G
Hello everyone. Its a pleasure meeting you all and allow me to introduce myself...
First let's start from the beginning...
I was born 30 something years ago to narcissistic abusive parents. While they somewhat took care of my physical needs inasmuch as feeding, clothing, and sheltering me, that's as far as it goes.
Everyday as far back as I remember, all my experience with Mom and Dad was nothing but torment. Both were verbally and physically abusive towards each other and towards me. Really, I found myself getting jealous of others who had workaholic parents who are frequently not home because at least they don't get to experience the verbal and physical abuse.
And as a result of my abusive parents, my self esteem suffered greatly. I grew up believing I'm worthless and would amount to nothing. I was the extremely quiet kid in school who was very socially awkward. Didn't have any friends and only got bullied often. Physically and verbally.
Found myself in many physical fights as I had to constantly defend myself from bullies. I know what it's like being tripped in the hallway and randomly shoved and/or punched and laughed at. Get spat on, stuff thrown at me, etc.
First ten fights were losses as I'm just naturally weak. Relying on pure brute strength always got me the losing end. I only later been able to stalemate or win fights because my fighting skills improved and because I got more and more aggression built up. I only remember two times I had strength advantage.
Fast forward to my late teens or so... Nobody wanted to physically bully me anymore because people eventually learned that even though I look weak, they would always come out wounded... Even if they win the fight.
So physical bullying scaled back... And I was just ignored and socially isolated. Often found myself alone and it was more psychological this time around. I know what it's like to go eat in the bathroom out of sheer embarrassment of being the loner because everyone was hanging out with a group.
And as a result of both cards handed to me, social skills are severely impaired. I often find myself drawing blanks and feeling awkward in a social conversation. Miscommunication often happens. I use words and say things in different ways that normies have sometimes a hard time understanding me.
Now I'm in my 30s... Only jobs I've lasted in are jobs where social interaction is little to non existent. I've been a 2nd shift office worker, a delivery driver, and now I work in an industrial area with lots of sheet metal. Only social contact I get is with the supervisor or manager telling me what needs to be done and that's it.
I avoid talking to people at work whenever possible because I know by now it's a waste of time and they won't be able to understand and relate to me. Besides, I might end up getting fired if drama gets out of hand. I tend to create enemies. As I can't really do small talk all the time. It would inevitably go into religion, politics, and social issues which are always potential conflict points.
Those are subjects I got interested in as I tried my best to get to the bottom of it all. I was looking for answers as to why I had to be dealt such a life like that. In between bouts of despair, rage, and a couple suicide attempts... Of trying to get run over by a cab and trying to hang myself with a belt... Lots of my sweat, blood, and tears have been shed on my way to find the truth.
In this day and age, the leftist ideologies are what is rampant in society and all have brought nothing but despair and hopelessness. I understand that men have been displaced in this day and age by feminism and most men either become PUA, MGTOW, or INCEL.
So the moment I spout my beliefs which falls into the conservative spiritual Christian side of the spectrum, I guarantee I'd create enemies. Even here I would. As I've noticed the rage from the atheist people here who are honestly convinced there's no hope and therefore think I'm stupid and it's all "cope".
Fine. It's cope yes for argument sake. But it sure is way better than video games, porn, anime, being absorbed into sports and other hobbies, etc. Yes I tried that route. I played StarCraft, counter-strike, red alert, league of legends... Etc... Watched Naruto, bleach, yuyu Hakusho, evangelion, welcome to nhk, etc... I've joined an mma gym for about 6 months... Been there done that.
All it did was provide a bandaid solution to the deeper wound. When the "high" is over, the reality kicks in. This dark hopeless reality that you so elaborately and eloquently explained in multiple threads detailing the undeniable fact that looks and height matter and this world is so superficial.
It is the realization that while there may not be any hope for me in this life, there's always the next one to look forward to. The mere belief in my head that there's a God and He died on that cross for you all because He loves you is enough to keep my relative sanity and hold back all the rage.
Cuz really and truly if I were to be godless, I'd be honestly a mass shooter. Cuz what is there to live for? My family is bad. Narcissistic parents... Brothers in their own world with their own jobs and don't really care... Not really attractive. I signed up on match.com and sent out messages constantly. 6 month membership and God knows how many messages I sent and still nothing cuz I'm short and ugly. No hope at all in this life.
I remember going to sleep full of rage and getting dreams of me burning down the entire school. I'd fantasize of picking up a gun and shooting everyone who made my life hell.
So all the normies reading this should honestly consider thanking Jesus for healing me. For succeeding where secular conventional therapy has failed. Instead of suppressing Christian ideologies, at least tolerate them! At least let the street preacher speak and don't call the cops on him over trumped up harrasment charges when he's just exercising his first amendment!
Christianity is the cornerstone of Western Civilization and has kept us from total destruction!
Anyway as of now, I am not anymore trying hard to fit in. Why bend over backwards and get on my knees in order to be accepted in this degenerate society? Been there done that. You don't want me, fine! Ive wasted enough of
I don't envy "Chad"... Or "Stacy". In fact I feel sorry for their spiritual condition. If the flesh prospers, the spirit dies. Satan can come to me right now and offer to make me a Chad in exchange for my soul and I'd tell him to get lost that's such a rip-off!
I've accepted what I am today. And I have little to no bitterness of the past thanks to Jesus. It is what it is. No point being bitter about it. No point of trying hard to succeed and fit in a society that is hopeless and on its way to hell. Society can take what it owns. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's!
I am here to try my best to help others who are experiencing the pain I once had. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk.
For now, I will try to be that light that extinguishes the darkness.
God bless
First let's start from the beginning...
I was born 30 something years ago to narcissistic abusive parents. While they somewhat took care of my physical needs inasmuch as feeding, clothing, and sheltering me, that's as far as it goes.
Everyday as far back as I remember, all my experience with Mom and Dad was nothing but torment. Both were verbally and physically abusive towards each other and towards me. Really, I found myself getting jealous of others who had workaholic parents who are frequently not home because at least they don't get to experience the verbal and physical abuse.
And as a result of my abusive parents, my self esteem suffered greatly. I grew up believing I'm worthless and would amount to nothing. I was the extremely quiet kid in school who was very socially awkward. Didn't have any friends and only got bullied often. Physically and verbally.
Found myself in many physical fights as I had to constantly defend myself from bullies. I know what it's like being tripped in the hallway and randomly shoved and/or punched and laughed at. Get spat on, stuff thrown at me, etc.
First ten fights were losses as I'm just naturally weak. Relying on pure brute strength always got me the losing end. I only later been able to stalemate or win fights because my fighting skills improved and because I got more and more aggression built up. I only remember two times I had strength advantage.
Fast forward to my late teens or so... Nobody wanted to physically bully me anymore because people eventually learned that even though I look weak, they would always come out wounded... Even if they win the fight.
So physical bullying scaled back... And I was just ignored and socially isolated. Often found myself alone and it was more psychological this time around. I know what it's like to go eat in the bathroom out of sheer embarrassment of being the loner because everyone was hanging out with a group.
And as a result of both cards handed to me, social skills are severely impaired. I often find myself drawing blanks and feeling awkward in a social conversation. Miscommunication often happens. I use words and say things in different ways that normies have sometimes a hard time understanding me.
Now I'm in my 30s... Only jobs I've lasted in are jobs where social interaction is little to non existent. I've been a 2nd shift office worker, a delivery driver, and now I work in an industrial area with lots of sheet metal. Only social contact I get is with the supervisor or manager telling me what needs to be done and that's it.
I avoid talking to people at work whenever possible because I know by now it's a waste of time and they won't be able to understand and relate to me. Besides, I might end up getting fired if drama gets out of hand. I tend to create enemies. As I can't really do small talk all the time. It would inevitably go into religion, politics, and social issues which are always potential conflict points.
Those are subjects I got interested in as I tried my best to get to the bottom of it all. I was looking for answers as to why I had to be dealt such a life like that. In between bouts of despair, rage, and a couple suicide attempts... Of trying to get run over by a cab and trying to hang myself with a belt... Lots of my sweat, blood, and tears have been shed on my way to find the truth.
In this day and age, the leftist ideologies are what is rampant in society and all have brought nothing but despair and hopelessness. I understand that men have been displaced in this day and age by feminism and most men either become PUA, MGTOW, or INCEL.
So the moment I spout my beliefs which falls into the conservative spiritual Christian side of the spectrum, I guarantee I'd create enemies. Even here I would. As I've noticed the rage from the atheist people here who are honestly convinced there's no hope and therefore think I'm stupid and it's all "cope".
Fine. It's cope yes for argument sake. But it sure is way better than video games, porn, anime, being absorbed into sports and other hobbies, etc. Yes I tried that route. I played StarCraft, counter-strike, red alert, league of legends... Etc... Watched Naruto, bleach, yuyu Hakusho, evangelion, welcome to nhk, etc... I've joined an mma gym for about 6 months... Been there done that.
All it did was provide a bandaid solution to the deeper wound. When the "high" is over, the reality kicks in. This dark hopeless reality that you so elaborately and eloquently explained in multiple threads detailing the undeniable fact that looks and height matter and this world is so superficial.
It is the realization that while there may not be any hope for me in this life, there's always the next one to look forward to. The mere belief in my head that there's a God and He died on that cross for you all because He loves you is enough to keep my relative sanity and hold back all the rage.
Cuz really and truly if I were to be godless, I'd be honestly a mass shooter. Cuz what is there to live for? My family is bad. Narcissistic parents... Brothers in their own world with their own jobs and don't really care... Not really attractive. I signed up on match.com and sent out messages constantly. 6 month membership and God knows how many messages I sent and still nothing cuz I'm short and ugly. No hope at all in this life.
I remember going to sleep full of rage and getting dreams of me burning down the entire school. I'd fantasize of picking up a gun and shooting everyone who made my life hell.
So all the normies reading this should honestly consider thanking Jesus for healing me. For succeeding where secular conventional therapy has failed. Instead of suppressing Christian ideologies, at least tolerate them! At least let the street preacher speak and don't call the cops on him over trumped up harrasment charges when he's just exercising his first amendment!
Christianity is the cornerstone of Western Civilization and has kept us from total destruction!
Anyway as of now, I am not anymore trying hard to fit in. Why bend over backwards and get on my knees in order to be accepted in this degenerate society? Been there done that. You don't want me, fine! Ive wasted enough of
I don't envy "Chad"... Or "Stacy". In fact I feel sorry for their spiritual condition. If the flesh prospers, the spirit dies. Satan can come to me right now and offer to make me a Chad in exchange for my soul and I'd tell him to get lost that's such a rip-off!
I've accepted what I am today. And I have little to no bitterness of the past thanks to Jesus. It is what it is. No point being bitter about it. No point of trying hard to succeed and fit in a society that is hopeless and on its way to hell. Society can take what it owns. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's!
I am here to try my best to help others who are experiencing the pain I once had. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk.
For now, I will try to be that light that extinguishes the darkness.
God bless
