It never made sense why I was treated so unfairly by my parent. Why was I not given the same resources? At one point, I had to go to school shoeless. I literally walked barefoot from school. It was a mortifying experience. It's not like we were poor or could not afford stuff. This was a semi-private school. I remember getting scolded or beaten every weekend by my mom for trivial things (like mopping the floor in the 'wrong' direction). I remember the tone that was used to address me. It was always filled with hate and indignation, and it was antagonistic. Eventually, I got kicked out because my brother refused to do his chores and play by the rules that the whole family agreed on. My brother needed to only raise his voice or outright refuse, and I would take a beating and be forced to do his duties.
I didn't completely understand why. But now it all makes sense. I had an abnormal body frame and was struggling with development. Had thin wrists and small hands.
I also had a squeaky, undeveloped voice in my teens. Purbephonia is the medical term. So no one took me seriously.
I remember during PE when I was asked my name by the teacher. He sought or glanced at me when I spoke, and everyone burst into hysterical, scathing laughter.
I was always alone, and no one wanted me in their friend group for too long. They made fun of how I walked and my posture. One of the high school seniors said I should stand upright because I look gay or something. I didn't get it. I was standing upright. Again, everyone burst into laughter.
At one time, one of my classmates said I sounded like I was raped, and I walked like I was raped. It made me so self-conscious. I was never comfortable walking again—at least when people were around. As for my voice? I just hated listening to audio recordings of it. They made me cringe so bad. I sounded like a child.
Well, here I am today, in my 20s. struggling with social anxiety and panic attacks, OCD, and ADHD, plus the occasional bouts of depression. I even struggle with overcoming behavioral addictions like excessive internet use as an escape. I have even attempted suicide more than 20 times in the past. After reading Elliott Rodger's manifesto and finding the black pill, I can see why these things happen and why I have absolutely no hope. zero chance at relationships, both friendly and romantic.
Whenever I greet people, they get awkwardly silent. I remember my Uber driver becoming very silent when he saw me in person. Almost uncomfortable. When I noticed my brother interact with these same people, they automatically respected him and had a normal conversation.
At least the confusion is gone. I can now have some sense of peace knowing the truth.
I didn't completely understand why. But now it all makes sense. I had an abnormal body frame and was struggling with development. Had thin wrists and small hands.
I also had a squeaky, undeveloped voice in my teens. Purbephonia is the medical term. So no one took me seriously.
I remember during PE when I was asked my name by the teacher. He sought or glanced at me when I spoke, and everyone burst into hysterical, scathing laughter.
I was always alone, and no one wanted me in their friend group for too long. They made fun of how I walked and my posture. One of the high school seniors said I should stand upright because I look gay or something. I didn't get it. I was standing upright. Again, everyone burst into laughter.
At one time, one of my classmates said I sounded like I was raped, and I walked like I was raped. It made me so self-conscious. I was never comfortable walking again—at least when people were around. As for my voice? I just hated listening to audio recordings of it. They made me cringe so bad. I sounded like a child.
Well, here I am today, in my 20s. struggling with social anxiety and panic attacks, OCD, and ADHD, plus the occasional bouts of depression. I even struggle with overcoming behavioral addictions like excessive internet use as an escape. I have even attempted suicide more than 20 times in the past. After reading Elliott Rodger's manifesto and finding the black pill, I can see why these things happen and why I have absolutely no hope. zero chance at relationships, both friendly and romantic.
Whenever I greet people, they get awkwardly silent. I remember my Uber driver becoming very silent when he saw me in person. Almost uncomfortable. When I noticed my brother interact with these same people, they automatically respected him and had a normal conversation.
At least the confusion is gone. I can now have some sense of peace knowing the truth.
i dont what to say mang, i get mocked all the time for being 5'2
