Be honest. Me personally I honestly thought for the longest time that that I would eventually find a gf and make friends, I had one OK friend in middleschool we lived close and would often play video games together but then he moved away just before starting HS
I have literally 0 friends now, like legitimately 0, my phone only gets weather and bill notifications, Im a virgin at 23, gonna be 24 in a few months, I dont know how to talk to people, a person could be trying to talk to me and I just cant do it
Compare that to my siblings all of whom have very active social lives, go out regularly and do things (granted theyre girls tho)
I wasted my youth and theres no way to fix this without restarting, its like when you play a video game and you realize you fucked up your build during your first walkthrough so you just wipe the save and start over
I really thought Id make it, I really did and no matter how hopeless Ive been feeling throughout all these years and how wed joke aobut it I thought eventually Id make friends and find a gf, I used to giggle to myself thinking once that happened Id come here to make a bragpost and troll you guys until Im permad but its no longer funny
I hate it thought cause I really love my life except for having no gf, I like being myself, I dont like partying and getting fucked up and would rather find enjoyment in accomplishing things but I have no motivation to do anything anymore and I dont wanna be alone like this forever, I dont know how @Grotesque manages it
Im actually taking my first steps towards my suicidemax right now, I dread it but its the only route open to me, and while I dont think Ill kill myself for another year or two I hope that taking these steps will at least make everything feel more real and either push me to work harder towards changing my situation or Ill just let myself slip one day while riding a low and be done with it
Kind of a long rant but fuck it just need to get it out
I have literally 0 friends now, like legitimately 0, my phone only gets weather and bill notifications, Im a virgin at 23, gonna be 24 in a few months, I dont know how to talk to people, a person could be trying to talk to me and I just cant do it
Compare that to my siblings all of whom have very active social lives, go out regularly and do things (granted theyre girls tho)
I wasted my youth and theres no way to fix this without restarting, its like when you play a video game and you realize you fucked up your build during your first walkthrough so you just wipe the save and start over
I really thought Id make it, I really did and no matter how hopeless Ive been feeling throughout all these years and how wed joke aobut it I thought eventually Id make friends and find a gf, I used to giggle to myself thinking once that happened Id come here to make a bragpost and troll you guys until Im permad but its no longer funny
I hate it thought cause I really love my life except for having no gf, I like being myself, I dont like partying and getting fucked up and would rather find enjoyment in accomplishing things but I have no motivation to do anything anymore and I dont wanna be alone like this forever, I dont know how @Grotesque manages it
Im actually taking my first steps towards my suicidemax right now, I dread it but its the only route open to me, and while I dont think Ill kill myself for another year or two I hope that taking these steps will at least make everything feel more real and either push me to work harder towards changing my situation or Ill just let myself slip one day while riding a low and be done with it
Kind of a long rant but fuck it just need to get it out
