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LifeFuel How healing from an abusive childhood I didn't remember I had (complex trauma) fixed my life

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If you have inordinate,recurrent and overstaying feelings of- shame, fear/anxiety, guilt, dissociation, insecurity, low self-esteem, gaps in your memory, addiction prone, needing to wear a mask, addiction to strong negative emotions(anger,sadness,loneliness), please read this post.
If your physical and emotional needs were not met during your childhood, please read this post.

After doing a lot of research i realized that a lot of people here show signs of complex trauma and might have C-PTSD:
1. Self-flagellation( a staple of BP discourse), intense shame and guilt
2. Attraction to children, and not just sexual attraction
3. Racism (a certain type of it)
4. Fear and guilt when dealing with women,authority figures, HTNs-chads(even teenage ones)
5. Sexual/emotional arousal to rape/degradation/abuse/violence of women

My dad- unpredictable, angry, violent, distant. Mother-neurotic, controlling, obsessed with image/perception. After I moved away to a foreign country I started questioning, if the "nice" home i was brought up in was actually dysfunctional. I discovered a youtube series randomly on "complex trauma"/C-PTSD and went into a rabbithole

Complex Trauma (YouTube)

These videos(+shrooms) saved my life, answered every unresolved questions about myself and explained and drew lines from experiences in childhood to my current behavior.i always thought i was a "broken" person but didnt know how/why. i thought i was a mentalcel(autism) and even thought that i was not straight because of the not normal way i navigated society.

I connected with my innocent inner child that was abused and spiritually broken and after 6months of healing myself i feel at peace. im still KHHV virgin but my general satisfaction and good emotions of life are much more now. much less low self-esteem,unconfident,shame,fears,insecurity,anxiety,depression,clinging,sensitive,lonely,uncompetitive,submissive,avoiding confrontation,fearing abandonment,fearing rejection etc. if you can sit down with your parents(lucky you) and get some closure(through heart-felt apologies and respect) it will change your life.

it is a long post but if i can even plant the seed of healing the damaged soul(which you dont know you have) in one of your minds, i will be happy. think about it... this shit is not natural, on a board for cels you would expect mostly venting and disdain towards women, but >60% of threads are intense self-hate, racism, ironic mass shooting jokes, sexualization of children. we are so damaged that we fight amongst ourselves...even though we say the biggest problem in our life is women


tldr- after spending 6mo understanding and healing from deep-rooted trauma from an abusive childhood that i didnt realize i had(the brain changes interpretation,forgets abuse to protect the childs sanity); i realize that many here show signs of the same "complex trauma". BP is still law, though
no matter the stains on your soul,be respectful to each other we are all brocels here
 
Some things are just a big waste of time to dwell on.
 
Nothing can fix my deformed face, And yes i was verbally abused as a kid,
Ive also done shrooms but it didnt answer anything for me, It made me giggle a bit tho.
And then i cleaned my entire house while high on shrooms, Thats it!
 
Also my childhood got fucked up due to not being allowed to play MW2

Let me explain, Meanwhile my classmates had PS3 and MW2, I was not allowed to play it due to my parents strict rules and that stupid 18+, The dudes who wanted to friend me asking me if i had MW2 turned into bullies and apparently i was a baby for not being allowed to play this, These bullies was there the entire semester and all the schools and because i wasnt allowed MW2, I had to go thru being the unpopular kid, Seriously my parents can fuck right off with that! Is my well being less worth than shooting some dumb russian on the screen? Like i could literally have friends if i was allowed MW2 in my childhood!

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - 2009 Shooter - Sony PlayStation 3 PS3 - Picture 1 of 4


I later became a target of more extreme bullying when they realised looks were important.
Instead of them being my friends because of MW2 Rejection, I was bullied by them even more.

I wonder how different my life would have been right now if i was just allowed MW2 as a child.
 
It might help some and I'm glad it worked for you. In my case, trauma probably played a very small role. My brother however is way better looking than me (6ft1, white, normal face), somewhat NT, yet he still can't get his life together. I can't pinpoint exactly why he is failing so hard at making friends, getting a gf, having a career and all these things except for the fact that he is extremely insecure and shy. He might definitely have some underlying genetic condition that normies can smell but isn't obvious, even to me. I have studied and somewhat quantified human aesthetics and personality for quite some time and in almost all cases when I see a normie succeeding or failing at life I know why. But with him, I don't see why he would fail this badly. I know that he always did what my mother told him to do. And she definitely emphasized that the reason why I'm personally not succeeding with anything is because "I don't obey her". She told him and my other siblings to never become like me. Idk maybe they actually believed her and thought the reason why I'm ugly and autistic is because I don't want to do my mother's household chores for her. Even to this day, my brother is ordered around having to do all kinds of menial tasks for my mother just because she's too lazy to do them. She is also extremely controlling. And weirdly enough, at least from the perspective of my mother, he was kind of standing in my shadow when we were kids. He was worse than me at everything that my mother valued (things that don't matter in the real world). Even though later her opinion of me changed 180 degrees.
I'm not sure if he is the type of person that can benefit from therapy. I personally think he could have turned his life around if he went to SEA, took some gabaergic drugs and just talked to girls there and got some positive reinforcement away from my parents. He would have had to make his own decisions, had his privacy and relearned how to interact with people that are interested in him. I personally favour action over just talking about things, but people are different. What works for one person might not work for another one.

it is a long post but if i can even plant the seed of healing the damaged soul(which you dont know you have) in one of your minds, i will be happy. think about it... this shit is not natural, on a board for cels you would expect mostly venting and disdain towards women, but >60% of threads are intense self-hate, racism, ironic mass shooting jokes, sexualization of children. we are so damaged that we fight amongst ourselves...even though we say the biggest problem in our life is women
I don't see much self hate personally. Compared to normies maybe, but most posts are just very objective and rational. If someones situation sucks he will mention that, but it's not necessarily self hate. Racism is a lot worse in other places. The average boomer might honestly be more racist, they're just too afraid to voice their opinions. And there are almost no pedos here. I don't know which posts you saw, but statistically speaking those are rare, just saying.
 
1. Self-flagellation( a staple of BP discourse), intense shame and guilt
emotional or physical self-flagellation ? I slap myself pretty often to snap out of feelings of shame.

if you can sit down with your parents(lucky you) and get some closure(through heart-felt apologies and respect) it will change your life.
Bad idea in my opinion. You can try but it won't work, and if it works it's likely you're just being manipulated.
The way I'm going about it is by escalating confrontation with them.

I don't think I can relate to the self-hate but maybe it's just vulnerable narcissism that makes me think otherwise.
 
Nothing to move on to, if you are ugly and autistic. Only more trauma awaits. Also we have to remember, ugly and autistic people are more likely to be mistreated and traumatized.
 
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This is true. Usually there's some systematic long term buildup that types like me faced. If I simplify it, it seems to be me being understandably incompetent due to lack of life experience + taking no accountability and stonewalling on meaningless obstacles parents word being one of the major causes
 

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