I don't know why the last few days have been so difficult, just the fact that the machines in my gym have changed places has already made me stressed, and my headset stopped working on one side it was literally suicidefuel I think if I had one gun would have done at that moment, there is no cope for a shitty life, anything I try to do I lose enthusiasm and give up and worst of all is knowing that no one can pull me out of this hole but me, I really can't care about nothing else, people romanticize this as a good thing but it's not, just living without purpose is a death sentence, soon the lockdown in my city will end and I'll have to live in society again, just what people will have I'm an empty shell, I never thought I'd become the shadow of the person I was, I always had problems but I still tried, I had quality that people could identify even though deep down I was who I am today. imagining that part of me would be me full time, is that really me? maybe I should give myself up to drugs and go so deep in them that I can't go back like those hippies, I won't discard that idea for now
