I've actually analyzed this rationally, and I concluded that I won't be happy.
Here's what would make me happy and why it won't happen:
1. I could be happy if I had a lot of money. I know myself and I know that if I had a lot of money I'd be happy. Money doesn't buy happiness but I know exactly what I would do and how that would make me happy. It's not related to women or sex or whatever. - This scenario is impossible. Not only am I too ADD, depressed, anhedonic and far from neurotypical and live in a shithole country so I'll never be rich, also there's one other important detail to this scenario: a lot of money would only make me happy if I didn't have to work too hard for it. Wageslaving too hard for it defeats the whole purpose, I need money AND a lot of free time to enjoy it. So right off the bat, this is just not possible, unheard of, it's pure fantasy. So I can't be happy this way. As a sidenote, my happiness depends on the health of my parents/cat too, if they die I'm going to be devastated for years.
2. The first scenario is a fantasy scenario that will never happen. So the alternative is: nothing. That's it. I won't ever be happy, I looked at all the factors objectively (too lazy to type them out, there's too many), it just won't happen. Alternatively, death during my sleep would be great, I welcome it. I can't sui cause I don't want to upset my parents/cat, I'll never ever do it, but I really want to disappear, that would end this existence that I really want to end, I'm an atheist but I kinda lowkey ask god to kill me every day.
So, those are both fantasy scenarios, meaning I won't ever be happy, there's just no way, it won't ever happen. I'll end up getting a shit job in this shithole country, I'll wageslave for 8 hours every day + commute, I'll make ~$300 a month, I'll hate working and I'll keep being depressed, anhedonic, avoidant, ADD. I'll keep being stressed when going outside cause I fear anybody I ever knew seeing me, cause of my past incidents where I made a complete fool of myself. Meanwhile the years will pass, my parents will get older and sicker, my cat too, and I'll have to endure the passage of time, not being able to do anything about it.
Here's what would make me happy and why it won't happen:
1. I could be happy if I had a lot of money. I know myself and I know that if I had a lot of money I'd be happy. Money doesn't buy happiness but I know exactly what I would do and how that would make me happy. It's not related to women or sex or whatever. - This scenario is impossible. Not only am I too ADD, depressed, anhedonic and far from neurotypical and live in a shithole country so I'll never be rich, also there's one other important detail to this scenario: a lot of money would only make me happy if I didn't have to work too hard for it. Wageslaving too hard for it defeats the whole purpose, I need money AND a lot of free time to enjoy it. So right off the bat, this is just not possible, unheard of, it's pure fantasy. So I can't be happy this way. As a sidenote, my happiness depends on the health of my parents/cat too, if they die I'm going to be devastated for years.
2. The first scenario is a fantasy scenario that will never happen. So the alternative is: nothing. That's it. I won't ever be happy, I looked at all the factors objectively (too lazy to type them out, there's too many), it just won't happen. Alternatively, death during my sleep would be great, I welcome it. I can't sui cause I don't want to upset my parents/cat, I'll never ever do it, but I really want to disappear, that would end this existence that I really want to end, I'm an atheist but I kinda lowkey ask god to kill me every day.
So, those are both fantasy scenarios, meaning I won't ever be happy, there's just no way, it won't ever happen. I'll end up getting a shit job in this shithole country, I'll wageslave for 8 hours every day + commute, I'll make ~$300 a month, I'll hate working and I'll keep being depressed, anhedonic, avoidant, ADD. I'll keep being stressed when going outside cause I fear anybody I ever knew seeing me, cause of my past incidents where I made a complete fool of myself. Meanwhile the years will pass, my parents will get older and sicker, my cat too, and I'll have to endure the passage of time, not being able to do anything about it.
