I've been getting into fixing stuff at home. I feel better thinking I've built a solution to an easy-to-fix problem. I also get into growing as much of my own food as possible. Maybe these things make me feel more in control of my life. And I listen to audiobooks when I'm not working (driving...) to help me forget my own life. I also second what others have said--I play white noise when I'm home CONSTANTLY, even while I sleep. This drowns out my obnoxiously loud neighbors. I'd prefer dead silence, but I'm not rich enough to afford "quiet enjoyment" of my home.
From time to time, I spend hours a day here reading... But nothing really puts enough of a lid on the boiling loneliness tbh. I hate saying this, but now I'm just hoping to die soon. I can't handle the thought of this continuing for decades. Worse, I feel no motivation to do anything because this just entails EFFORT for the best case scenario of worsening painful aloneness. So I fantasize a lot about dying.
One more thing--lately I've been reading about meditation. Not because I think it will solve my problems, but because I think this could be a decent way to detach from my own survival instinct. Always open to new ideas...
