Dear non-incels:
Have you ever had a crush on someone who didn’t know you existed?
You know, the classic high-school type of crush where it feels so all consuming that when see them holding hands with someone else it feels like you’ve been cheated by the world. It feels like a punch in the gut, you cry in your car on the way home, you’re quiet at the dinner table and you end up taking out your misery on your parents, you lay awake in bed, and they didn’t even know your name.
But to you? You knew that you wanted them, you thought you had a chance, you heard them laugh one day, you saw them wearing a tee shirt with your favorite band, and you felt some sort of love. Life goes on though. You move on. You meet somebody else, and you realize how silly it was to be sobbing your eyes out over puppy love, because it wasn’t even real.
It felt real though.
didn’t it?
Us though? We’re stuck. I don’t get to move on. I am living an endless cycle of meaningless heartbreak, the kind that hurts even more because you know the other person isn’t hurting at all. Eventually, the rejection all becomes too much. We’re sick of crying in the car. We’re sick of taking it out on our parents. We’re sick of laying awake at night. So we give up. We’re too tired.
[UWSL]Have you ever heard others laughing at you? Not your group of friends laughing with you because you fell over, I mean really laughing at you. Seriously - think about it. Remember how it felt? As your brain tried to process what they could be laughing at, trying to figure out what you did wrong, trying to understand, trying to just act normal. [/UWSL]
[UWSL] [/UWSL]
You probably thought about it again after it happened, feeling like the punchline of a joke you never even understood in the first place. Maybe the next time you used the washroom you stood in front of the mirror, realizing for the first time that your nose is a little too big. Is that what they were laughing at? Or was it your weight? Your teeth? Suddenly there are insecurities you didn’t even know you had - and they will never, ever, go away. Once the little voice in your head starts to speak it’s there for life, and it’ll get louder, and it’ll laugh harder. So you get braces, you run on the treadmill, ANYTHING to shut it up. Maybe it works.
[UWSL]Us though? [/UWSL]
Our mean little voices become our closest friends. Because at least they are honest. At least they can give us a reason behind the laughter we’ve heard while walking in a crowd. At least they don’t tell us like there’s nothing wrong, and no ones laughing, and we’re just paranoid, or need to work harder. We are ugly, or fat, or disabled, and we know that because we’ve heard it more from ourselves than anybody else. These are problems that can’t be fixed, we have no control, and eventually we will surrender and choose to accept things as they are.
Acceptance is better than agony.
Isn’t it?
[UWSL]Have you ever been afraid? Have you ever felt so much hatred building inside of you, leading you to act in ways you usually wouldn’t? Have you ever lost the person you once were? Have you ever had a panic attack first thing in the morning, just to face another day of being yourself? Have you ever needed to drink yourself to sleep? Have you ever started ruining your relationships out of fear that yet another person is going to hurt you? Have you ever spent day after day in a deep depression, until one by one the things you once loved fade to nothing? Have you ever looked back at your life wondering where you went wrong? [/UWSL]
Have you ever been completely and utterly alone?
We have. We’ve gotten used to it now. We aren’t the same as we used to be. We find solace knowing that somewhere out there there’s someone else, suffering just as much, or maybe someone who will just say hi once in awhile. Most of us didn’t start out as the villains you turned us into, and we’re just like you. We want to be loved and accepted. Only we’re hopeless and hurting. Day after day of rejection and feeling like a joke will take its toll on people, and this site is the perfect example of that. So please, if anything, be thankful for what you have that we will never come close to. Participate in the society that has shut us out, and if you ever have the chance to - make a difference for others who are on the verge of never coming back. I lost myself and maybe if I had even one kind encounter once in awhile I wouldn’t be so disconnected and numb. But it’s hard to feel connected to a world that has never felt connected to me. It’s hard to be patient, and hope for something better, when all that’s ever happened to me has let me down. It’s hard to love anything, let alone anyone. Hatred feels so much better anyways. And what used to bother me doesn’t anymore - so I scroll through hateful posts, and I hate along with them. I see that people like me have snapped. And I’m not surprised. I’m so close to snapping
[UWSL]Have you ever felt nothing at all?[/UWSL]
Have you ever had a crush on someone who didn’t know you existed?
You know, the classic high-school type of crush where it feels so all consuming that when see them holding hands with someone else it feels like you’ve been cheated by the world. It feels like a punch in the gut, you cry in your car on the way home, you’re quiet at the dinner table and you end up taking out your misery on your parents, you lay awake in bed, and they didn’t even know your name.
But to you? You knew that you wanted them, you thought you had a chance, you heard them laugh one day, you saw them wearing a tee shirt with your favorite band, and you felt some sort of love. Life goes on though. You move on. You meet somebody else, and you realize how silly it was to be sobbing your eyes out over puppy love, because it wasn’t even real.
It felt real though.
didn’t it?
Us though? We’re stuck. I don’t get to move on. I am living an endless cycle of meaningless heartbreak, the kind that hurts even more because you know the other person isn’t hurting at all. Eventually, the rejection all becomes too much. We’re sick of crying in the car. We’re sick of taking it out on our parents. We’re sick of laying awake at night. So we give up. We’re too tired.
[UWSL]Have you ever heard others laughing at you? Not your group of friends laughing with you because you fell over, I mean really laughing at you. Seriously - think about it. Remember how it felt? As your brain tried to process what they could be laughing at, trying to figure out what you did wrong, trying to understand, trying to just act normal. [/UWSL]
[UWSL] [/UWSL]
You probably thought about it again after it happened, feeling like the punchline of a joke you never even understood in the first place. Maybe the next time you used the washroom you stood in front of the mirror, realizing for the first time that your nose is a little too big. Is that what they were laughing at? Or was it your weight? Your teeth? Suddenly there are insecurities you didn’t even know you had - and they will never, ever, go away. Once the little voice in your head starts to speak it’s there for life, and it’ll get louder, and it’ll laugh harder. So you get braces, you run on the treadmill, ANYTHING to shut it up. Maybe it works.
[UWSL]Us though? [/UWSL]
Our mean little voices become our closest friends. Because at least they are honest. At least they can give us a reason behind the laughter we’ve heard while walking in a crowd. At least they don’t tell us like there’s nothing wrong, and no ones laughing, and we’re just paranoid, or need to work harder. We are ugly, or fat, or disabled, and we know that because we’ve heard it more from ourselves than anybody else. These are problems that can’t be fixed, we have no control, and eventually we will surrender and choose to accept things as they are.
Acceptance is better than agony.
Isn’t it?
[UWSL]Have you ever been afraid? Have you ever felt so much hatred building inside of you, leading you to act in ways you usually wouldn’t? Have you ever lost the person you once were? Have you ever had a panic attack first thing in the morning, just to face another day of being yourself? Have you ever needed to drink yourself to sleep? Have you ever started ruining your relationships out of fear that yet another person is going to hurt you? Have you ever spent day after day in a deep depression, until one by one the things you once loved fade to nothing? Have you ever looked back at your life wondering where you went wrong? [/UWSL]
Have you ever been completely and utterly alone?
We have. We’ve gotten used to it now. We aren’t the same as we used to be. We find solace knowing that somewhere out there there’s someone else, suffering just as much, or maybe someone who will just say hi once in awhile. Most of us didn’t start out as the villains you turned us into, and we’re just like you. We want to be loved and accepted. Only we’re hopeless and hurting. Day after day of rejection and feeling like a joke will take its toll on people, and this site is the perfect example of that. So please, if anything, be thankful for what you have that we will never come close to. Participate in the society that has shut us out, and if you ever have the chance to - make a difference for others who are on the verge of never coming back. I lost myself and maybe if I had even one kind encounter once in awhile I wouldn’t be so disconnected and numb. But it’s hard to feel connected to a world that has never felt connected to me. It’s hard to be patient, and hope for something better, when all that’s ever happened to me has let me down. It’s hard to love anything, let alone anyone. Hatred feels so much better anyways. And what used to bother me doesn’t anymore - so I scroll through hateful posts, and I hate along with them. I see that people like me have snapped. And I’m not surprised. I’m so close to snapping
[UWSL]Have you ever felt nothing at all?[/UWSL]
