Serious How do I get good at socializing and being charming if I'm aspie

[Ataris]

I really want to be decent with at least making one or two friends IRL. But what usually happens is that the convo is interesting for a few seconds and then it just descends into crushing boredom and awkwardness.

I thought maybe playing an online game, like FF14 or overwatch or something might help me since I won't have the stress of making eye contact and not looking retarded trying to make the right facial expressions. But a lot of times I just end up gaming by myself.

I've tried my entire life to be an interesting/charming guy and I feel like I can do it in private but it never works out as planned IRL.

The closest I ever got to having a friend was in college, I met this one dude in class because we had to partner up and we had several classes together where we kinda just sat next to each other and talked. But he never accepted my invitations to work out together at the gym or get something to eat. I never even got his cell phone number so we lost touch when we graduated.

Is it even possible for an aspie to have some sort of happiness in social life or am I just beyond fucked? I've tried exposure and a ton of CBT/self therapy as well as every supplement known to man to make me more social and nothing works.

 

[Zesto]

I already wrote you a guide in the other thread.

just need to say hi not that hard, and then ask some generic questions about her

 

[NEETAndTidy]

Lots and lots of practice. Even then you'll never be great at it

 

[TheSlippwrySeal]

By not being aspie

 

[Solitarian_Walker]

You don't.

 

[rudolfhess]

By not being aspie

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Don't make jokes, don't try to be unique. Do what others do, be quiet and serious. You might be mistaken for a professional and serious guy instead of an aspie.

 

[Unwanted]

You'll just be a punching bag within a social circle of friends as an ugly male

 

[Ataris]

Don't make jokes, don't try to be unique. Do what others do, be quiet and serious. You might be mistaken for a professional and serious guy instead of an aspie.

This is actually what has always worked best for me but like I said the friendship eventually gets boring as fuck and it just descends into awkward "hellos".

 

[randomloli]

You don't.

 

[Incellectual]

Lots and lots of practice. Even then you'll never be great at it

 

[micropenis29]

You first must realize that conversations, for NTs, are not about "exploring interesting subjects, or fascinating discussion, or sharing valuable information."

Even if NTs say this is what conversations are about (which they will), or pretend to actually be doing these things during the conversation (which is extremely common), this is not at all what conversations are really about.

Conversations and all other forms of socializing for NTs are almost solely about status-signalling and sex. Accepting that is step 1.

Step 2 is observing the way charismatic people interact in social circles and deducing what works and what doesn't in terms of successfully signaling your status. This is an extremely complex subject and takes many soul-crushing failures (especially for an aspie) and a lifetime of learning in order to master.

 

[engineerescortceler]

for male friendship just do something together and thats it, can be anything really

for female relationship/romantic love just be chad then talk to her

 

[CompleteFuckingLoser]

for male friendship just do something together and thats it, can be anything really

for female relationship/romantic love just be chad then talk to her

 

[Deleted member 265]

for male friendship just do something together and thats it, can be anything really

for female relationship/romantic love just be chad then talk to her

 

[guyfromwizchan]

I already wrote you a guide in the other thread.

View attachment 48598

People don't read for shit, it's infuriating. I too know lots of ways to improve socializing but with drugs that are legal to purchase.

 

[Ataris]

I already wrote you a guide in the other thread.

View attachment 48598

I don't remember seeing it, prob missed since I'm on phone

 

[SOCIALSUICIDE]

i worked at a fast food and i even felt autistic. i could not even understand what the fuck those middle aged adults were talking. i even missed the jokes they tell. they never bullied me but i felt like shit for those 2 weeks the job lasted

 

[Deleted member 14490]

Honestly bro just stop trying.

 

[purple]

I really want to be decent with at least making one or two friends IRL. But what usually happens is that the convo is interesting for a few seconds and then it just descends into crushing boredom and awkwardness.

I thought maybe playing an online game, like FF14 or overwatch or something might help me since I won't have the stress of making eye contact and not looking retarded trying to make the right facial expressions. But a lot of times I just end up gaming by myself.

I've tried my entire life to be an interesting/charming guy and I feel like I can do it in private but it never works out as planned IRL.

The closest I ever got to having a friend was in college, I met this one dude in class because we had to partner up and we had several classes together where we kinda just sat next to each other and talked. But he never accepted my invitations to work out together at the gym or get something to eat. I never even got his cell phone number so we lost touch when we graduated.

Is it even possible for an aspie to have some sort of happiness in social life or am I just beyond fucked? I've tried exposure and a ton of CBT/self therapy as well as every supplement known to man to make me more social and nothing works.

the trick is not to try so hard, just be your self around them talk with them joke around dont just try to ask them out on a date? outta the blue it takes time to turn a friend into a gf.

1. dont say any creepy stuff or push there limits

2. dont ask them out right away take it as slow as you can ( dont wait a year ) but try not to rush

3.let her know your not really good at convos and our making small talk your kinda a anti-social person ( is a good reason just in case you say some shit. she knows your not used to having people around )

4. talk about her n joke around ( tell her she looks nice but not in a weird way )

5. try to befriend someone you see daily or often enough as to were it doesn't look like your stalking them.

 

[Deleted member 301]

The key is to have a shower, get a haircut, dress better and be confident, be 6 foot + and be Chad. Then Stacie's will flock to you without you having to make any effort................



..............

 

[Actually Autistic]

Just be fourthwright in your intentions. Simply ask to be invited to parties. It worked for me but I always get rejected by females at the parties so I went back to being Aspie

 

[lastchancel]

you don't

The key is to have a shower, get a haircut, dress better and be confident, be 6 foot + and be Chad. Then Stacie's will flock to you without you having to make any effort................



..............View attachment 48771

 

[TheOnlyWei]

Try to find people with common interests
You can try looking on community bulletin boards, local Facebook groups, craigslist (but that is a risk)
If you are into certain activities like gymceling, biking or other outdoor activities, try keeping a schedule. People who are interested in those activities will gravitate to you. People will expect to see you even if it is subconscious. They would notice if you were late to the gym or missed an early morning jog.
I shouldn't have to add, having good hygiene, eye contact and speaking in coherent sentences will increase your odds of making friends.

 

[Ataris]

Try to find people with common interests
You can try looking on community bulletin boards, local Facebook groups, craigslist (but that is a risk)
If you are into certain activities like gymceling, biking or other outdoor activities, try keeping a schedule. People who are interested in those activities will gravitate to you. People will expect to see you even if it is subconscious. They would notice if you were late to the gym or missed an early morning jog.
I shouldn't have to add, having good hygiene, eye contact and speaking in coherent sentences will increase your odds of making friends.

God I need to start focusing on people's noses again. It's so hard to maintain eye contact as an aspie, it's just sensory/information overload.

 

[TheOnlyWei]

God I need to start focusing on people's noses again. It's so hard to maintain eye contact as an aspie, it's just sensory/information overload.

See if they have a unibrow. I know some who do that to make it look like they are using eye contact.