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In the past I used to use anger and hatred to cope with my problems. If I was feeling like shit, it would help to externalize my emotions onto people other than myself. I would usually aim my hatred towards people happier and more successful than me. My thinking was, since I’m unhappy, making life worse for everyone else and leveling the playing field should fix everything and bring balance to an unfair universe.
But here’s a big problem with this: this works in theory, but not in practice. This was only a short term solution, in the long term I realized that hatred just makes you feel even worse, because now not only are you alone and unhappy, but you are amplifying your unhappiness by only focusing on negative emotions 24/7. At least with sadness instead of anger you have other people that will pity you (sometimes), but with anger you not only make it worse for yourself by feeling resentful all the time, but you also increase the chances of other people disliking you as well, making you significantly worse off than before.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, however you try to cope, it doesn’t change your reality if you’re sub 8, and no matter what you do you are just fucked. I’m starting to feel like roping is the only option for some of us, because we will never experience long term happiness and satisfaction like normies. For as long as we live we will be bullied, socially ostracized, and forcefully expelled from society. We can try to lash out at people in return, but like I said that ultimately doesn’t help make us feel better and we will just be hated even more. There is no escape.
Sounds like a stupid reason, but I guess I try to be kind to others not for moral reasons, but for practical ones. Being a social pariah doesn’t bring me happiness, social acceptance does. Of course, being a decent person doesn’t guarantee I will be accepted by others, neither does it seem to benefit me in any way. So what’s the point? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that giving into the darkness and hatred is just going to make it worse for me. So I’m at a crossroads. Where do I go from here? I’m completely lost. Whatever path I take just leads to a dead end. It’s over.
I doubt anyone out there will read this or care, but I had to get this off my chest. It’s almost 5:00 AM and I’ve been awake all night just dreading my future. I don’t want to go on like this. I see nothing ahead in life worth persisting for. This is the perspective of someone who has given up; someone who is completely defeated. Someone who is uncertain about what role I play in any of this mess. I sometimes question whether I should have even been born at all. I don’t know who I am. I’m not a person. People certainly don’t see me as one.
But here’s a big problem with this: this works in theory, but not in practice. This was only a short term solution, in the long term I realized that hatred just makes you feel even worse, because now not only are you alone and unhappy, but you are amplifying your unhappiness by only focusing on negative emotions 24/7. At least with sadness instead of anger you have other people that will pity you (sometimes), but with anger you not only make it worse for yourself by feeling resentful all the time, but you also increase the chances of other people disliking you as well, making you significantly worse off than before.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, however you try to cope, it doesn’t change your reality if you’re sub 8, and no matter what you do you are just fucked. I’m starting to feel like roping is the only option for some of us, because we will never experience long term happiness and satisfaction like normies. For as long as we live we will be bullied, socially ostracized, and forcefully expelled from society. We can try to lash out at people in return, but like I said that ultimately doesn’t help make us feel better and we will just be hated even more. There is no escape.
Sounds like a stupid reason, but I guess I try to be kind to others not for moral reasons, but for practical ones. Being a social pariah doesn’t bring me happiness, social acceptance does. Of course, being a decent person doesn’t guarantee I will be accepted by others, neither does it seem to benefit me in any way. So what’s the point? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that giving into the darkness and hatred is just going to make it worse for me. So I’m at a crossroads. Where do I go from here? I’m completely lost. Whatever path I take just leads to a dead end. It’s over.
I doubt anyone out there will read this or care, but I had to get this off my chest. It’s almost 5:00 AM and I’ve been awake all night just dreading my future. I don’t want to go on like this. I see nothing ahead in life worth persisting for. This is the perspective of someone who has given up; someone who is completely defeated. Someone who is uncertain about what role I play in any of this mess. I sometimes question whether I should have even been born at all. I don’t know who I am. I’m not a person. People certainly don’t see me as one.
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