Today is my 26th birthday.
My autistic dad was an emergency surgeon, but he became alcoholic.
My mom worked her ass off and i owe her everything, but she turned me weak, effeminate and childish.
I tried to seek solace in pornography and a 3D hentai videogame, but it completely obliterated my dick, corroded my sould and destroyed my prefrontal cortex. I would sometimes nut up to 20 times a day or more, i would nut everywhere, on my bed, on my clothes, on the floor, I would edge on my chair for hours on end, then clean afterwards, sometimes take a sip to know what it tastes like. My mattress has brown stains all over it, from dried up coom.
My ideal type is some lovely autistic lady, thin, long hair, feminine. These kind of girls exist in real life, I meet 3-4 of them in college, but i creeped them out. It was extremely painful. I can't blame them, of course they have standards, who would like to be with a retarded coomer who cannot even talk properly, who can't seduce, who can't say jokes, who looks angry with his resting face... I just wish I was the kind of man they wanted. Growing up without a father and moving all the time is difficult. I have lived in 5 different places, lost my friends and decided to isolate in the past years, to my detriment.
This month I started a new job, and it was so difficult because everyone at the office is neurotypical, and my job is about SALES... Something i've never done. I have to be eloquent, say the right things, be able to sell products. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I can't lose this job because it's my first job ever, at 26 years old. If I fail this, it could really be over.
I thought about killing myself, tie my neck to a tree and hit the gas pedal. It would end in a few seconds, instant decapitation. But my mother, my younger brother and my father would be in huge grief.
So this is my ascension plan:
- Semen Retention
- Calisthenics
- Reading books
That's it. 3 very simple things. I will do 6 months of semen retention, become more eloquent, be more athletic, then get a girlfriend.
Dattebayo.
Semen retention is very difficult. I have reached 1 month in the past and it felt absolutely glorious, my brain fog dissapeared, i felt energized all day long, i had morning woods every day, my mind felt sharper, depression was gone, my voice was deeper, everything seemed more alive and colorful. It doesn't give you magical powers like some people say, you don't talk in thunders, and women don't sense your aura, but at least your internal experience really does change for the good.
The problem is that porn is just one click away, one tap away... That's the real issue.
I have installed DNS filters, CleanBrowsing on my devices... It's hard but i guess with a good set up i can really overcome porn. Now I'm looking for buying a router with a firewall and buying an android phone i can root/jailbreak in order to set a firewall. The only two sources of porn is the computer and the phone, if i can effectively block porn on both devices, I win.
That by itself won't be enough. It also requires willpower, determination, discipline. But IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. It can really be done.
I will start today again.
Thanks for reading. Love you all.
My autistic dad was an emergency surgeon, but he became alcoholic.
My mom worked her ass off and i owe her everything, but she turned me weak, effeminate and childish.
I tried to seek solace in pornography and a 3D hentai videogame, but it completely obliterated my dick, corroded my sould and destroyed my prefrontal cortex. I would sometimes nut up to 20 times a day or more, i would nut everywhere, on my bed, on my clothes, on the floor, I would edge on my chair for hours on end, then clean afterwards, sometimes take a sip to know what it tastes like. My mattress has brown stains all over it, from dried up coom.
My ideal type is some lovely autistic lady, thin, long hair, feminine. These kind of girls exist in real life, I meet 3-4 of them in college, but i creeped them out. It was extremely painful. I can't blame them, of course they have standards, who would like to be with a retarded coomer who cannot even talk properly, who can't seduce, who can't say jokes, who looks angry with his resting face... I just wish I was the kind of man they wanted. Growing up without a father and moving all the time is difficult. I have lived in 5 different places, lost my friends and decided to isolate in the past years, to my detriment.
This month I started a new job, and it was so difficult because everyone at the office is neurotypical, and my job is about SALES... Something i've never done. I have to be eloquent, say the right things, be able to sell products. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I can't lose this job because it's my first job ever, at 26 years old. If I fail this, it could really be over.
I thought about killing myself, tie my neck to a tree and hit the gas pedal. It would end in a few seconds, instant decapitation. But my mother, my younger brother and my father would be in huge grief.
So this is my ascension plan:
- Semen Retention
- Calisthenics
- Reading books
That's it. 3 very simple things. I will do 6 months of semen retention, become more eloquent, be more athletic, then get a girlfriend.
Dattebayo.
Semen retention is very difficult. I have reached 1 month in the past and it felt absolutely glorious, my brain fog dissapeared, i felt energized all day long, i had morning woods every day, my mind felt sharper, depression was gone, my voice was deeper, everything seemed more alive and colorful. It doesn't give you magical powers like some people say, you don't talk in thunders, and women don't sense your aura, but at least your internal experience really does change for the good.
The problem is that porn is just one click away, one tap away... That's the real issue.
I have installed DNS filters, CleanBrowsing on my devices... It's hard but i guess with a good set up i can really overcome porn. Now I'm looking for buying a router with a firewall and buying an android phone i can root/jailbreak in order to set a firewall. The only two sources of porn is the computer and the phone, if i can effectively block porn on both devices, I win.
That by itself won't be enough. It also requires willpower, determination, discipline. But IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. It can really be done.
I will start today again.
Thanks for reading. Love you all.
