Everything about it is repugnant, the futile competition, the consumption, the desire to dominate, the need to procreate so all of it can continue, it's all disgusting. Yet our bodies literally torture us into participating in it all, death is the only means of protest. This is why I like to indulge in escapism, as when I'm not doing so, everyone around me, everything I see, it just fills me with an incredible rage. I wish I could destroy it all, however the only thing I end up harming is myself, like the pitiful little cuck that I am.
I think what bothers me most of all though is the dishonesty, self deception, and the cognitive dissonance. In nature the lives of animals are just as pointless and brutal, however animals lack the capacity to disguise their actions, to turn them into subtler version of themselves, or to distance themselves. Humans on the other hand like to tell themselves ridiculous little stories about the meaning or necessity of their predicament. Most sublimate their very language, "love", "deserve", "justice", it all makes a beautiful veil for the truth of things. People tell themselves how worthwhile it all is, how their actions somehow matter. Most hilarious of all is the fact that most people think of themselves as good, they somehow believe that they can be moral despite being complicit in all of this suffering and death.
It was strange how, as I grew up, the truth of my existence slowly began to reveal itself to me. For the most part it was the discovery that I was created in a nightmare, that someone thought it was a good idea to put me here. The irony of it all is that none of this would've occurred to me, or at least I wouldn't have accepted these realizations if people allowed me to play their little game, if it wasn't made clear to me that I'd lost before I'd really even started. Why question the game if you believe yourself to be winning it? I'm no better than normies really, perhaps just a bit more honest with myself.
I think what bothers me most of all though is the dishonesty, self deception, and the cognitive dissonance. In nature the lives of animals are just as pointless and brutal, however animals lack the capacity to disguise their actions, to turn them into subtler version of themselves, or to distance themselves. Humans on the other hand like to tell themselves ridiculous little stories about the meaning or necessity of their predicament. Most sublimate their very language, "love", "deserve", "justice", it all makes a beautiful veil for the truth of things. People tell themselves how worthwhile it all is, how their actions somehow matter. Most hilarious of all is the fact that most people think of themselves as good, they somehow believe that they can be moral despite being complicit in all of this suffering and death.
It was strange how, as I grew up, the truth of my existence slowly began to reveal itself to me. For the most part it was the discovery that I was created in a nightmare, that someone thought it was a good idea to put me here. The irony of it all is that none of this would've occurred to me, or at least I wouldn't have accepted these realizations if people allowed me to play their little game, if it wasn't made clear to me that I'd lost before I'd really even started. Why question the game if you believe yourself to be winning it? I'm no better than normies really, perhaps just a bit more honest with myself.
