For Reasons Unkown

[Feeshtu]

I’m not sure how I came to be this way.
Some say that it is my schizophrenia, but it is not.
Truthfully, I’m not really that much crazier than the average person.

I very seldom smile.
Even when someone smiles at me, I stare blankly for a moment then look down.

I do not care about anything or anyone.
There is only me, in my own world.
I am not purposefully mean to others and I don’t want anyone to suffer.
But, I don’t care either.
It doesn’t bother me that the homeless are freezing this winter, that druggies overdose, or that there was a fatal car accident.

Nothing breaks through to my inner self.

I don’t go ER because I don’t want to get locked up in prison.

There is a faint glimmer of excitement inside of me when great tragedies occur.

Wouldn’t it be exciting to watch a huge asteroid fall from the sky, coming down to destroy the Earth?

I’d get myself a strong cup of coffee and just watch it fall.

I don’t know what is wrong with me.
I just live for sex and money. But I don’t have either of those two things.

What am I even doing here?
What is the point of all of this?

The greatest joke of it all is that I am still a better person than most people that I have known.