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I just realised it now. I've been reminiscing my childhood and the memories I have left of my interactions (very few) with my classmates or even kindergarten kids. I've still got memories from that time.
I just realised how genuinely funny I used to be, how nice to be around. Back in the day I was still myself. I wasnt the living corpse i am today.
And I realised.. fuck. This really wasnt what I said, it's that I said it. It's that i said it that they all reacted the way the did. Like you react to a homeless drug addict with needle still in his arm cracking a joke. You dont even care what he says, what he jokes about, whether hes a nice person or not, it's a junkie in your eyes, it's a reject, a loser, something bad, unquestionably bad. That's how I was treated my entire life.
Doesnt matter what I said.
Doesnt matter if I was funny, unfunny, happy, unhappy. None of that ever really made any difference, the way even small kids reacted to me hasn't change to this day.
I'm viewed as a creep. A reject. A loser. An unquestionably bad person, that even if something good were to happen to me its luck.
For subhuman it's always luck, never achievement. It's always the goofy kids with the highest scores at tests, you know the society doesnt view them as better. You know it. It's always, hes a goof, so not a big deal he gets high scores.
it's even if I try, whenever I do my best, no one is impressed. Even my own parents. "Hes a sperg, a goof, a reject, least he gets high scores because the last thing he can do is stay home while his peers experience their first relationships".
I was doomed from the start because of the way I was born, the way I look.
It's funny to reminisce the kids faces of disgust before I even finished talking.
It's funny how back in the day I used to sit thinking how to improve and what I do wrong.
It's funny how I kept my cool every time trying to be liked by anybody. Even one person.
It's funny how I ended up here and a bunch of rejects here are the only people on earth to laugh with me at this circus of a life and this clown motherfucking world.
I just realised how genuinely funny I used to be, how nice to be around. Back in the day I was still myself. I wasnt the living corpse i am today.
And I realised.. fuck. This really wasnt what I said, it's that I said it. It's that i said it that they all reacted the way the did. Like you react to a homeless drug addict with needle still in his arm cracking a joke. You dont even care what he says, what he jokes about, whether hes a nice person or not, it's a junkie in your eyes, it's a reject, a loser, something bad, unquestionably bad. That's how I was treated my entire life.
Doesnt matter what I said.
Doesnt matter if I was funny, unfunny, happy, unhappy. None of that ever really made any difference, the way even small kids reacted to me hasn't change to this day.
I'm viewed as a creep. A reject. A loser. An unquestionably bad person, that even if something good were to happen to me its luck.
For subhuman it's always luck, never achievement. It's always the goofy kids with the highest scores at tests, you know the society doesnt view them as better. You know it. It's always, hes a goof, so not a big deal he gets high scores.
it's even if I try, whenever I do my best, no one is impressed. Even my own parents. "Hes a sperg, a goof, a reject, least he gets high scores because the last thing he can do is stay home while his peers experience their first relationships".
I was doomed from the start because of the way I was born, the way I look.
It's funny to reminisce the kids faces of disgust before I even finished talking.
It's funny how back in the day I used to sit thinking how to improve and what I do wrong.
It's funny how I kept my cool every time trying to be liked by anybody. Even one person.
It's funny how I ended up here and a bunch of rejects here are the only people on earth to laugh with me at this circus of a life and this clown motherfucking world.
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