Yeah, I know with just about absolute certainty I will not reach an old age because of how bad it will get. I can feel my body degrading and my brain already feels like it's rotting slowly. I realistically give myself 10 more years, 15 max. I also have chronic physical health issues that shorten my lifespan, so that combined with my depression, severe OCD, and severe loneliness will probably finish me between age 40 and 45 even if I don't rope. Once my parents are gone, there is probably a 90% chance I would rope within 5 years because then I'd have nobody in my life and no reason to keep pushing forward. I've thought about ending it a few times, but I just can't hurt my parents like that, and I still have some good copes for now. I struggle to leave my room as well and I wake up brutally exhausted. I can't even sleep straight through and wake up between 1-3 times during each sleep. Plus, I'm a natural night owl and sleep between 4 A.M. and 12 P.M., so society as a whole works against my natural sleep schedule, so I just can't win. At least there are some nightshift jobs around here.