Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
It's a really big flaw of mine.
I realize now that this is why I uninstall video games in 5 minutes, despite searching every day for hours for years now, for a game to play. It's cause I can't moderate. I don't just play for a few minutes, close the game, play again later or another day. No, I either go ALL IN, play for 12 or 16 hours a day, or I uninstall the game altogether.
Same way I ruined my life and my parent's lives and my health with alcohol when I used to drink (quit a few years ago now). I drank so much I woke up in the hospital without remembering how I got there a few times. I couldn't just drink a little bit and get tipsy and buzzed. No, even though I was drinking alone in my room, I drank fucking entire bottles of vodka, liters a day every fucking day, got absolutely wasted.
Yeah, basically everything in my life is like that. I can't moderate. I rot 16 hours a day, I've rotted as much as possible in life. Cause I can't just take a break and exercise or do something productive intermittently - no, I have to be comfy, lying in bed browsing and watching shit on my laptop 24/7. Same with work - I postpone it as much as possible, but when I do it I wanna fucking do it now, 12 hours if it takes but I wanna be done and finish that shit if I start it. So I can finish and go back to rotting again of course, fuck I hate work.
I realize now that this is why I uninstall video games in 5 minutes, despite searching every day for hours for years now, for a game to play. It's cause I can't moderate. I don't just play for a few minutes, close the game, play again later or another day. No, I either go ALL IN, play for 12 or 16 hours a day, or I uninstall the game altogether.
Like, today I finally was tired of not finishing games and deleting everything all the time so I forced myself and I finished the game "Dishonored" in just 1 day, played for like 10 or 12 hours, finished it on the hardest difficulty. Couldn't just space it out over a few days, no, had to for some fucking reason to waste the entire day playing this. Didn't even enjoy it really, plus I played this game years ago too. Or how I kept uninstalling and reinstalling certain game hundreds of times, every day going through the cycle, cause I'd tell myself "this time for sure I'll play it a lot", then I tell myself I won't play it at all, and I go through the cycle of installing and uninstalling.
Same way I ruined my life and my parent's lives and my health with alcohol when I used to drink (quit a few years ago now). I drank so much I woke up in the hospital without remembering how I got there a few times. I couldn't just drink a little bit and get tipsy and buzzed. No, even though I was drinking alone in my room, I drank fucking entire bottles of vodka, liters a day every fucking day, got absolutely wasted.
Yeah, basically everything in my life is like that. I can't moderate. I rot 16 hours a day, I've rotted as much as possible in life. Cause I can't just take a break and exercise or do something productive intermittently - no, I have to be comfy, lying in bed browsing and watching shit on my laptop 24/7. Same with work - I postpone it as much as possible, but when I do it I wanna fucking do it now, 12 hours if it takes but I wanna be done and finish that shit if I start it. So I can finish and go back to rotting again of course, fuck I hate work.
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