What do you struggle with irl?
- concentration, keeping my thoughts straight. Disorganized thinking
- cant stick to anything long term, not enough motivation
- very bad short term memory, even in mid conversation or in middle of writing a thread, my memory just gets wiped and I go on a tangent, like the thread restarts in the middle of it. You can tell where it happens when reading my threads.
- very bad at mathematics because of this, can not keep multiple objects in mind at once
- incapable of seeing big picture. For example imagine a chess board with multiple pieces. I can only ever see 1 piece at a time, while completely ignoring the other ones. I can never see the big picture and how everything unfolds.
This also makes driving a car impossible, because I can only do one thing at a time. When I look in the rearview mirror, the road head of me "disappears" from my awareness. Or when I shift gears. This is very dangerous.
examples:
- at internship I had to count office shit using a clipboard with checklists. Usually would take office foid like 1h to do. I would be at it for 2 days and couldnt finish it, they had to do it for me. Its literally just counting pencils and putting a checkmark on the list
- basic shit like "go to the store, buy 12L of milk, 1 bag of coffee and put gas in the tank" - I will literally forget everything 1minute later. If you told met to do this verbally, I would forget how much milk you asked for, what the 2nd thing was etc immediately.
Verbal instructions and teaching are impossible because my short term memory is so terrible. I had to learn everything in school myself, outside school, from mere curiosity because I did not learn anything in school. I would leave a classroom after 45-90 minutes and just have a blank in my head. No information was saved.
- a lot of things cause me distress from overwhelm because its too much to process visually.
Like, if I see a cluttered space, like a table full of food, that stresses the shit out of me. When I am outside and look up from the ground, its overwhelming because my vision cant take in the "whole picture" like a scene. Instead it darts around between details constantly. Its exhausting, so I look down on the ground, cuz its uniform.
This also makes cooking recepies with more than 5 ingredients very difficult. I get confused. Anything with multiple steps and long term planning is too much.
Basically, outside of basic life maintenance like cleaning myself, eating basic foods, drinking water, I am completely useless. Thats why I was homeless and I am on welfare rn.