D
Is this a sign that it's completely over for me?
I'm starting to seriously get out of touch with reality.
My awareness seems to decrease more and more every day, I find it more and more difficult to make the distinction between the real life and a day or night dream.
Real life doesn't feel more real than a dream anymore.
I swear I sometimes have false memories of things that never happened in real life but actually took place in a night dream or a daydreaming session in my imaginary universe with my imaginary oneitis/social circle, only realizing the memory was false after thinking for a few minutes about the memory and noticing impossible things in it or having other people point out it never happened (like I've once had my mom point out that one thing I "remembered" recently never happened in reality).
Real life feels so unreal to me... Everything is hazy and confusing, as if I'm not fully awake, and my patterns of thinking and opinions are also very troubled and disorganized similarly to when you're in a dream and aren't fully yourself.
I'm wondering if this could be a sign of brain damage due to my lack of stimulation and irregular sleep schedule, among others?
I mean, what else could it be? I don't think it's normal to get false memories very often and feel almost zero difference between dreams and real life...
I don't even feel connected to my body anymore, I feel a sense of numbness for all sensations. I used to be a guy with a bad pain tolerance but this morning I've burned my fingers with very hot water and, I swear, the pain didn't bother me at all, I felt it a little bit but it didn't bother me and was able to resist it.
My body almost feels foreign, as if the little of awareness I've still got belongs in a different body...
Oh, and to end this thread, let's talk about my loss of sex drive in the last few weeks/months.
There was a time when I used to be obsessed about sex, when my biggest dream was to fuck with foids for as long as possible, when I would masturbate twice every day, when I would unintentionally get hard and ejaculate simply using my imagination...
Now? I can look at the hardest porn specifically built for my fetishes ever, no arousal or pleasure of any kind.
And I don't think having the hottest 10/10 stacy in front of me would be any different... I'm wondering if I might unknowingly be an asexual volcel at this point, I simply can't enjoy anything sex-related anymore.
Firstly, I completely lost the notion of time (I don't even know the current date or even the current day of the week, and don't even remember the last time I knew that info).
Secondly, I forgot how my face looks (never looked at my face in a mirror or photo since months if not years, I genuinely forgot how my face looks, all I can remember is that I had a recessed jawline, acne and a big nose).
Thirdly, I lost my libido/sex drive as already mentioned above.
And NOW I'm getting out of sync with my body and the entire reality around me, confusing everything with dreams or fiction.
Did I die? Am I in hell? Because, nothing, absolutely nothing can fix me, there's no cure for me.
No amount of love, validation or intimacy with a foid can save me anymore, I fell way to deep in the hellhole of self-loathing, misanthropy and insanity.
No amount of socialization can save me anymore: my autism, social anxiety and high-inhibition all skyrocketed to beyond believable levels.
No amount of physical exercice can save me, getting muscles isn't going to solve any of the issues that brought me first into this situation.
And I can't even rope because I'm too much of a laughable coward for that, at least for the moment.
My only cope right now is listening to rave/hardcore music because it helps me daydream more easily for some reason.
Sorry if this post is too long but I HAD to vent about my situation somewhere, and the internet is the only place where I feel comfortable due to anonymity.
I'm starting to seriously get out of touch with reality.
My awareness seems to decrease more and more every day, I find it more and more difficult to make the distinction between the real life and a day or night dream.
Real life doesn't feel more real than a dream anymore.
I swear I sometimes have false memories of things that never happened in real life but actually took place in a night dream or a daydreaming session in my imaginary universe with my imaginary oneitis/social circle, only realizing the memory was false after thinking for a few minutes about the memory and noticing impossible things in it or having other people point out it never happened (like I've once had my mom point out that one thing I "remembered" recently never happened in reality).
Real life feels so unreal to me... Everything is hazy and confusing, as if I'm not fully awake, and my patterns of thinking and opinions are also very troubled and disorganized similarly to when you're in a dream and aren't fully yourself.
I'm wondering if this could be a sign of brain damage due to my lack of stimulation and irregular sleep schedule, among others?
I mean, what else could it be? I don't think it's normal to get false memories very often and feel almost zero difference between dreams and real life...
I don't even feel connected to my body anymore, I feel a sense of numbness for all sensations. I used to be a guy with a bad pain tolerance but this morning I've burned my fingers with very hot water and, I swear, the pain didn't bother me at all, I felt it a little bit but it didn't bother me and was able to resist it.
My body almost feels foreign, as if the little of awareness I've still got belongs in a different body...
Oh, and to end this thread, let's talk about my loss of sex drive in the last few weeks/months.
There was a time when I used to be obsessed about sex, when my biggest dream was to fuck with foids for as long as possible, when I would masturbate twice every day, when I would unintentionally get hard and ejaculate simply using my imagination...
Now? I can look at the hardest porn specifically built for my fetishes ever, no arousal or pleasure of any kind.
And I don't think having the hottest 10/10 stacy in front of me would be any different... I'm wondering if I might unknowingly be an asexual volcel at this point, I simply can't enjoy anything sex-related anymore.
Firstly, I completely lost the notion of time (I don't even know the current date or even the current day of the week, and don't even remember the last time I knew that info).
Secondly, I forgot how my face looks (never looked at my face in a mirror or photo since months if not years, I genuinely forgot how my face looks, all I can remember is that I had a recessed jawline, acne and a big nose).
Thirdly, I lost my libido/sex drive as already mentioned above.
And NOW I'm getting out of sync with my body and the entire reality around me, confusing everything with dreams or fiction.
Did I die? Am I in hell? Because, nothing, absolutely nothing can fix me, there's no cure for me.
No amount of love, validation or intimacy with a foid can save me anymore, I fell way to deep in the hellhole of self-loathing, misanthropy and insanity.
No amount of socialization can save me anymore: my autism, social anxiety and high-inhibition all skyrocketed to beyond believable levels.
No amount of physical exercice can save me, getting muscles isn't going to solve any of the issues that brought me first into this situation.
And I can't even rope because I'm too much of a laughable coward for that, at least for the moment.
My only cope right now is listening to rave/hardcore music because it helps me daydream more easily for some reason.
Sorry if this post is too long but I HAD to vent about my situation somewhere, and the internet is the only place where I feel comfortable due to anonymity.
