I bought condoms for the first time in my life tonight. I was messaging a women I "met" through a hookup discord server.
I spent close to $300, on condoms, lube, and an uber ride to her location and back.
The story she told me was this- that she needs something to distract her "roommates."
It was basically a gift card, she asked to have the code to use so they're distracted when I get there.
I went there. The lights were off in the house. I asked her to come out, she said the card didn't work and I needed to send another one.
I told her to meet me outside.
She got mad at me and refused.
I bought another uber ride home.
I'm an idiot, I realize it was a scam but I fucking should have known. I'm so desperate. I'm so stupid.
I had waited to buy condoms and had never got them before because I sort of always liked the idea of being a little naive with them, still hoping that I'd be losing my virginity to a virgin girl. That fantasy is long gone, but I still had the same thought process of "I'm not going to buy condoms until I know for a fact that I'm going to be having sex."
I thought that would be tonight.
I feel like I'm hitting a wall where every fucking process in my body is telling me it's time to stop being a virgin, that at this point for whatever reason, (because I'm an adult now I guess?) I am biological infected by not having sex. Like as if one part of myself stopped growing while everything else did, probably an organ or something, its still the same size as it was 5, 10 years ago. It still works, its just in a situation where it and every other part of my body knows something isn't right.
I dont know how to end this post.
I'm an idiot.
I spent close to $300, on condoms, lube, and an uber ride to her location and back.
The story she told me was this- that she needs something to distract her "roommates."
It was basically a gift card, she asked to have the code to use so they're distracted when I get there.
I went there. The lights were off in the house. I asked her to come out, she said the card didn't work and I needed to send another one.
I told her to meet me outside.
She got mad at me and refused.
I bought another uber ride home.
I'm an idiot, I realize it was a scam but I fucking should have known. I'm so desperate. I'm so stupid.
I had waited to buy condoms and had never got them before because I sort of always liked the idea of being a little naive with them, still hoping that I'd be losing my virginity to a virgin girl. That fantasy is long gone, but I still had the same thought process of "I'm not going to buy condoms until I know for a fact that I'm going to be having sex."
I thought that would be tonight.
I feel like I'm hitting a wall where every fucking process in my body is telling me it's time to stop being a virgin, that at this point for whatever reason, (because I'm an adult now I guess?) I am biological infected by not having sex. Like as if one part of myself stopped growing while everything else did, probably an organ or something, its still the same size as it was 5, 10 years ago. It still works, its just in a situation where it and every other part of my body knows something isn't right.
I dont know how to end this post.
I'm an idiot.
