Hello. Sorry if this looks terrible. I struggle with writing my thoughts and feelings out but I really need to get this off of my chest and hope to make some friends here.
I've been lurking here since 2023 when I was 15 years old (discovered this site by accident) and wanted joined but I saw it was against the rules for underage users to join so I decided to wait it out until my 18th birthday (which is today). Yes I know that is young, but I have several reasons why I feel like it's over for me.
I am lonely and have been ridiculed all of my life, especially by my mother. Girls never liked me and there had been times where they straight up called me ugly to my face (which I would detail in my post).
For those who don't want to read the whole thing:
TLDR: I have a overbearing mother who constantly antagonizes and jeopardizes me and my brother yet spoils my sister and caters to her every whim. Girls always hated me and called me ugly to my face. Mocked and teased. Isolated in every way possible. I feel like I'm nearing the end of the road and need to get this off of my chest.
The Long Story:
If there was one person I say practically ruin (or damn near ruined) my life, it had to been my mother.
I don't know where to begin with her; Narcissistic, always trying to find fault in me, always yelling at me for things even if it wasn't my fault. One time she got mad at me for not having my school supplies that she took away my entire computer for the school year.
Back when I was in first grade, my mother decided it was a good idea to repeat first grade for no reason at all. Mind you, I was doing perfectly well in class. This I believe stunted my growth.
Between then until when covid happened, my mother didn't really do much, though she still yelled at me time from time for things.
After covid, she nosedived pretty quickly. She became more angrier, more erratic. I don't know if she is genuinely suffering from a mental illness.
As I said before she is a narcissist (or atleast self-centered); if we (me and my brother) even so much as question her, my mother would first berate us then would go on this sob story about how terrible her life is and how we should be grateful.
While my mother is completely overbearing and domineering to us and demands absolute obedience from us, she is the exact opposite with my younger sister. She spoils her, gives her everything she asks for even if it was too expensive (For context, we are poor). Ironically, my sister is almost never obedient to my mother. More on this later.
Same thing with my father; When I was younger he was always angry for some reason. He beats me and my brother if we did so much as annoy him. Him and my mother got into arguments all the time.
Then once my sister was born, he switched up. He too began excessive doting on her and spoiling her, while simultaneously getting mad with us.
You probably already know what happened with my sister. She's now a spoiled brat who respects no one.
Then there was school.
As far back as first grade, I was mocked and teased. My classmates would laugh at the fact that I wore old clothes that smelled or my speech skills (I stuttered as a kid) or my drawings. In fact, one time during recess in fourth grade, I was playing when a couple of kids found one of my drawings and started laughing at it. I became upset and crawled into a corner and cried. They still laughed at me crying and even the teacher didn't care.
Then there was the girls.
For some reason, girls always found me repulsive.
When I was around 7, I was playing in a park and crawled into a tunnel. Inside there were about three girls sitting in there. I smiled but they looked at me with disgust and said, "Who is this ugly kid?" then told me to go away
I crawled back and was fighting back tears.
In middle school, I was the nice kid. Holding doors for people and such.
I remember in eighth grade I was holding a door after gym class. I peeked my head around the corner and saw there were two girls coming out. One of the girls jumped back as if she got scared. Then the two laughed and walked away and begin talking about how I scared them. Then one of them said the words I never forget;
"He scared me because he was ugly with them big lips."
That still hurts me to this day.
Around the same time, there was this one Mexican girl who for some reason targeted me. She would call me a "weirdo" and once again tell me I was ugly.
In high school, I felt out of place. My first year, I tried to make friends but they would either ignore me or would humiliate me for fun. Then, when I try to ask out girls, they would just straight up reject me.
That's when I got the message that I wasn't welcome and I just mind my own business.
Recently, my father decided to move our family far away, forcing me to commute an hour to school. Without a driver's license, I am now geographically isolated from my peers.
To cope, I decided to take up reading books - mostly philosophy, social science and literature - and I watch videos for most of my spare time. I use to enjoy playing video games but I lost my passion for it because of stress.
But recently, things have taken a turn for the worst; The household is getting more tense, academically I am falling behind and really the future is getting bleaker and bleaker. I feel like I'm going insane and I just need to put this out because I have nobody to talk to.
Anyways, apologies for the long post. Hope you guys have a good rest of your day.
I've been lurking here since 2023 when I was 15 years old (discovered this site by accident) and wanted joined but I saw it was against the rules for underage users to join so I decided to wait it out until my 18th birthday (which is today). Yes I know that is young, but I have several reasons why I feel like it's over for me.
I am lonely and have been ridiculed all of my life, especially by my mother. Girls never liked me and there had been times where they straight up called me ugly to my face (which I would detail in my post).
For those who don't want to read the whole thing:
TLDR: I have a overbearing mother who constantly antagonizes and jeopardizes me and my brother yet spoils my sister and caters to her every whim. Girls always hated me and called me ugly to my face. Mocked and teased. Isolated in every way possible. I feel like I'm nearing the end of the road and need to get this off of my chest.
The Long Story:
If there was one person I say practically ruin (or damn near ruined) my life, it had to been my mother.
I don't know where to begin with her; Narcissistic, always trying to find fault in me, always yelling at me for things even if it wasn't my fault. One time she got mad at me for not having my school supplies that she took away my entire computer for the school year.
Back when I was in first grade, my mother decided it was a good idea to repeat first grade for no reason at all. Mind you, I was doing perfectly well in class. This I believe stunted my growth.
Between then until when covid happened, my mother didn't really do much, though she still yelled at me time from time for things.
After covid, she nosedived pretty quickly. She became more angrier, more erratic. I don't know if she is genuinely suffering from a mental illness.
As I said before she is a narcissist (or atleast self-centered); if we (me and my brother) even so much as question her, my mother would first berate us then would go on this sob story about how terrible her life is and how we should be grateful.
While my mother is completely overbearing and domineering to us and demands absolute obedience from us, she is the exact opposite with my younger sister. She spoils her, gives her everything she asks for even if it was too expensive (For context, we are poor). Ironically, my sister is almost never obedient to my mother. More on this later.
Same thing with my father; When I was younger he was always angry for some reason. He beats me and my brother if we did so much as annoy him. Him and my mother got into arguments all the time.
Then once my sister was born, he switched up. He too began excessive doting on her and spoiling her, while simultaneously getting mad with us.
You probably already know what happened with my sister. She's now a spoiled brat who respects no one.
Then there was school.
As far back as first grade, I was mocked and teased. My classmates would laugh at the fact that I wore old clothes that smelled or my speech skills (I stuttered as a kid) or my drawings. In fact, one time during recess in fourth grade, I was playing when a couple of kids found one of my drawings and started laughing at it. I became upset and crawled into a corner and cried. They still laughed at me crying and even the teacher didn't care.
Then there was the girls.
For some reason, girls always found me repulsive.
When I was around 7, I was playing in a park and crawled into a tunnel. Inside there were about three girls sitting in there. I smiled but they looked at me with disgust and said, "Who is this ugly kid?" then told me to go away
I crawled back and was fighting back tears.
In middle school, I was the nice kid. Holding doors for people and such.
I remember in eighth grade I was holding a door after gym class. I peeked my head around the corner and saw there were two girls coming out. One of the girls jumped back as if she got scared. Then the two laughed and walked away and begin talking about how I scared them. Then one of them said the words I never forget;
"He scared me because he was ugly with them big lips."
That still hurts me to this day.
Around the same time, there was this one Mexican girl who for some reason targeted me. She would call me a "weirdo" and once again tell me I was ugly.
In high school, I felt out of place. My first year, I tried to make friends but they would either ignore me or would humiliate me for fun. Then, when I try to ask out girls, they would just straight up reject me.
That's when I got the message that I wasn't welcome and I just mind my own business.
Recently, my father decided to move our family far away, forcing me to commute an hour to school. Without a driver's license, I am now geographically isolated from my peers.
To cope, I decided to take up reading books - mostly philosophy, social science and literature - and I watch videos for most of my spare time. I use to enjoy playing video games but I lost my passion for it because of stress.
But recently, things have taken a turn for the worst; The household is getting more tense, academically I am falling behind and really the future is getting bleaker and bleaker. I feel like I'm going insane and I just need to put this out because I have nobody to talk to.
Anyways, apologies for the long post. Hope you guys have a good rest of your day.
life never stops torturing us yet it’s only gifts for chad. I hope you pull through
