Sicko’s this is what you are missing out on unless you escortmaxx. Escortmaxxers I highly recommend finding a whore you can do these to and post video evidence…. though, don’t do the last one
….I am keen to try the Charizarding.
The Kentucky Klondike Bar
“The act of freezing a bowel movement and sexually penetrating another with the frozen bowel movement.”
Use it in a sentence: I wanted to give my partner a Kentucky Klondike Bar, but my shit took too long to freeze. So we watched the newest episode Two-and-a-Half Men instead. Because Mixology was canceled.
The Panamanian Petting Zoo
“When one force one’s partner to pick the nuts and corn out of a bowel movement. The partner then presents the nuts and corn to in a cup or a dish. One then tosses the nuts and corn onto the bed where the partner eats them like a goat or other typical petting zoo animal. “ (Can be combined with the Kentucky Klondike Bar.)
Use it in a sentence: I had the biggest shock of my life when Jason asked if I’d like to go to the Panamanian Petting Zoo with him. Everything was fine, until I saw the corn. I don’t remember eating corn? When the hell did I eat corn?
The Alabama Hot Pocket:
1.”the art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shat inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)“
2. “The Alabama Hot Pocket is a special fetish maneuver that roughly involves taking a shit into a woman’s vagina, typically followed up by a good ole fuckin’. The term “Alabama” originated from a lesser known, but crucial additional practice that involves “Porky Piggin’” the female who has recieved the Hot Pocket. In Alabama, you see, good old redneck boys, when bored, would fuck pig troughs or large, wet piles of mud. To properly perform the Porky Piggin’ follow-up procedure, one must take a massive shit onto the vagina WITHOUT spreading the lips. This creates a core that enters the woman, and then dregs that explode out all over her. By randomly stabbing with the cock, one will successfully Porky Piggin’ the girl... repeating, naturally, the action that would normally be associated with screwing a pile of mud or animal trough.”
3.”A vindictive procedure where a man wearing a condom uses a linement such as Icy Hot or Ben Gay-type heating rub as a condom lubricant (applied only to the exterior or the condom) to give a sexual partner (usually a woman) a nasty, painful surprise.”
Use it in a sentence: Henry tries, Marge, but when he gives me an Alabama Hot Pocket it feels more like a science than an art. There’s just no passion.
The Flying Camel:
“As your gal is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.”
Use it in a sentence: Hey, John, you should never attempt a flying camel at home because, yes, you can break your penis and insurance rates are at an all-time high right now. Too bad we don’t live in Canada.
Cold Lunch:
1. “The simple sexual act of forcing yourself to throw up into another person’s mouth, usually in the result of the other person eating it.”
2. “when a man pisses and freezes his piss into the shape of of dick. he then has the woman suck both his dick and the frozen piss popsicle at the same time until she eventually winds up with a mouth full of piss slush and cum.”
3. “To be deepthroated so hard the whore regurgitates her partners penis and continue sucking.”
4. “The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio.” [I want to imagine this is a consensual act, but it also features vomit so I don’t want to imagine it at all.]
Use it in a sentence: No. Vomit is the most disgusting of bodily fluids (to me) and I refuse to sit here and come up with a valid sentence for the purposes of illustrating the Cold Lunch unless there is a significant pay raise in my near future. Thank you.
Charizarding:
“When you light a girls pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz then flap your arms and say ‘You don’t have enough badges to train me.’” [This is a new take on an old favourite, The Flaming Amazon.]
Use it in a sentence: I want to evolve into a sexual Charmeleon, but I faint every time I Charizard.
Kennebunkport Surprise:
“Secretly, sneakily, the male fills his mouth to near bursting with New England Clam Chowder. Then, whilst performing cunnilingus on a woman, he simultaneously punches both of his cheeks, thus blowing the clam chowder up the woman’s vagina.”
Use it in a sentence: Brad and I wanted to do something different last friday, so we tried the Kennebunkport Surprise. Call me a prude, but I think clam chowder tastes much better in a bowl made out of delicious sourdough bread. It’s a bowl. Made out of bread. What a time to be alive!
The Landshark:
“The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.”
Use it in a sentence: My favorite part of The Landshark is hearing the iconic theme composed by John Williams. Sometimes, I like to have the other person start a few rooms away so I can hear the entire thing before engaging in mutually satisfying sexual congress followed by waffles.
Ballcuzi:
“Place your nuts in a bowl of warm water. Then have a girl put a straw into the bowl and blow bubbles under your balls. Rubber ducky is optional of course.”
Use it in a sentence: Their hot tub was broken, so Lee and Jordan took turns in the ballcuzi.
WARNING: ONLY CLICK SPOILER IF YOU ARE A SICK FUCK
….I am keen to try the Charizarding.
The Kentucky Klondike Bar
“The act of freezing a bowel movement and sexually penetrating another with the frozen bowel movement.”
Use it in a sentence: I wanted to give my partner a Kentucky Klondike Bar, but my shit took too long to freeze. So we watched the newest episode Two-and-a-Half Men instead. Because Mixology was canceled.
The Panamanian Petting Zoo
“When one force one’s partner to pick the nuts and corn out of a bowel movement. The partner then presents the nuts and corn to in a cup or a dish. One then tosses the nuts and corn onto the bed where the partner eats them like a goat or other typical petting zoo animal. “ (Can be combined with the Kentucky Klondike Bar.)
Use it in a sentence: I had the biggest shock of my life when Jason asked if I’d like to go to the Panamanian Petting Zoo with him. Everything was fine, until I saw the corn. I don’t remember eating corn? When the hell did I eat corn?
The Alabama Hot Pocket:
1.”the art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shat inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)“
2. “The Alabama Hot Pocket is a special fetish maneuver that roughly involves taking a shit into a woman’s vagina, typically followed up by a good ole fuckin’. The term “Alabama” originated from a lesser known, but crucial additional practice that involves “Porky Piggin’” the female who has recieved the Hot Pocket. In Alabama, you see, good old redneck boys, when bored, would fuck pig troughs or large, wet piles of mud. To properly perform the Porky Piggin’ follow-up procedure, one must take a massive shit onto the vagina WITHOUT spreading the lips. This creates a core that enters the woman, and then dregs that explode out all over her. By randomly stabbing with the cock, one will successfully Porky Piggin’ the girl... repeating, naturally, the action that would normally be associated with screwing a pile of mud or animal trough.”
3.”A vindictive procedure where a man wearing a condom uses a linement such as Icy Hot or Ben Gay-type heating rub as a condom lubricant (applied only to the exterior or the condom) to give a sexual partner (usually a woman) a nasty, painful surprise.”
Use it in a sentence: Henry tries, Marge, but when he gives me an Alabama Hot Pocket it feels more like a science than an art. There’s just no passion.
The Flying Camel:
“As your gal is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.”
Use it in a sentence: Hey, John, you should never attempt a flying camel at home because, yes, you can break your penis and insurance rates are at an all-time high right now. Too bad we don’t live in Canada.
Cold Lunch:
1. “The simple sexual act of forcing yourself to throw up into another person’s mouth, usually in the result of the other person eating it.”
2. “when a man pisses and freezes his piss into the shape of of dick. he then has the woman suck both his dick and the frozen piss popsicle at the same time until she eventually winds up with a mouth full of piss slush and cum.”
3. “To be deepthroated so hard the whore regurgitates her partners penis and continue sucking.”
4. “The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio.” [I want to imagine this is a consensual act, but it also features vomit so I don’t want to imagine it at all.]
Use it in a sentence: No. Vomit is the most disgusting of bodily fluids (to me) and I refuse to sit here and come up with a valid sentence for the purposes of illustrating the Cold Lunch unless there is a significant pay raise in my near future. Thank you.
Charizarding:
“When you light a girls pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz then flap your arms and say ‘You don’t have enough badges to train me.’” [This is a new take on an old favourite, The Flaming Amazon.]
Use it in a sentence: I want to evolve into a sexual Charmeleon, but I faint every time I Charizard.
Kennebunkport Surprise:
“Secretly, sneakily, the male fills his mouth to near bursting with New England Clam Chowder. Then, whilst performing cunnilingus on a woman, he simultaneously punches both of his cheeks, thus blowing the clam chowder up the woman’s vagina.”
Use it in a sentence: Brad and I wanted to do something different last friday, so we tried the Kennebunkport Surprise. Call me a prude, but I think clam chowder tastes much better in a bowl made out of delicious sourdough bread. It’s a bowl. Made out of bread. What a time to be alive!
The Landshark:
“The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.”
Use it in a sentence: My favorite part of The Landshark is hearing the iconic theme composed by John Williams. Sometimes, I like to have the other person start a few rooms away so I can hear the entire thing before engaging in mutually satisfying sexual congress followed by waffles.
Ballcuzi:
“Place your nuts in a bowl of warm water. Then have a girl put a straw into the bowl and blow bubbles under your balls. Rubber ducky is optional of course.”
Use it in a sentence: Their hot tub was broken, so Lee and Jordan took turns in the ballcuzi.
WARNING: ONLY CLICK SPOILER IF YOU ARE A SICK FUCK
Munging:
“The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased. man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse’s stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks’ll dig this one.”
“The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased. man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse’s stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks’ll dig this one.”
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