SuicideFuel How do I accept myself? It's over. I'll come back later.

[Incline]

How do I accept my loneliness? I want to live a lonely life. I don't want to depend on people anymore. I don't want to be hurt by anyones words anymore. All my life its been constant mental torture and bullying. I been knowingly manipulated by everyone, and the best part is that I knew exactly what they were doing. They did not outsmart me, I knew they were manipulating me I just allowed it to happen. I don't want to be a little bitch caring about every tiniest detail said about me anymore. I want to completely isolate myself. I already live an isolated life all I need to do is isolate myself on an emotional level, how could I do that?

This forum has been overwhelming recently, especially with that guys suicide thread. Maybe hes larp maybe not who cares stories like his happen every day and are real. I think I will need to take some time off to rethink what to do with my life. Its quite obvious this cant continue like this anymore.

I have one very powerful personality aspect that is both a blessing and curse. I am very resilient. I can take abuse for years and deal with it. I can harbor such extreme levels of emotional pain and keep it in me, keep going. I told story here once how I went to the cliffs and walked for 8 hours straight then almost died then walked back for another 8 hours all while freezing and not sleeping. I did not prepare for this in anyway and I'm also very physically weak but I did it regardless, not because I had physical strength but mental one to carry on.

I lost my battle with depression long time ago. But instead of dying as I should I still persist. And I can take it. That's what scares me the most. I know I will continue living till I'm old, taking all manner of abuse. Mental bullying. And I will survive it, without breaking. Because I'm resilient or maybe that's what Im telling myself, maybe I'm just such a coward and so scared of dying that I rather live through decades of mental hell instead. Either way It will end eventually, but such life does not seem very fun. But it is exactly what will happen, I predict it.

So I can't allow it. I must take matters into my own hands before its too late. I no idea how to change this destiny. Idk maybe I will start taking psychedelics to fuck up my brain and change my life path. Idk. I gotta figure something out because this is it. I can't continue like this or I will set this path for myself for the rest of the life. I don't want to be a sad fucking 50yr old virgin loser who lived out his entire life being pushed around by others. No offense to oldcels here, I feel sympathetic to you but I just can't allow myself to become like you.

I'll come back in few weeks, need time to think. I know none of u care about this shit, I'm not trying to act important or anything mods u can delete this thread if u want but its ok just felt like venting a little, just putting this out there. Hope the ded dude has found his peace at last.

 

[FrothySolutions]

Take a break, let us know what you come back with.

 

[Total Imbecile]

I don't want to be a sad fucking 50yr old virgin loser who lived out his entire life being pushed around by others. No offense to oldcels here, I feel sympathetic to you but I just can't allow myself to become like you.

Its not about what you want, its about what women want, and they want good looking tall white Chads. If youre not Tom Brady its time to rope if you wanna avoid being a 50 year old virgin

 

[ItsAllOverButTheCry]

If you are so mentally tough, then try moneymaxxing, hopping on steroids, plastic surgery etc to live the life you desire.

 

[Emba]

How do I accept my loneliness? I want to live a lonely life. I don't want to depend on people anymore. I don't want to be hurt by anyones words anymore. All my life its been constant mental torture and bullying. I been knowingly manipulated by everyone, and the best part is that I knew exactly what they were doing. They did not outsmart me, I knew they were manipulating me I just allowed it to happen. I don't want to be a little bitch caring about every tiniest detail said about me anymore. I want to completely isolate myself. I already live an isolated life all I need to do is isolate myself on an emotional level, how could I do that?

This forum has been overwhelming recently, especially with that guys suicide thread. Maybe hes larp maybe not who cares stories like his happen every day and are real. I think I will need to take some time off to rethink what to do with my life. Its quite obvious this cant continue like this anymore.

I have one very powerful personality aspect that is both a blessing and curse. I am very resilient. I can take abuse for years and deal with it. I can harbor such extreme levels of emotional pain and keep it in me, keep going. I told story here once how I went to the cliffs and walked for 8 hours straight then almost died then walked back for another 8 hours all while freezing and not sleeping. I did not prepare for this in anyway and I'm also very physically weak but I did it regardless, not because I had physical strength but mental one to carry on.

I lost my battle with depression long time ago. But instead of dying as I should I still persist. And I can take it. That's what scares me the most. I know I will continue living till I'm old, taking all manner of abuse. Mental bullying. And I will survive it, without breaking. Because I'm resilient or maybe that's what Im telling myself, maybe I'm just such a coward and so scared of dying that I rather live through decades of mental hell instead. Either way It will end eventually, but such life does not seem very fun. But it is exactly what will happen, I predict it.

So I can't allow it. I must take matters into my own hands before its too late. I no idea how to change this destiny. Idk maybe I will start taking psychedelics to fuck up my brain and change my life path. Idk. I gotta figure something out because this is it. I can't continue like this or I will set this path for myself for the rest of the life. I don't want to be a sad fucking 50yr old virgin loser who lived out his entire life being pushed around by others. No offense to oldcels here, I feel sympathetic to you but I just can't allow myself to become like you.

I'll come back in few weeks, need time to think. I know none of u care about this shit, I'm not trying to act important or anything mods u can delete this thread if u want but its ok just felt like venting a little, just putting this out there. Hope the ded dude has found his peace at last.

Please do not be like me son!
(Oldcel here) ... a loser in a rented shed. (At least I have a garden)

The best you can hope for is to become a self-sufficient farmer/survivalist!

That takes planning and land money and gardening/permaculture skills.

That way the only abuse you will face will be nature and the weather.

Or gain a international service skill like welding or electric repair and become an ocean gypsy. (There's a tribe for that!) And learn the languages of your ports of restocking.

Good luck!

 

[DaveBuster]

Do your best to get out into the country and live a life in harmony with the environment. In another decade you'll be one of very few such people left.

 

[Intellau_Celistic]

I'll...give it a shot.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3_8Uutd584

...

Good thing some of them are in a similar state...

 

[GooberMcKee]

How do I accept my loneliness? I want to live a lonely life. I don't want to depend on people anymore. I don't want to be hurt by anyones words anymore.

Stop gaslighting yourself by saying you want to be lonely and not depend on people anymore. No you don't want that, what you really want is a community of people who care about you and you can rely on and you can rely on them. Just because you're undesirable doesn't mean you're no longer human or have human needs, or that you gotta cope and lie to yourself. Do anything you can to survive: lie, cheat, steal. You can lie and bullshit other people to survive, but never lie to yourself.

I gotta figure something out because this is it. I can't continue like this or I will set this path for myself for the rest of the life. I don't want to be a sad fucking 50yr old virgin loser who lived out his entire life being pushed around by others. No offense to oldcels here, I feel sympathetic to you but I just can't allow myself to become like you.

This is how all youngcels feel. I feel the same way. Do everything in your power to ascend.
1. Career/moneymax
2. Plastic surgery. Height surgery (it actually does help). Take out loans if you have to.
3. If you're fat and struggling, weightlift, run, go low carb and increase protein intake, take meds like metformin or Ozempic if you have to. Actually start with meds from the getgo because they help jumpstart your progress.
4. Hop on steroids if you have to, though this cost money and medical care isn't accessible to everyone and anyone.
5. Lie lie lie lie lie, as long as you can get away with it and nobody can fact check (or very unlikely to). Stick to your story and stay consistent. I lie about having a girlfriend. I lie about being divorced (being divorced is better than being assumed never married at my age). Never tell people you spent the holidays or the weekends alone. Act like you have a lot of friends outside of work/church/school. I lie because my goal is to survive and keep climbing, and not getting shit on - not because I want genuine friendship and openness with the randos around me. It works.
Yes, people will ask "who the fuck would want to hang out with this ugly weirdo?" or "what kind of woman said yes to his marriage proposal?" but then they will also think "well at least so many other people like being around him" and "at least someone is able to put up with this guy". They might assume you're lying so don't exaggerate, act casual and like you take it for granted.

 

[damascus]

Stop gaslighting yourself by saying you want to be lonely and not depend on people anymore. No you don't want that, what you really want is a community of people who care about you and you can rely on and you can rely on them. Just because you're undesirable doesn't mean you're no longer human or have human needs, or that you gotta cope and lie to yourself. Do anything you can to survive: lie, cheat, steal. You can lie and bullshit other people to survive, but never lie to yourself.



This is how all youngcels feel. I feel the same way. Do everything in your power to ascend.
1. Career/moneymax
2. Plastic surgery. Height surgery (it actually does help). Take out loans if you have to.
3. If you're fat and struggling, weightlift, run, go low carb and increase protein intake, take meds like metformin or Ozempic if you have to. Actually start with meds from the getgo because they help jumpstart your progress.
4. Hop on steroids if you have to, though this cost money and medical care isn't accessible to everyone and anyone.
5. Lie lie lie lie lie, as long as you can get away with it and nobody can fact check (or very unlikely to). Stick to your story and stay consistent. I lie about having a girlfriend. I lie about being divorced (being divorced is better than being assumed never married at my age). Never tell people you spent the holidays or the weekends alone. Act like you have a lot of friends outside of work/church/school. I lie because my goal is to survive and keep climbing, and not getting shit on - not because I want genuine friendship and openness with the randos around me. It works.
Yes, people will ask "who the fuck would want to hang out with this ugly weirdo?" or "what kind of woman said yes to his marriage proposal?" but then they will also think "well at least so many other people like being around him" and "at least someone is able to put up with this guy". They might assume you're lying so don't exaggerate, act casual and like you take it for granted.

JFL at replying at an almost 5 year old thread

 

[Incline]

Jfl at this thread tbh tbh tbh