Imagine the sadness and pain a person feels when they grow old, unable to act out their desires with their loved ones, and responsibility amounts. Now imagine having nothing, and getting older, decaying, realizing you are dying and getting more tired with more and more responsibility.
My life lot of being outcast and vilified at a young age for no reason and every person delegitimizes your feelings, being born to an ugly spiritually lower class mother and a spergy child-like father, you have me (not to mention seizures causing me to stutter and be uncoordinated, meaning I sucked at sports) - has all led to this. I made decisions to cut myself off socially and protect myself from harm out of self-preservation instincts, and ruined any chance of positivity in my life. And I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness every single day.
I know that I am destined for death alone. Without friends, without lovers. I'm a sad, pathetic, 26 (26!) year old man. Sure, I have a career and do my job. But that doesn't mean anything when most people hate you; and as this is the start of my career, who knows where it will go given how "different" I am; my behavior is not normal, but even when I muster all my energy to act normal, most people can tell I am not normal by just the topics I talk about.
I tried it all when I realized things weren't turning up at age 22. I got in shape, got a new haircut, asked people to do stuff, put myself out there. It's been almost four years, and nothing, barring one short lived friendship has come of it. Sure, Covid hit, but that doesn't change anything.
My life experiences have shaped me permanently. A total subhuman.
I know deep down I am not MORALLY RESPONSIBLE for my decisions. I was given a shit hand in my life by selfish, egoistic people who should've never been married. I am not the person I am today. Deep down, I know if circumstances were slightly different in my life, I could've become something so much more in my life.
Goodbye my friends, I'm leaving this forum for good now. I said I would before, this time I'm serious, as I've stopped caring about human beings and their perceptions of me. Politics no longer mean anything to me, people no longer mean anything to me.
I think I'll embrace the role of Dracula. I'll do my best to be as civilized, formal, and classy as a human being as possible, even if it's for naught. I have my cat, my book collection (which I'm starting), my instrument that I practice, a gym membership, and the occasional swig of wine and booze, my own apartment.
I know how the Devil feels, and I don't desire God, the Saints, or any notion of family. I want to be with someone who understands the grueling pain of eternal isolation and darkness, with no hope. And I want to be by his side, smoking a cigarette and talking about our experiences. That will be true love.
I offer all of my suffering, pain, and sadness to the Dark Lord, Satanas-Lucifer. Eventually, all shall end; Michael shall blow the trumpet, Raphael shall pour the bowls, all the eros in the world shall be put out through the blizzards of heaven, and all the light shall be snuffed out as a candle, as everything is brought back to zero, and I, for one, will eternally cry and weep in the place where the worm dieth not, knowing that the flame in my heart never burned for another. May I one day see the Dark Lord in the darkness.
My life lot of being outcast and vilified at a young age for no reason and every person delegitimizes your feelings, being born to an ugly spiritually lower class mother and a spergy child-like father, you have me (not to mention seizures causing me to stutter and be uncoordinated, meaning I sucked at sports) - has all led to this. I made decisions to cut myself off socially and protect myself from harm out of self-preservation instincts, and ruined any chance of positivity in my life. And I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness every single day.
I know that I am destined for death alone. Without friends, without lovers. I'm a sad, pathetic, 26 (26!) year old man. Sure, I have a career and do my job. But that doesn't mean anything when most people hate you; and as this is the start of my career, who knows where it will go given how "different" I am; my behavior is not normal, but even when I muster all my energy to act normal, most people can tell I am not normal by just the topics I talk about.
I tried it all when I realized things weren't turning up at age 22. I got in shape, got a new haircut, asked people to do stuff, put myself out there. It's been almost four years, and nothing, barring one short lived friendship has come of it. Sure, Covid hit, but that doesn't change anything.
My life experiences have shaped me permanently. A total subhuman.
I know deep down I am not MORALLY RESPONSIBLE for my decisions. I was given a shit hand in my life by selfish, egoistic people who should've never been married. I am not the person I am today. Deep down, I know if circumstances were slightly different in my life, I could've become something so much more in my life.
Goodbye my friends, I'm leaving this forum for good now. I said I would before, this time I'm serious, as I've stopped caring about human beings and their perceptions of me. Politics no longer mean anything to me, people no longer mean anything to me.
I think I'll embrace the role of Dracula. I'll do my best to be as civilized, formal, and classy as a human being as possible, even if it's for naught. I have my cat, my book collection (which I'm starting), my instrument that I practice, a gym membership, and the occasional swig of wine and booze, my own apartment.
I know how the Devil feels, and I don't desire God, the Saints, or any notion of family. I want to be with someone who understands the grueling pain of eternal isolation and darkness, with no hope. And I want to be by his side, smoking a cigarette and talking about our experiences. That will be true love.
I offer all of my suffering, pain, and sadness to the Dark Lord, Satanas-Lucifer. Eventually, all shall end; Michael shall blow the trumpet, Raphael shall pour the bowls, all the eros in the world shall be put out through the blizzards of heaven, and all the light shall be snuffed out as a candle, as everything is brought back to zero, and I, for one, will eternally cry and weep in the place where the worm dieth not, knowing that the flame in my heart never burned for another. May I one day see the Dark Lord in the darkness.
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