 246
- Online
- 3d 3h 58m
You know when I was like 15 I knew something was off. I just didn’t know what it was. I always, always wanted to know “how the world works”. That’s how my young mind framed it anyway.
I always thought, “why are some people charismatic and some not, why is my friend popular but I am not? I can say and do all the things he does, why do I never get the attention he does?”
Almost nobody from my old high school even knows who I am anymore. I doubt they would recognize me anyway. I’ve actually ascended greatly as a whole from what I used to be, but it’s only after visiting looksmax and figuring so much shit out.
To date I have zero friends. An hour ago I was weeping on the same bed I’m writing this on. I’m not sure how people people here truly knows what it feels like to have NO friends, NO family, and NO females (obviously). If you saw me at work you wouldn’t think twice about me being anything other than a normal(ish) dude. When in reality I can’t hold friendships (I’ve tried so many fucking times man it makes me sick at this point…) none of my cursed family is worth communicating with (I tried, my family is just my 72 year old dad and 50 year old mother. They both kicked me out after age 18. I live, feed, work, and eat by myself now. If something happened to me I would just die since I have nowhere and nobody to go to. And I’m only saying this because I have nobody to vent to.
I can’t tell you, the feeling inside my soul, it’s like my body knows things aren’t right, and not only that but I’ve in utter despair tried to fix all my problems in the past to no avail. All it did was teach me the true nature of humans. I had a friend I would have died for and I told him this. I told him I’d never felt this way about anybody ever before. I literally called him my brother.
A whore who I called a whore told him to stop talking to me and he did so overnight. I have not talked to him in over 3 months and he is now on the other side of the country. I will never see him again. But the thought that someone I put that much time into could leave me so easily, I couldn’t have done any more, there wasn’t anything I could do, I was just betrayed.
and it’s happened so many more times, too many times to write about. I could fill up paragraphs of people with specific names and events.
if I could end my life I would. I’ve lived my life. It was fucking awful. Just genetic dead end, a family that never loved me and only abused me and left me crying for years in my room alone, no friends for years, still a virgin at 21 years of age.
my coworkers ask me when I’m going to start college to further my education, when I’m investing for retirement, and all I can think about is when I’m going to blow my brains out or work up the balls to do it.
of course you would never know, I seem 100% normal in conversation. How is your day? “Good man! What’s up with you haha, damn what the fucj is up with the system today bro shits been slow or something”
You wouldn’t even know that every moment by myself is spent either thinking about how I can improve the way I look to thus get friends, meaningful people, and attract females, or killing myself.
i literally have nobody left to even say hello to. I try to do as many good deeds as I can to people in public because that and working out are the only things that make me feel alive.
I’m practically already dead. I’m just too scared to make it happen for real. I wish I could meet some of you in person, I can’t tell you how much a friend in real life would save my mental state. Anyways, I think I got all my thoughts out for now, thank you for reading.
I always thought, “why are some people charismatic and some not, why is my friend popular but I am not? I can say and do all the things he does, why do I never get the attention he does?”
Almost nobody from my old high school even knows who I am anymore. I doubt they would recognize me anyway. I’ve actually ascended greatly as a whole from what I used to be, but it’s only after visiting looksmax and figuring so much shit out.
To date I have zero friends. An hour ago I was weeping on the same bed I’m writing this on. I’m not sure how people people here truly knows what it feels like to have NO friends, NO family, and NO females (obviously). If you saw me at work you wouldn’t think twice about me being anything other than a normal(ish) dude. When in reality I can’t hold friendships (I’ve tried so many fucking times man it makes me sick at this point…) none of my cursed family is worth communicating with (I tried, my family is just my 72 year old dad and 50 year old mother. They both kicked me out after age 18. I live, feed, work, and eat by myself now. If something happened to me I would just die since I have nowhere and nobody to go to. And I’m only saying this because I have nobody to vent to.
I can’t tell you, the feeling inside my soul, it’s like my body knows things aren’t right, and not only that but I’ve in utter despair tried to fix all my problems in the past to no avail. All it did was teach me the true nature of humans. I had a friend I would have died for and I told him this. I told him I’d never felt this way about anybody ever before. I literally called him my brother.
A whore who I called a whore told him to stop talking to me and he did so overnight. I have not talked to him in over 3 months and he is now on the other side of the country. I will never see him again. But the thought that someone I put that much time into could leave me so easily, I couldn’t have done any more, there wasn’t anything I could do, I was just betrayed.
and it’s happened so many more times, too many times to write about. I could fill up paragraphs of people with specific names and events.
if I could end my life I would. I’ve lived my life. It was fucking awful. Just genetic dead end, a family that never loved me and only abused me and left me crying for years in my room alone, no friends for years, still a virgin at 21 years of age.
my coworkers ask me when I’m going to start college to further my education, when I’m investing for retirement, and all I can think about is when I’m going to blow my brains out or work up the balls to do it.
of course you would never know, I seem 100% normal in conversation. How is your day? “Good man! What’s up with you haha, damn what the fucj is up with the system today bro shits been slow or something”
You wouldn’t even know that every moment by myself is spent either thinking about how I can improve the way I look to thus get friends, meaningful people, and attract females, or killing myself.
i literally have nobody left to even say hello to. I try to do as many good deeds as I can to people in public because that and working out are the only things that make me feel alive.
I’m practically already dead. I’m just too scared to make it happen for real. I wish I could meet some of you in person, I can’t tell you how much a friend in real life would save my mental state. Anyways, I think I got all my thoughts out for now, thank you for reading.
