It’s the middle of the night, and I just got in a fight with my mother because I want the fucking heat off, because my room is a complete and utter hot box whenever it’s on. Then I was pissed because we have no fucking food and I have to drag my miserable ass to go food shopping tomorrow like I always do.
And since I have no food to cope with, I’m typing this with a cigarette between my fingers, smoking myself to death slowly but surely, pondering where everything in my life went wrong.
I swear when I was a in my early teens, life felt like the garden of eden. I can’t even comprehend the happiness I felt back then, and the most brutal aspect of it all is that I wasn’t even happy, I was indifferent, but it just keeps getting worse to the point where the hell I experienced years ago felt like heaven compared to what I’m experiencing now, physically and psychologically.
I could only imagine what true happiness feels like for normies and Chads, the level of pure bliss that they don’t even realize they have because it’s all they have ever known. My mind is numb, porn addicted, corrupted by lust, hatred, jealousy, anxiety, and a constant subconscious feeling of dread that overshadowed my innocence and happiness years ago.
I feel like I will never be happy again, all because I learned the harsh truth about my life, and because I now understand that no amount of effort is worth it, and happiness is something you are simply born to experience as a result of having superior genetics, physically and mentally.
My mother probably hates me, and the joy she once had when raising me as a child is now replaced with disgust when she sees her overgrown bearded son walk around the house like a senior citizen about to enter hospice care due to terminal illness.
It isn’t my fault my father ditched us, nor is it my fault that I have such an abstract mind and body that doesn’t fit the norm of this ice cold society. I am truly in the darkest time of my life, and it only seems to be getting worse every passing year. I just want to be freed from this hell.
I miss the days when I was in love with the girl who rejected me, long before I lost my mind and threatened her and her family with suicide, and long before I even knew that she would reject me for a genetically superior man. I was so much better off not biting the forbidden apple of sexuality.
I want my innocence back, but it is far too late for me now.
And since I have no food to cope with, I’m typing this with a cigarette between my fingers, smoking myself to death slowly but surely, pondering where everything in my life went wrong.
I swear when I was a in my early teens, life felt like the garden of eden. I can’t even comprehend the happiness I felt back then, and the most brutal aspect of it all is that I wasn’t even happy, I was indifferent, but it just keeps getting worse to the point where the hell I experienced years ago felt like heaven compared to what I’m experiencing now, physically and psychologically.
I could only imagine what true happiness feels like for normies and Chads, the level of pure bliss that they don’t even realize they have because it’s all they have ever known. My mind is numb, porn addicted, corrupted by lust, hatred, jealousy, anxiety, and a constant subconscious feeling of dread that overshadowed my innocence and happiness years ago.
I feel like I will never be happy again, all because I learned the harsh truth about my life, and because I now understand that no amount of effort is worth it, and happiness is something you are simply born to experience as a result of having superior genetics, physically and mentally.
My mother probably hates me, and the joy she once had when raising me as a child is now replaced with disgust when she sees her overgrown bearded son walk around the house like a senior citizen about to enter hospice care due to terminal illness.
It isn’t my fault my father ditched us, nor is it my fault that I have such an abstract mind and body that doesn’t fit the norm of this ice cold society. I am truly in the darkest time of my life, and it only seems to be getting worse every passing year. I just want to be freed from this hell.
I miss the days when I was in love with the girl who rejected me, long before I lost my mind and threatened her and her family with suicide, and long before I even knew that she would reject me for a genetically superior man. I was so much better off not biting the forbidden apple of sexuality.
I want my innocence back, but it is far too late for me now.
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