I used to have a picture explaining different ways of meeting Jesus. I found it on 4chan but deleted it. Does any of you have it or anything similar? Thanks.
Serious Does anyone have the guide on how to kill yourself properly?
are you retarded?
i seem 2 have misplaced it
Very simple.
Grow old
Grow old
If someone actually needed some sort of guide to kill themselves, they should probably go through with it.
[LDAR]
Stage One: Acquire A Brick
A common garden variety brick. Find one of these and you're home and dry.
Tip
Scousers are useful for stealing bricks, just don't give them any money. They breed like mad with money. The last thing the world needs is more Scousers.
This is the most important stage of killing yourself with a brick. After all, you'd look pretty stupid killing yourself with a brick you don't have, now wouldn't you? Now, acquire a brick. They are quite hard to come by on their own, so you'll either have to employ a Scouser to steal one, or buy a house and knock a brick out of the wall with a sledgehammer. NO YOU CANNOT USE A BRICK FROM YOUR CURRENT HOUSE! This is because that hussy of an ex-wife stole it, remember? That's right.
Have you acquired a brick? No? Then what the hell have you been doing?!? No, actually, I don't want to know.
Here, let me help you. Bricks can be quite easily found. Try consulting a local building site. These places are a positive whorehouse for bricks. Bricks turn up all over these places, usually in neat piles to deceive people into thinking they are one huge brick.
Alternatively, as has been previously stated, every person you meet has a brick somewhere on their person. Why not mug someone going past for all you, or they, are worth and steal their precious brick off them? I mean, how dare they not give you the brick when you ask politely? I mean, you say 'please', right, and 'thankee sir', even when they give you nothing, right? Who died and made them Mr. I-Have-A-Brick-And-You-Don't? WHY DOES EVERYONE CARRY BRICKS AROUND?!?
Ahem.
Once you have found a brick move on to stage two.
Stage Two: Kill Yourself
Tip
You should be, more or less, dead.
Once having acquired a brick from a building site, a tumbledown house, a brickmakers company (make sure you are using a safety hat), or a passer-by's bloodsoaked pocket, follow carefully the method ascribed below.
You should probably take the cat off your head before the bricking.
- Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
- Are you sure you're holding the brick properly?
- Assume 'bricking' stance.
- The bricking stance denotes that you must stand with your feet slightly further apart than your shoulders, brick grasped firmly in your hands either hanging below you or raised above your head to the fullest extent of your arms.
- Raise the brick above your head.
- Check that the brick is still a brick, as bricks have tendencies to metamorphose into lepers without warning. Lepers will not kill you with a solid thwack around the head. More likely you will kill them, and then be charged with murder and locked up.
- Now, with the brick still raised above your head, it is time for your final words, or thoughts. Make them good ones. Something along the lines of 'I regret nothing' makes you sound like a loser, which patently you must be since you are killing yourself with a brick, but if nothing else this moment should be your life's epitome. Make a good impression on the Lord (or Satan) with some stunning last words in this life and first ones in the next one. If that fails, show them the new brick wound at the base of your skull, that should impress them to no end.
- Utter your last words.
- Close your eyes, picture fairies, puppies, and kittens. Picture yourself huffing those fairies, puppies, and kittens.
- Violently smash the brick directly into the base of your skull. You should hear a swift sudden (satisfying) crack. Take consolation in the warm flow of blood down the nape of your neck, and the swelling blackness on the edges of your vision.
take 4 tylenol pills for instant death
hold your breath for a long time
I don't think I can acquire them.
That doesn't work, leads only to brain damage.
Fuck off LARP cuck, we all know you wont do it.
keep downing paracetamol until you die
suicide is for the weak
Kill the furries
Yes he is.
See his other thread, where he claims he failed to kill himself multiple times.
Fucking larping cuck.
OP go into a high building. Open window. Jump out.
It won't get easier than that, you don't need "a guide" and you can't "fail".
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