Serious How being ugly led to the irreparable damage to my health, and why I decided to stop following my treatment

[NEB.feelsdevil]

[Context]

When you are disruptively ugly, it causes humans to break the social contract and behave in ways they are not supposed to behave. Your ugly looks cause them genuine revulsion, and they react strongly in ways difficult to believe in order to express their disgust.

I am 31 years old and I’ve seemingly had some bad experiences only a few others had.

Human men literally spat on the ground after seeing my face. I’ve heard humans literally whisper in shock to each other behind my back as I walked past them ‘’that one is so ugly’’ and ‘’what a face on that one’’. Human women physically recoil and audibly mutter some form of ‘’Ugghhh!’’

These are not one-off experiences. Everything above happened to me SEVERAL TIMES. Needless to say, as a sensitive subhuman autist, they crushed my SOUL. These incidents would leave me shattered for the rest of the day, sometimes for severals days, and sometimes I cried.

One time, as I was walking down the street, a human man coming from the opposite looked at me and just exclaimed ‘’Jesus Christ!’’. But we are Romanians. We may be heavily influenced by American culture and media which is in English and a lot of Romanians speak English, but we’re still Romanian.

At the time, I coped and joked telling myself that I was so ‘powerful’, that I caused another human to talk in another language. But there is no ‘power’ here. This isn’t an anime where you channel bad things into something good. This is the real life and there is only bad.

What I am experiencing should not happen. This is not normal. I mean WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS. WHO THE FUCK BEHAVES LIKE THIS. THIS SHOULDN’T BE HAPPENING. MAYBE A 5-YEAR OLD KID WHO DOESN’T KNOW SOCIAL ETIQUETTE RESTRAINT YET MIGHT BE BEHAVING LIKE THIS, BUT NOT ADULT HUMANS.

SHIT LIKE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN MOVIES FROM THE OVER THE TOP COMICALLY EVIL BULLIES. WHO THE FUCK SPITS ON THE GROUND AS A WAY TO EXPRESS THEIR DISGUST TO YOU? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN THE MOVIES. IN A CLINT EASTWOOD MOVIE WHEN THE BAD MEXICAN GUY SPITS ON THE GROUND SHORTLY BEFORE STARTING TO SHOOT CLINT EASTWOOD.

I cannot live like this anymore. I literally cannot step outside without humans reacting violently to me. It causes me intense anxiety and mental anguish when I see their disgust towards me expressed in such strong ways.


[Health issues]

I don’t know if anyone noticed my absence the past month. I’ve been busy with health matters on top of my job.

I got Covid in 2021 and I did not go to the doctor due to the reasons mentioned above. I never got diagnosed and treated officially. My parents also got Covid and they gave me a mixture of the medicine they got recommended. I eventually got better, but there was an aftereffect.

I remained with the slight need to clear my throat. It wasn’t that bad at first and I could ignore it. But after months and years, it has gotten progressively worse now in 2025. There is something constantly in my throat and it doesn’t go away if I clear my throat. I’ve also been feeling the constant need to cough since 2024. This causes me to have trouble falling asleep because coughing is too distracting.

It got so bad that I was able to overcome my intense anxiety and I went to get checked. In case anyone was wondering, I’ve been busy with doctors, clinics and hospitals lately.


[Why I decided to stop following the treatments]

Something happened yesterday. I had an appointment to get a radiography. I took a shower, used deodorant, trimmed my pathetic excuse for a beard, used a cream to conceal my acne, used hair wax to style my hair, brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth with mouthwash, cleaned my glasses, wore my best (and only) pair of pants, and my best T-shirt.

I was feeling the sentiment of ‘’confidence’’. It was good. I was doing all I could, it literally couldn’t be better than that.

I exited my apartment building and went to the left. It took about 30 seconds to cross paths with another human who was coming from the opposite. It was an older human woman. I steered a bit to the left because I wanted to giver her her give a bit more space on the walkway. I felt proud of my spacial awareness and civic spirit.

She gets closer to me, looks at my face, and mutters the most audible ‘’UGHHHHH!’’ huff I heard in my life. The most aggressive sigh I heard in my life and it pierced me. It made me finally see. I spent an hour earlier getting ready and being as presentable as possible, but it did not matter because humans still see as a disgusting subhuman mutant.

My mind was blank for about 30 seconds, then I asked myself ‘’what am I doing here ? why am I going to take a radiography ?’’

Really, what is the point of medical treatment ? To get better ? Better for what ? For a longer life with more suffering ? I will never have a wife to grow up with. Will never have children to guide through their lives and see them become indepent and succesful.

Not to mention medicine and treatments are expensive. Purchasing expensive medicine to get ‘’better’’, but in reality it’s actually prolonging my suffering and pain.

Forcing myself to go outside and be exposed to the violent reactions of disgust from the humans, wasting my time.

It feels like cuckoldry to be a subhuman truecel and pursue a medical treatment just to essentially extend your misery.

I still went and took the X-ray, but I will not be returning to get the results and interpretation. I will finish taking the medicine I’ve already purchased, but I will not return to any clinic or doctor.

I’ve always known I will not reach 45 years of age. I estimate my parents will die of old age / poor health in 5 - 7 years.

Once they both die, I intend to quit my job, because I only have this job to make my parents proud of me. I don’t want them to die worrying about me becoming homeless. And there is no fucking way I wageslave an entry level call center job for NOTHING. The whole point of wageslaving is betabuxxing. You work hard to provide, and you get women’s holes as a reward.

I will then live off the remaining savings and I hope to synchronize them with my death.

If I spend all the money before I die, I will go for plan B to avoid homelessness: sleeping pills, alcohol and gas stove.

And this is it. The grandiose plan for my ''life''. While normies make family plans and holiday plans, I make death plans.

 

[Animecel2D]

this was a brutal read

no one else but us incels are treated so horribly in life

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

I too have made death plans, When the time came I would go out to the woods and then live there until I died but for some reason that time never came.

 

[suicidecase]

What is so ugly about you?

 

[Icarus]

I'm so sorry brocel

If anyone deserves to get treated well it's you. You're a really kind and genuine person.

I hope your parents live long enough for you to enjoy your copes. We as truecels must live every day like it's our last.

I keep you in my thoughts always fren.

 

[Todd Thundercock]

Looks are the only thing. There's no way to avoid that.

I understand whatever decision you want to make regarding your health. I know my death is going to be in 15-20 years, unless something drastic happens before then. If I had to fight through what you're going through, I wouldn't do it.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

What is so ugly about you?

The experiences mentioned above were all related to my face.

About 5 years ago, I went to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I analyzed all the elements trying to identify what was so bad.

I thought maybe my eyebrows were too bushy, so I plucked them and made them thinner.

I thought my eyelashes were too long, so I cut them.

I thought my philtrum was too deep, so I let my mustache grow to hide it.

But nothing made a difference, I get the same reaction. The whole of my face is uglier than the sum of its parts.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

The experiences mentioned above were all related to my face.

About 5 years ago, I went to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I analyzed all the elements trying to identify what was so bad.

I thought maybe my eyebrows were too bushy, so I plucked them and made them thinner.

I thought my eyelashes were too long, so I cut them.

I thought my philtrum was too deep, so I let my mustache grow to hide it.

But nothing made a difference, I get the same reaction. The whole of my face is uglier than the sum of its parts.

And it's not as if I was Henry Cavill but just with an ugly face,

Everything is bad about my body as well. Thin wrists, small forearms, narrow shoulders, scoliosis, klinefelter syndrome.

I feel like my body is operating against my interests, trying its hardest to make me as ugly as possible.

I am not my body. I am a separate entity. I am the SOUL trapped in this meat prison.

I don't want to give medicine anymore to my body, it doesn't deserve it. I want to let it die.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

I keep you in my thoughts always fren.

Hello, friendcel It's nice talking with you again.

I was going to leave you a profile comment, but it says your profile is private.

I see you've changed your name, it will take me some time to get used to it

 

[sk.feelsdevil]

Damn, this shit is so fucking bruutal to read. Well.... you do you, but I doubt that you'll die of a throat infection / long covid, seems to me like it will just lowER your quality of life. Anyhow doctors in niggermania are assholes, I had to recently go to a dental checkup and the foid nurses looked at me like I was some sort of a bum.

 

[Icarus]

Hello, friendcel It's nice talking with you again.

I was going to leave you a profile comment, but it says your profile is private.

I see you've changed your name, it will take me some time to get used to it

I almost got doxed from IT. They threatened to send my profile to my family. Then they showed my address and stuff.

 

[Notkev]

I don't know what to say man. I'm sorry you have to live through this. I hate normies.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

This whole thing was supposed to be something important for me. A coming of age. It was going to be the first time I make the doctor appointments 100% myself, because my mom used to make them for me.

But the entire thing is so confusing and so draining.

First, I went to the family doctor, who redirected me in THREE DIFFERENT FUCKING PLACES. One was a laboratory for radiography, another was a clinic for blood and urine analys, and then a hopital to get consuled by a more specialized doctor.

I had to make to courage to make phone calls. Despite working a literal call center job, for some reason my subhuman brain still gets intense anxiety before making phone calls. I guess the problem is with outbound calls, at work I only get inbound calls.

And of course, I had to figure out with Google Maps how to get there. And needless to say, each placing was fucking huge, with multiple rooms and floors. And there is no fucking map layout, you have to ask the moggers at reception for help, then wait 30 minutes in the line despite making an appointment.

It was a humiliation ritual, and it was for NOTHING. Get better for what? To extend this miserable excuse of a 'life'? It caused me so much anxiety and time.

At this point, it's just not worth it. It is more convenient to remain with the affliction in the security of my house, even if it is disruptive. I already found a workaround that I like: I drink beer before before and it makes me sleepy, problem solved

 

[Eunuch]

Didn't read but lookism is worse than slavery and genocide combined

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

Didn't read but lookism is worse than slavery and genocide combined

Don't worry about it

Tl;dr is that there is no point in getting medical treatment to prolong a miserable life when you are this ugly.

And honestly, yes. They say slavery dehumanizes. But the slavers still see value in your manual labor. They value your manual labor so much and they need it so badly, that they are willing to take some of your rights away.

I am not seen human, I don't have any sort of quality that humans care about. I am treated like a disgusting monstrosity, humans LOSE THEIR FUCKING COMPOSURE when they glance at my face.

 

[antisocialcel]

Im sorry

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

Im sorry

It never even began for me

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

Normies think we're just normal humans who are simply a bit insecure or too shy. That's why their retarded ''advice'' is to go outside and put yourself out there.

Their normie minds cannot comprehend what existence is like for an ugly mutant subhuman.

I cannot fucking step foot outside before seeing the human's reactions of disgust to me.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

This may be difficult to believe for some, but this August really was the first time I stepped outside my apartment building in 2025. I work remotely and my parents took care of the groceries and taking out the trash, so I never needed to go out. I stepped outside the apartment sometimes to help my parents with groceries, but never outside the building itself.

A brutal realization after so many months of rotting is that I had gotten so fat, that my regular clothes weren't fitting me anymore. I am framecel. Thin wrists, small forearems, narrow shoulders, manboobs, my clothes were size M.

Size M no longer fits me. I now wear XXL. I had to take one of my dad's T shirts to have something that fits me. It was horrible. So much stress and humiliation for NOTHING.

I am free now. I am currently drinking 750 ml beer. Earlier I've eaten tiramisu cake, and 4 cups of pudding. This is the beginning of the end for me, there is no reason not to let myself go, there is no fucking way I end up an old incel. I will die within 10 years, I KNOW it, I feel it.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

My parents will die in 5-7 years, I will die in 10 years.

 

[theozz]

My parents will die in 5-7 years, I will die in 10 years.

How old are u right now? Also do u have advice? Coz I don’t have any motivation to work out or anything, so I only eat once a day, but idk if I should eat more so I don’t feel hungry coz hunger reminds me of the reason I have no motivation

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

How old are u right now? Also do u have advice? Coz I don’t have any motivation to work out or anything, so I only eat once a day, but idk if I should eat more so I don’t feel hungry coz hunger reminds me of the reason I have no motivation

I am 31. I only have two pieces of advice:

1. If you are young and you are not an ugly subhuman like me that causes humans to recoil in disgust when they see you, then leave this place and focus on self-improvement, then play the long dating app game, and aim for a low tier becky.

2. If you are like me, then it has always been over.

 

[theozz]

I am 31. I only have two pieces of advice:

1. If you are young and you are not an ugly subhuman like me that causes humans to recoil in disgust when they see you, then leave this plan and focus on self-improvement, then play the long dating app game, and aim for a low tier becky.

2. If you are like me, then it has always been over.

Even sub3 girls and fatcels are disgusted by me, I’ve never been complimented by a girl and whenever I walk past foids they laugh and say something about me or to me to try and get me to react but I’m so used to it by now

 

[theozz]

Even sub3 girls and fatcels are disgusted by me, I’ve never been complimented by a girl and whenever I walk past foids they laugh and say something about me or to me to try and get me to react but I’m so used to it by now

I am 31. I only have two pieces of advice:

1. If you are young and you are not an ugly subhuman like me that causes humans to recoil in disgust when they see you, then leave this place and focus on self-improvement, then play the long dating app game, and aim for a low tier becky.

2. If you are like me, then it has always been over.

And self improvement Is cope, ive been all weight catagories, overweight, normal and underweight and it’s always been the same.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

Even sub3 girls and fatcels are disgusted by me, I’ve never been complimented by a girl and whenever I walk past foids they laugh and say something about me or to me to try and get me to react but I’m so used to it by now

Never began

 

[theozz]

Never began

Fr. Tbh, anyone below average now is fucked over and given anxiety and depression and treated non human. Even if I looked a bit better I would still be the same person and treated the same due to amazingly high standards

 

[Icarus]

This whole thing was supposed to be something important for me. A coming of age. It was going to be the first time I make the doctor appointments 100% myself, because my mom used to make them for me.

But the entire thing is so confusing and so draining.

First, I went to the family doctor, who redirected me in THREE DIFFERENT FUCKING PLACES. One was a laboratory for radiography, another was a clinic for blood and urine analys, and then a hopital to get consuled by a more specialized doctor.

I had to make to courage to make phone calls. Despite working a literal call center job, for some reason my subhuman brain still gets intense anxiety before making phone calls. I guess the problem is with outbound calls, at work I only get inbound calls.

And of course, I had to figure out with Google Maps how to get there. And needless to say, each placing was fucking huge, with multiple rooms and floors. And there is no fucking map layout, you have to ask the moggers at reception for help, then wait 30 minutes in the line despite making an appointment.

It was a humiliation ritual, and it was for NOTHING. Get better for what? To extend this miserable excuse of a 'life'? It caused me so much anxiety and time.

At this point, it's just not worth it. It is more convenient to remain with the affliction in the security of my house, even if it is disruptive. I already found a workaround that I like: I drink beer before before and it makes me sleepy, problem solved

I read brocel

I agree, I think you made the right call.

We're all just waiting for the end anyway, so there's no point in extending life past a certain point.

That being said though I don't want you to hurt yourself, and I hope you find some good copes that help take away the pain.

 

[LOLI BREEDING]

And it's not as if I was Henry Cavill but just with an ugly face,

Everything is bad about my body as well. Thin wrists, small forearms, narrow shoulders, scoliosis, klinefelter syndrome.

I feel like my body is operating against my interests, trying its hardest to make me as ugly as possible.

I am not my body. I am a separate entity. I am the SOUL trapped in this meat prison.

I don't want to give medicine anymore to my body, it doesn't deserve it. I want to let it die.

you could roidmax and walk around with this expression

it works pretty well

 

[Nintendo 64]

mann

 

[fiveTwo]

Damn man so sorry. I’m on the same boat, autism ND, scoliosis, oldcel, even the phone call anxiety, but also midget-tier height . I think we would’ve been okay for just being sub5, so at least we’re invisible and left alone. It’s the uncanny valley sub5 that just amplifies the horn effect. What eases my anxiety is avoiding social interactions at all cost, and only go out, gymrott, when I know it’s not packed. I genuinely miss 2020-2022 where I was mandated to wear a mask, truly two years of bliss. I used to tighten the masks so hard to get hunter eyes. Once the mask fell off (literally) I went back to reality.

 

[yukio_mishima]

And it's not as if I was Henry Cavill but just with an ugly face,

Everything is bad about my body as well. Thin wrists, small forearms, narrow shoulders, scoliosis, klinefelter syndrome.

I feel like my body is operating against my interests, trying its hardest to make me as ugly as possible.

I am not my body. I am a separate entity. I am the SOUL trapped in this meat prison.

I don't want to give medicine anymore to my body, it doesn't deserve it. I want to let it die.

are you actually diagnosed with KS? How many degrees is your spinal curve? You can make forearms/wrists/shoulders look better by gym maxxing, this is not cope.

 

[yukio_mishima]

And it's not as if I was Henry Cavill but just with an ugly face,

Everything is bad about my body as well. Thin wrists, small forearms, narrow shoulders, scoliosis, klinefelter syndrome.

I feel like my body is operating against my interests, trying its hardest to make me as ugly as possible.

I am not my body. I am a separate entity. I am the SOUL trapped in this meat prison.

I don't want to give medicine anymore to my body, it doesn't deserve it. I want to let it die.

Take the medication, you'll regret it. Hop on isotretinoin for acne, and if you're actually diagnosed with KS, you request testosterone replacement therapy.

 

[Pancakecel]

I have to deal with similar reactions from normfags, sorry you have to deal with that shit aswell.

When you look strange, different, subhuman, whatever you wanna call it, people then think it's acceptable to react however they want. I've had it from little kids, all the way up to elderly people, different races, male and female. Glares, comments, sniggers etc.

 

[LOLI BREEDING]

Once they both die, I intend to quit my job, because I only have this job to make my parents proud of me. I don’t want them to die worrying about me becoming homeless. And there is no fucking way I wageslave an entry level call center job for NOTHING. The whole point of wageslaving is betabuxxing. You work hard to provide, and you get women’s holes as a reward.

mogs me. I'd never wage just to impress my mom I rather ldar all day and have her cook and clean for me

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

are you actually diagnosed with KS? How many degrees is your spinal curve?

No. But if you search ''lordosis'' or ''klinefelter syndrome'' or Google, it's exactly how I look.

You can make forearms/wrists/shoulders look better by gym maxxing, this is not cope.

I agree, but this is only worth it if you are a low tier normie AT THE VERY least.

I am 31 now. Even if I were to drastically change my life and dedicate my life to gymmaxxing, there would be no point, and not worth the effort. I have too many negative qualities and traits intersecting, causing me to be a disgusting subhuman.

Gymmaxxing and looksmaxxing is worth it only if you are normie.

request testosterone replacement therapy.

I have considered this in the past, but now I realize how over it is over. I know I've said ''never began'' a hundred times, but I mean it this time. It genuinely never began for me. I am simply unfortunate...

 

[starystulejarz]

Only treatment is to become hedonistic rotter and die.

 

[Cuckoja]

Brutally sad experience brocel. Being treated like this for no reason at all is beyond evil. You are one of the nicest guys here. Never harmed anyone. Im really sorry.

 

[Nithingr]

 

[Emba]

My condolences bro

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

My condolences bro

It is over for me

Truly

 

[Emba]

It is over for me

Truly

The automatic flinch and wince that normies do upon seeing me, hurts more than their words.

 

[Gaelic-Truecel]

I can relate to this story particularly when my skin condition flares up on my face. Overhearing peoples whisperering.
Another thing that people comment on is my autistic resting facial expression. They often say "that guy looks happy" being sarcastic.
I can't even have a resting facial expression in public.

 

[EcstasyCel]

I cant even go to the doctor anymore because they keep annoying me to take my schizo meds BECAUSE I ASKED OUT A GIRL

 

[Sir Silentium]

The experiences mentioned above were all related to my face.

About 5 years ago, I went to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I analyzed all the elements trying to identify what was so bad.

I thought maybe my eyebrows were too bushy, so I plucked them and made them thinner.

I thought my eyelashes were too long, so I cut them.

I thought my philtrum was too deep, so I let my mustache grow to hide it.

But nothing made a difference, I get the same reaction. The whole of my face is uglier than the sum of its parts.

I can relate. When we have tried and nothing has changed, we would be ignorant to continue. May as well spend our time on other things then for it to be wasted on "improving" into a dead end.

 

[nihilum]

I am ugly and neurodivergent.

 

[The Notorious SLAV]

this was a brutal read

My first thought as well. Not much more to add.