...Or How I Learned to Love the BlackPill
Hello everyone. In this post I'm going to outline a couple of stories of Stacies in my life where not being blackpilled enough led to me chasing unicorns and as a result becoming a beta orbiter cuck. These aren't even all of the incidents, just some of the most egregious ones, selected to represent a timeline. My hope is that by relating these experiences to you all, some of you may see a bit of yourself and your history, perhaps even your current situation with that oneitis bae, within the stories and you become more blackpilled.
The reason why I think this is necessary is because after each of these experiences, I thought to myself, "That's it, I'm done." But women are wily, and you are never done until you stop entirely. The unicorn shows you a glimmer of hope, makes itself look like an attainable horse that will take you for a ride, but the more you chase after it, the farther it gets away from you, the more it reveals its true nature. Call me cuck or fakecel or whatever, I don't care.
This is black pill because it's unadulterated reality. If you think I'm a fakecel for all of this, and this happens to me, then what chance would a real incel have of catching the unicorn?
This post was inspired by @Anon 's thread; click >here< to open it and hear his experience, which was much like the ones I'm going to share below.
Here are some quotes from that thread that can serve as an introduction into the subject:
This is black pill because it's unadulterated reality. If you think I'm a fakecel for all of this, and this happens to me, then what chance would a real incel have of catching the unicorn?
This post was inspired by @Anon 's thread; click >here< to open it and hear his experience, which was much like the ones I'm going to share below.
Here are some quotes from that thread that can serve as an introduction into the subject:
Harvey_Weinstein_Hero said:
VLÖ said:
blickpall said:
*Edited the typo.
This is the Stacy version of pump and dump. She sews the seeds of interest, reaps the harvest of validation, and then leaves to find the next orbiter.
The Orbiter Chronicles
#1 - Ages 15-24
The Orbiter Chronicles
#1 - Ages 15-24
I have no dignity so I don't care how embarrassing this is, but when I was 14-15 I began frequenting an anime/game forum (think like Neopets but weebier) and I got hooked on one super active thread (20+ posts per minute at peak times) in particular. This thread was a primitive version of "rate me" threads. Obviously I never shared my picture, I only trolled really hard. There was a whole group of trolls there and we became infamous in that thread and for whatever dumb reason, we were all respected, like veterans. About a year or two into this compulsive use of this thread, Stacia joined. I complimented her, she added me on MSN. She was from a different country not far from the USA, and was half-American. I became an orbiter very quickly; she would webcam with me, and I wouldn't have to cam back, sometimes only using voice. I would give her compliments, we would joke around, etc. Typical beta orbiter shit.
A few years down the line she mentions that she is coming to NYC for some school trip as a chaperone and says she wants to meet up. On the day, the naive 17-year-old that was I, traveled to NYC on my lonesome to meet with this girl who I thought was very attractive and who I wanted to marry, for realsies. We spent so much time together online! We had so much in common! On the train ride there, I send her messages, call her. Nothing.
I get off at the station and I don't know what to do with myself. I go eat a hot dog. Loneliest most soul-crushing meal of my life, sitting on the steps of Penn Station, eating a fucking street hot dog instead of meeting up with the girl I've been crushing on over the internet for years. I decide, "fuck it, might as well walk around and do shit," as this is my first time in NYC alone. Start walking to the Empire State Building. Guess who I see with a bunch of young teenage brats about a block away from the landmark?
I shit you not, I fucking found her randomly in NYC. She was with the group and was shocked to see me (despite me not really sharing my pictures on the forum or using webcam, I did show her what I looked like a few times). I hug her and she doesn't hug back. We get a few words out and some adult from her group starts shouting at her in Spanish. She says she has to go, and leaves with the group, just like that. We met for about 1 minute. I go back home on the saddest train ride of my life, realizing that I had been chasing a fucking unicorn. I am royally pissed at her and I pretty much cut contact. Lesson learned, right? WRONG.
Fast forward another year or so. I am planning to run away from home because my life is shit. Don't want to go into too much detail but basically going to ghost my whole family in senior year of HS. Start talking to Stacia again. Now she is singing the tune of "hey, come live with me!" She is rich as fuck by her local standards; mansion, maid, pet monkey (lol), etc. Tells me her uncle is a lawyer and will get me a visa and all that. I just need to raise money. Ok.
Spent a year living on my own in poverty, working grueling manual labor, become addicted to pain killers. Stacia keeps telling me this and that is getting in the way of me getting a visa. Doesn't really matter because I'm still broke as shit because I use pain killers as fuel. Wait, why doesn't she just send me money since she's rich? Lol right, like that will ever happen. Excuse after excuse. Whatever. I decide that I can't go on living like this and I make peace with my family and enroll in college. Stacia ghosts me after that.
Fast forward another year, Stacia is back in NYC. Wants to meet up. I agree. I come and pick her up in NYC and instead of agreeing to go somewhere, or trying to make peace, I drive in circles around Manhattan/Brooklyn while she tears me a new one about how I killed all the plans of me moving to her shitty home country. As if that was ever going to happen, just fucking lol. She was probably just pissed that I stopped orbiting her and got my own life in order. She also became addicted to drugs and was probably just venting her depression/anger at me because her own life was shitting up. Fuck her. Drop her off at her place.
Guess what? My dumb blue-pilled conscience starts flaring up a few years later (Age 23), and I fucking reach out to her again, tryna chase that same unicorn that pretty much shitted on me last time I saw her. She's going to uni in NYC now, and turns out that recently Chaduardo and her broke up so she agrees to meet with me for that sweet validation. We go to a bar and talk. I apologize over and over for being a shitlord, because I am now getting older and desperate for affection, and I turned to the one girl that gave me minor doses of e-validation over the years. I invite her to a party that is run by a group that me and my friend help set up for soon after. Find out she had been lying to me about countless things such as her age, her "chaperoning" and her "phone" the first time we met, etc. I get angry, but what right do I have to be angry about that? So, she has 0 interest in me at this point because I am no longer orbiting her (as if she ever had any besides in keeping me in orbit) and disappears. As my friends and I were going to get on the boat for the after-party, she just leaves. Last I ever see of her, the girl I had been orbiting on and off for 8 years. Countless hours, hundreds of dollars in transportation, all wasted chasing validation, chasing a dream, chasing a unicorn.
A few years down the line she mentions that she is coming to NYC for some school trip as a chaperone and says she wants to meet up. On the day, the naive 17-year-old that was I, traveled to NYC on my lonesome to meet with this girl who I thought was very attractive and who I wanted to marry, for realsies. We spent so much time together online! We had so much in common! On the train ride there, I send her messages, call her. Nothing.
I get off at the station and I don't know what to do with myself. I go eat a hot dog. Loneliest most soul-crushing meal of my life, sitting on the steps of Penn Station, eating a fucking street hot dog instead of meeting up with the girl I've been crushing on over the internet for years. I decide, "fuck it, might as well walk around and do shit," as this is my first time in NYC alone. Start walking to the Empire State Building. Guess who I see with a bunch of young teenage brats about a block away from the landmark?
I shit you not, I fucking found her randomly in NYC. She was with the group and was shocked to see me (despite me not really sharing my pictures on the forum or using webcam, I did show her what I looked like a few times). I hug her and she doesn't hug back. We get a few words out and some adult from her group starts shouting at her in Spanish. She says she has to go, and leaves with the group, just like that. We met for about 1 minute. I go back home on the saddest train ride of my life, realizing that I had been chasing a fucking unicorn. I am royally pissed at her and I pretty much cut contact. Lesson learned, right? WRONG.
Fast forward another year or so. I am planning to run away from home because my life is shit. Don't want to go into too much detail but basically going to ghost my whole family in senior year of HS. Start talking to Stacia again. Now she is singing the tune of "hey, come live with me!" She is rich as fuck by her local standards; mansion, maid, pet monkey (lol), etc. Tells me her uncle is a lawyer and will get me a visa and all that. I just need to raise money. Ok.
Spent a year living on my own in poverty, working grueling manual labor, become addicted to pain killers. Stacia keeps telling me this and that is getting in the way of me getting a visa. Doesn't really matter because I'm still broke as shit because I use pain killers as fuel. Wait, why doesn't she just send me money since she's rich? Lol right, like that will ever happen. Excuse after excuse. Whatever. I decide that I can't go on living like this and I make peace with my family and enroll in college. Stacia ghosts me after that.
Fast forward another year, Stacia is back in NYC. Wants to meet up. I agree. I come and pick her up in NYC and instead of agreeing to go somewhere, or trying to make peace, I drive in circles around Manhattan/Brooklyn while she tears me a new one about how I killed all the plans of me moving to her shitty home country. As if that was ever going to happen, just fucking lol. She was probably just pissed that I stopped orbiting her and got my own life in order. She also became addicted to drugs and was probably just venting her depression/anger at me because her own life was shitting up. Fuck her. Drop her off at her place.
Guess what? My dumb blue-pilled conscience starts flaring up a few years later (Age 23), and I fucking reach out to her again, tryna chase that same unicorn that pretty much shitted on me last time I saw her. She's going to uni in NYC now, and turns out that recently Chaduardo and her broke up so she agrees to meet with me for that sweet validation. We go to a bar and talk. I apologize over and over for being a shitlord, because I am now getting older and desperate for affection, and I turned to the one girl that gave me minor doses of e-validation over the years. I invite her to a party that is run by a group that me and my friend help set up for soon after. Find out she had been lying to me about countless things such as her age, her "chaperoning" and her "phone" the first time we met, etc. I get angry, but what right do I have to be angry about that? So, she has 0 interest in me at this point because I am no longer orbiting her (as if she ever had any besides in keeping me in orbit) and disappears. As my friends and I were going to get on the boat for the after-party, she just leaves. Last I ever see of her, the girl I had been orbiting on and off for 8 years. Countless hours, hundreds of dollars in transportation, all wasted chasing validation, chasing a dream, chasing a unicorn.
#2 - Ages 17-23
Sutasi was a cheerleader in my high school. When we had English together in sophomore year, I was obviously invisible to her. She was dating some degenerate abusive drug addict who wasn't even Chad but what the fuck do I know anyway. Fuck I'm getting mad just writing this, maybe I should use the venting tag. Fuck, anyway.
Two years later in the beginning of senior year, dipshit boyfriend and Sutasi break up and she wants to smoke weed. I smoke weed with my friend, an super introverted incel like me. We are gym bros and weed bros. She knows him, and uses him to get me as a connect. We start smoking as a group of 3. The cheerleader and the two incels, just fucking lol. Naturally, I start to orbit heavy.
Less than a month into our group smoke sessions, she starts dropping me hints that she doesn't want to hang out with my incelbro and that I shouldn't either. Finally gets to the point where she outs him as being gay and that that is the only reason why he is smoking with me, according to her. Tells me about how when it's just incelbro and her, he talks about wanting my dick in his mouth and how he checks me out when we're changing at the gym. Paranoid about being naked in front of a dude who might be trying to be gay with me, even more paranoid about getting drunk as fuck and high as hell around him, and me being gullible and desperate to believe Sutasi, my sun that I orbit, I believe her and ghost incelbro. Never did find out if it was true or not, but now it's just me and Sutasi, hanging out and smoking almost every day. Score, right?
Wrong. All day, she talks about her abusive ex-boyfriend, her abusive father, and everything else. The conversations are so one-sided that I would say it's about 70% her complaining, me responding for 2%, and then her complaining that my advice won't help or that I don't know what I'm talking about for the remaining 28%. And I sit through this the whole time because I am with cheerleader Sutasi, and I am a lonely pathetic orbiter who takes her presence as validation. We argue sometimes and she acts pissed off and stops talking to me, just to start talking to me less than a week later because she needs her orbiter to give her validation and be her audio diary. She needs an audience for her bullshit.
Prom is coming up and my "friendship" with her is pretty much the only thing that is keeping me tethered to my life. Everything else in my life is shit and I want to run away (mentioned above; also, just lol @ "everything else in my life is shit" when she was the most shitty thing in it). Every time I begin to think that I want to ask her to prom and to be with her, she goes on some sort of narcissistic tirade that I refuse to cosign on and she "friend-dumps" me for another week. Sick of the rollercoaster, I run away from home.
MFW she calls me a week later, in tears, saying that she thought I cared about her and that I would tell her how I felt about my life and how could I just leave her when she is suffering so much. The killer moment was when she said "I wanted to go to prom with you." These bitches will tell you anything to get you back into their orbit. Where the fuck was any indication that you wanted me for anything more than a fucking tape recorder? Where was this desire when you were spitting in my face and yelling as you kicked me out of your car for disagreeing with you? Fucking lol.
Fast forward a couple years, and if you've learned anything from #1, I don't fucking learn. I'm just orbiter incarnate. She is back from going to school elsewhere in the country and I'm of course still in the same shithole area after I came back from running away and after dropping out of college. Sutasi needs weed, big fucking surprise. She comes over to my house and buys. Wants to hang out every day again, because all of her friends are out elsewhere in the world and she didn't get a job after college. Guess what happens? Same fucking thing that happened in high school. One-sided conversations, temper tantrums, indignation. This goes on for weeks until I've finally had enough and told her to pick up from one of my housemates.
Here's where shit gets comical. She makes every single one of my housemates her orbiters, one by one. Including the fucking former frat bros. That is the power of Stacidom. One of my incel friends asks me for her number, despite me telling him about everything she is and has done. Just fucking LOL. I give him the number and tell him god speed. Just.... fucking lol.
Of course when she finds a job, she disappears and doesn't say a single word to me ever again, because I refused to be an orbiter. Did I learn anything? Fucking nope, this was just an interim orbital period between me orbiting Stacia. You seeing this pattern? Stacies need orbiters, and will stop at nothing to keep you orbiting until you blatantly go savage on them. However, they are always willing to take you back in their orbit if you come grovelling on your knees for more of that sweet pseudo-validation.[/align]
Two years later in the beginning of senior year, dipshit boyfriend and Sutasi break up and she wants to smoke weed. I smoke weed with my friend, an super introverted incel like me. We are gym bros and weed bros. She knows him, and uses him to get me as a connect. We start smoking as a group of 3. The cheerleader and the two incels, just fucking lol. Naturally, I start to orbit heavy.
Less than a month into our group smoke sessions, she starts dropping me hints that she doesn't want to hang out with my incelbro and that I shouldn't either. Finally gets to the point where she outs him as being gay and that that is the only reason why he is smoking with me, according to her. Tells me about how when it's just incelbro and her, he talks about wanting my dick in his mouth and how he checks me out when we're changing at the gym. Paranoid about being naked in front of a dude who might be trying to be gay with me, even more paranoid about getting drunk as fuck and high as hell around him, and me being gullible and desperate to believe Sutasi, my sun that I orbit, I believe her and ghost incelbro. Never did find out if it was true or not, but now it's just me and Sutasi, hanging out and smoking almost every day. Score, right?
Wrong. All day, she talks about her abusive ex-boyfriend, her abusive father, and everything else. The conversations are so one-sided that I would say it's about 70% her complaining, me responding for 2%, and then her complaining that my advice won't help or that I don't know what I'm talking about for the remaining 28%. And I sit through this the whole time because I am with cheerleader Sutasi, and I am a lonely pathetic orbiter who takes her presence as validation. We argue sometimes and she acts pissed off and stops talking to me, just to start talking to me less than a week later because she needs her orbiter to give her validation and be her audio diary. She needs an audience for her bullshit.
Prom is coming up and my "friendship" with her is pretty much the only thing that is keeping me tethered to my life. Everything else in my life is shit and I want to run away (mentioned above; also, just lol @ "everything else in my life is shit" when she was the most shitty thing in it). Every time I begin to think that I want to ask her to prom and to be with her, she goes on some sort of narcissistic tirade that I refuse to cosign on and she "friend-dumps" me for another week. Sick of the rollercoaster, I run away from home.
MFW she calls me a week later, in tears, saying that she thought I cared about her and that I would tell her how I felt about my life and how could I just leave her when she is suffering so much. The killer moment was when she said "I wanted to go to prom with you." These bitches will tell you anything to get you back into their orbit. Where the fuck was any indication that you wanted me for anything more than a fucking tape recorder? Where was this desire when you were spitting in my face and yelling as you kicked me out of your car for disagreeing with you? Fucking lol.
Fast forward a couple years, and if you've learned anything from #1, I don't fucking learn. I'm just orbiter incarnate. She is back from going to school elsewhere in the country and I'm of course still in the same shithole area after I came back from running away and after dropping out of college. Sutasi needs weed, big fucking surprise. She comes over to my house and buys. Wants to hang out every day again, because all of her friends are out elsewhere in the world and she didn't get a job after college. Guess what happens? Same fucking thing that happened in high school. One-sided conversations, temper tantrums, indignation. This goes on for weeks until I've finally had enough and told her to pick up from one of my housemates.
Here's where shit gets comical. She makes every single one of my housemates her orbiters, one by one. Including the fucking former frat bros. That is the power of Stacidom. One of my incel friends asks me for her number, despite me telling him about everything she is and has done. Just fucking LOL. I give him the number and tell him god speed. Just.... fucking lol.
Of course when she finds a job, she disappears and doesn't say a single word to me ever again, because I refused to be an orbiter. Did I learn anything? Fucking nope, this was just an interim orbital period between me orbiting Stacia. You seeing this pattern? Stacies need orbiters, and will stop at nothing to keep you orbiting until you blatantly go savage on them. However, they are always willing to take you back in their orbit if you come grovelling on your knees for more of that sweet pseudo-validation.[/align]
#3 - Age 22
I meet Shutashi-lite through a mutual friend I met through a gaming website (just fucking lol at my life). I was invited to attend Shutashi's Halloween party that was to start at 6 PM in NYC. I arrive at 6:15 like a fucking moron and obviously I'm the first on there for a long-ass time. In that time me and Shutashi got to know each other, because otherwise what the fuck else are we going to do when it's our first time fucking meeting? I had to swallow my high inhib but it was difficult because my loneliness was funneling all my blood to my dick and away from my brain.
Anyway, Shutashi is a successful business woman type, makes mad money, lives the posh life. I'm still a broke dude living in a trap house, dressed as a fucking hobo for Halloween. However, I also work at a tutoring company, and one of my specialties is in a test that she has to take to change careers. I normally make $55/hour for tutoring this test, and that's much less than what the actual package costs if you go through the company. I think you might see where this is going. Initiate orbit beta cuck mode.
I begin driving to NYC 2-4 times a week, which costs well over $30 a trip in gas and tolls and an hour each direction, just to teach Shutashi how to get through this test so she can get a different high-paying job. This continues for over a month, and this whole time I am making it quite obvious (in my book) that I have interest in her. Eventually I had to make it blatantly obvious by inviting her to my company's Christmas dinner event, which is on a night-long cruise around the city (this is becoming a trope in my life). She agrees and I can't be more overjoyed.
I drive to pick her up and it takes us forever to reach the dock through the New York traffic and snow. We hop on the boat at the last second. Basically night goes as you would expect = she shows no interest in me whatsoever. I get drunk as fuck and drive her home.
Soon after, I sell my car to pay for some living expenses I accrued, so I can't travel to the city multiple times a week anymore because I'm now constrained by public transportation schedules. Communication pretty much stops as soon as I am no longer useful to Shutashi. I can no longer orbit her, provide her with free lessons, provide her with validation, so she no longer needs me.
Soon after, she finds a Chad lawyer and now they are married. She never changed careers, either. Just fuck. Guess I can't judge because I didn't change from being an orbiter after this experience.[/align]
Anyway, Shutashi is a successful business woman type, makes mad money, lives the posh life. I'm still a broke dude living in a trap house, dressed as a fucking hobo for Halloween. However, I also work at a tutoring company, and one of my specialties is in a test that she has to take to change careers. I normally make $55/hour for tutoring this test, and that's much less than what the actual package costs if you go through the company. I think you might see where this is going. Initiate orbit beta cuck mode.
I begin driving to NYC 2-4 times a week, which costs well over $30 a trip in gas and tolls and an hour each direction, just to teach Shutashi how to get through this test so she can get a different high-paying job. This continues for over a month, and this whole time I am making it quite obvious (in my book) that I have interest in her. Eventually I had to make it blatantly obvious by inviting her to my company's Christmas dinner event, which is on a night-long cruise around the city (this is becoming a trope in my life). She agrees and I can't be more overjoyed.
I drive to pick her up and it takes us forever to reach the dock through the New York traffic and snow. We hop on the boat at the last second. Basically night goes as you would expect = she shows no interest in me whatsoever. I get drunk as fuck and drive her home.
Soon after, I sell my car to pay for some living expenses I accrued, so I can't travel to the city multiple times a week anymore because I'm now constrained by public transportation schedules. Communication pretty much stops as soon as I am no longer useful to Shutashi. I can no longer orbit her, provide her with free lessons, provide her with validation, so she no longer needs me.
Soon after, she finds a Chad lawyer and now they are married. She never changed careers, either. Just fuck. Guess I can't judge because I didn't change from being an orbiter after this experience.[/align]
After these and other experiences, I spent a couple years as what I considered to be a "volcel," thinking that I could just go out there and get myself a looksmatch girl if I wanted to because clearly Stacies weren't an option, but that I needed to work on my life situation first. Obviously I was just becoming an orbiter because I didn't have status, money, or good enough looks; so, if I get all of those, I'll be fine.
However, the loneliness became too much again, and I again thought that I could catch me a unicorn
#4 - Age 26
However, the loneliness became too much again, and I again thought that I could catch me a unicorn
#4 - Age 26
This story is the one I posted in the other thread, so I'll just cope+paste and alter it to fit a little here:
"ستيسي is a half-Paki girl I worked in a restaurant with years ago. We didn't talk much back then got along decently. Had a fat ass and decent tits, on the curvy side otherwise. Back then she was too young for me because of the age rule but last winter the limit was passed and she was coming back to the states after finishing up some of her education in Pakistan. Meanwhile we had been chatting over insta (I post photos of nature and skylines only because what else does an incel have to offer?), and she liked every one of my posts and seemed to initiate conversation often in what I perceived to be a flirty manner. Anyway, the stars aligned and I fought my racing heart and precipitous inhib to ask her out.
Results were the same as OP. 0 "chemistry," the playful banter was largely gone. It felt more like a business luncheon than a social outing. We hugged at the start because I initiated (still can't believe it) but in the end she just waved her hand and got in her car. Wasn't a date; was just a way for her to get validation and kill time.
Since then she's been featured in some articles online for winning some fitness award in Pakistan so her self-absorption is probably through the fucking roof. But it just goes to show how much of an idiot I was thinking I had scored a date and that chasing unicorns was a productive pastime."[/align]
"ستيسي is a half-Paki girl I worked in a restaurant with years ago. We didn't talk much back then got along decently. Had a fat ass and decent tits, on the curvy side otherwise. Back then she was too young for me because of the age rule but last winter the limit was passed and she was coming back to the states after finishing up some of her education in Pakistan. Meanwhile we had been chatting over insta (I post photos of nature and skylines only because what else does an incel have to offer?), and she liked every one of my posts and seemed to initiate conversation often in what I perceived to be a flirty manner. Anyway, the stars aligned and I fought my racing heart and precipitous inhib to ask her out.
Results were the same as OP. 0 "chemistry," the playful banter was largely gone. It felt more like a business luncheon than a social outing. We hugged at the start because I initiated (still can't believe it) but in the end she just waved her hand and got in her car. Wasn't a date; was just a way for her to get validation and kill time.
Since then she's been featured in some articles online for winning some fitness award in Pakistan so her self-absorption is probably through the fucking roof. But it just goes to show how much of an idiot I was thinking I had scored a date and that chasing unicorns was a productive pastime."[/align]
#5 - Age 27
It's the summer and I am taking summer courses because I am studycel incarnate. Still lonely as fuck, but super jaded after all the previous experiences I've had. Pretty much accepting of inceldom and the black pill, so seeking validation through super studying and achieving there, advancing my new career, getting to a point where I can be happy with what I'm doing and not be miserable like I am tutoring/consulting.
I come out of class and go to the bus stop because I'm still publictranspocel. Normally I sit on the benches there and smoke a cigarette because fuck my life anyway, who cares if I get cancer. However, when people are sitting on the benches, my high inhib kicks into overdrive because I don't want to inconvenience others with my smoke even though they hate me just by seeing me and especially seeing me smoke on campus like a degenerate so I lean against the bike rack like a true beta cuck. I come out of the classroom and I see that each bench has exactly one person sitting at it. Well, fuck, bike rack cuck time it is.
Then Stacy pulls out a cigarette and lights it on the nearest bench to me. I walk over and sit down on the bench a few feet away from her and say "thank god you smoke," because I fucking hate standing in the sun because I am an Eastern Europeancel. I feel like because of this unexpected turn of events I somehow tricked my mind into not putting up the high inhib in time for me to say that, but it caught up with me and hit my heart like a shot of adrenaline when Stacy looked up and I saw her face for the first time and realized she was wearing headphones, takes one out, and asks "What?" Just FML, high inhib kicked in super hard and I couldn't figure out if I should just leave or if I should actually repeat the stupid-as-fuck shit I said two seconds ago in a spurt of idiocy. I manage to stumble through my repeated sentence, and she just looks at me and says "...What?" This was like a trainwreck in slow motion. I reminded myself that I have no dignity left so I explained everything I wrote in the above paragraph: not wanting to inconvenience others, leaning on the bike rack, etc. She laughs at me, but who can blame her. Then she takes her headphones off and starts talking to me. What the fuck is going on?
We chat for about 15 minutes and in my opinion it felt like we really hit it off. It was too good to be true. She tells me about how she has anxiety about things like that too, so she totally relates. We exchange names and basic shit like what we study, etc. My bus comes and I let it leave, because I'll just catch the next one, but she doesn't have to know that right? Oh wait, there is only one bus that goes to this stop fucking LOL. Oops. Stacy asks "aren't you going to take that?" I tell her nah. She gets up less than 5 minutes later to go to class anyway, but now I have proven that I am a fucking NASA-certified orbiter with over a decade of experience.
We meet every day after my class, before hers. I bring her a fucking Russian chocolate because I am a super gag-worthy beta and trying to show her that I am interested in her. She says things like "Oh you're so thoughtful." "I really like talking to you." Fucking LOL at the emotional boner I got from these little pieces of validation. Also double LOL at how after so much experience in being a beta orbiter cuck, I still hadn't recognized that these were just gravity-enhancing techniques for making the orbiter really commit to the Stacy-planet.
Eventually I muster the balls to ask her out for a drink after her final. She says yes, and I sit and wait for her for 2 hours like a fucking cuck in the library. I am sitting reading some bullshit online listening to trap in my headphones when she comes up and sticks her nail in my neck to startle me. Well, being the super-tight-wound anxiety monster-beta that I am, I fucking jump up and nearly scream from the surprise, JUST LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I will never be masculine or cool in her eyes. It's over. But fuck it, we are going to get drinks, so I am in too much of a euphoria to care.
Sitting next to her on the tightly-packed bus, our arms touching, I practically have 20 orgasms. We get drinks and talk about our lives. We are both European, we both have dysfunctional families, we both have anxiety and depression (teehee), we are both in STEM more or less, yadda yadda. I'm on cloud 9 throughout all of this. She has to go to her next class though, so I walk her to the bus stop. This whole time, mind you that the poke in the neck and the arm-to-arm contact on the bus was the only physical contact we've had. No hugging. Nothing. And this is after 3 weeks of meeting 4 times/day. Anyway, when her bus comes she says "we should do this again." Adds me on Facebook (where I have no pictures of my face, for obvious reasons). I am ecstatic.
I go home and check Facebook. No relationship status. Fuck yes. I click on her photos and start to creep. Get about 2-3 photos in and I see her with some Chad, caption "love you boo <3". Fuck. I click on "boo's" profile. Relationship status: in a relationship with Stacy. My blood boils. I drink myself into oblivion.
This part is when it gets truly sad. I think to myself, "Why has she not mentioned Chad? We've talked for hours by now, and talked about our whole lives at the bar. Maybe they are broken up and he is still clinging to hope?" Not wanting to broach the topic myself because I'm a pussy, I scheme to make her mine. I start bringing a different Russian chocolate every day. I skip my bus regularly to get 5 extra minutes with her. I start gymceling hard while she is in class and keep trying to catch her after I'm done so we can both take the bus back together (but I fail each time, as the buses come in 15 minute increments and her class doesn't have a set end-time). Ask her out for drinks again. I meet her on the day, wearing the best clothes I have. "Is it okay if my friend comes?" What kind of a moron would I be if I said "No?" Just FML.
Her female friend arrives and immediately begins asking about Chad the boyfriend. "Oh, we've been dating for 3 years, I guess I love him." My beta orbiter status is cemented. It almost felt like a set-up, too, because this is the first mention I've heard of Chad throughout this whole time and it came from her friend. It's almost like the friend was invited to break the news to me in a way that Stacy might consider to be "letting me down easy." I suffer through two more hours of hanging out as I pound beers. In the end, her friend gives me a hug, before Stacy ever has. Stacy must've felt bad and gave me a pity hug too.
And I keep orbiting for another week and a half until the summer half-semester is over. She moves in with Chad about 2 hours away at a beachfront villa. I'm devastated, as my planet has left me. And I am still, so so lonely. I text her and she answers over a week later saying "oh hey sorry I missed your text, haha my phone was broken!" I stop texting her. Just FML.
A few months later I run into Stacy as I am smoking outside a bar between games of pool with my friend. "Hey blickpall! Omg what are you doing here?" My heart nearly leaps out of my throat because she still looks incredible and my old feelings I thought I buried and blackpilled away resurface, just like that. Invites me to get drinks and food with her and her friend, who is some other Chad. The four of us get drinks and food. Then we go our separate ways. My friend, the same one who asked me for Sutasi's number, is like "Bro she is so fucking hot, how come you didn't try to go with her?" Well bro, it's because I know it's over. He asked me for her number too and I gave it to him.
This time, I never reached out to her again, because I have fully accepted the black pill. That's how I came to love the black pill and stopped chasing unicorns.[/align]
I come out of class and go to the bus stop because I'm still publictranspocel. Normally I sit on the benches there and smoke a cigarette because fuck my life anyway, who cares if I get cancer. However, when people are sitting on the benches, my high inhib kicks into overdrive because I don't want to inconvenience others with my smoke even though they hate me just by seeing me and especially seeing me smoke on campus like a degenerate so I lean against the bike rack like a true beta cuck. I come out of the classroom and I see that each bench has exactly one person sitting at it. Well, fuck, bike rack cuck time it is.
Then Stacy pulls out a cigarette and lights it on the nearest bench to me. I walk over and sit down on the bench a few feet away from her and say "thank god you smoke," because I fucking hate standing in the sun because I am an Eastern Europeancel. I feel like because of this unexpected turn of events I somehow tricked my mind into not putting up the high inhib in time for me to say that, but it caught up with me and hit my heart like a shot of adrenaline when Stacy looked up and I saw her face for the first time and realized she was wearing headphones, takes one out, and asks "What?" Just FML, high inhib kicked in super hard and I couldn't figure out if I should just leave or if I should actually repeat the stupid-as-fuck shit I said two seconds ago in a spurt of idiocy. I manage to stumble through my repeated sentence, and she just looks at me and says "...What?" This was like a trainwreck in slow motion. I reminded myself that I have no dignity left so I explained everything I wrote in the above paragraph: not wanting to inconvenience others, leaning on the bike rack, etc. She laughs at me, but who can blame her. Then she takes her headphones off and starts talking to me. What the fuck is going on?
We chat for about 15 minutes and in my opinion it felt like we really hit it off. It was too good to be true. She tells me about how she has anxiety about things like that too, so she totally relates. We exchange names and basic shit like what we study, etc. My bus comes and I let it leave, because I'll just catch the next one, but she doesn't have to know that right? Oh wait, there is only one bus that goes to this stop fucking LOL. Oops. Stacy asks "aren't you going to take that?" I tell her nah. She gets up less than 5 minutes later to go to class anyway, but now I have proven that I am a fucking NASA-certified orbiter with over a decade of experience.
We meet every day after my class, before hers. I bring her a fucking Russian chocolate because I am a super gag-worthy beta and trying to show her that I am interested in her. She says things like "Oh you're so thoughtful." "I really like talking to you." Fucking LOL at the emotional boner I got from these little pieces of validation. Also double LOL at how after so much experience in being a beta orbiter cuck, I still hadn't recognized that these were just gravity-enhancing techniques for making the orbiter really commit to the Stacy-planet.
Eventually I muster the balls to ask her out for a drink after her final. She says yes, and I sit and wait for her for 2 hours like a fucking cuck in the library. I am sitting reading some bullshit online listening to trap in my headphones when she comes up and sticks her nail in my neck to startle me. Well, being the super-tight-wound anxiety monster-beta that I am, I fucking jump up and nearly scream from the surprise, JUST LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I will never be masculine or cool in her eyes. It's over. But fuck it, we are going to get drinks, so I am in too much of a euphoria to care.
Sitting next to her on the tightly-packed bus, our arms touching, I practically have 20 orgasms. We get drinks and talk about our lives. We are both European, we both have dysfunctional families, we both have anxiety and depression (teehee), we are both in STEM more or less, yadda yadda. I'm on cloud 9 throughout all of this. She has to go to her next class though, so I walk her to the bus stop. This whole time, mind you that the poke in the neck and the arm-to-arm contact on the bus was the only physical contact we've had. No hugging. Nothing. And this is after 3 weeks of meeting 4 times/day. Anyway, when her bus comes she says "we should do this again." Adds me on Facebook (where I have no pictures of my face, for obvious reasons). I am ecstatic.
I go home and check Facebook. No relationship status. Fuck yes. I click on her photos and start to creep. Get about 2-3 photos in and I see her with some Chad, caption "love you boo <3". Fuck. I click on "boo's" profile. Relationship status: in a relationship with Stacy. My blood boils. I drink myself into oblivion.
This part is when it gets truly sad. I think to myself, "Why has she not mentioned Chad? We've talked for hours by now, and talked about our whole lives at the bar. Maybe they are broken up and he is still clinging to hope?" Not wanting to broach the topic myself because I'm a pussy, I scheme to make her mine. I start bringing a different Russian chocolate every day. I skip my bus regularly to get 5 extra minutes with her. I start gymceling hard while she is in class and keep trying to catch her after I'm done so we can both take the bus back together (but I fail each time, as the buses come in 15 minute increments and her class doesn't have a set end-time). Ask her out for drinks again. I meet her on the day, wearing the best clothes I have. "Is it okay if my friend comes?" What kind of a moron would I be if I said "No?" Just FML.
Her female friend arrives and immediately begins asking about Chad the boyfriend. "Oh, we've been dating for 3 years, I guess I love him." My beta orbiter status is cemented. It almost felt like a set-up, too, because this is the first mention I've heard of Chad throughout this whole time and it came from her friend. It's almost like the friend was invited to break the news to me in a way that Stacy might consider to be "letting me down easy." I suffer through two more hours of hanging out as I pound beers. In the end, her friend gives me a hug, before Stacy ever has. Stacy must've felt bad and gave me a pity hug too.
And I keep orbiting for another week and a half until the summer half-semester is over. She moves in with Chad about 2 hours away at a beachfront villa. I'm devastated, as my planet has left me. And I am still, so so lonely. I text her and she answers over a week later saying "oh hey sorry I missed your text, haha my phone was broken!" I stop texting her. Just FML.
A few months later I run into Stacy as I am smoking outside a bar between games of pool with my friend. "Hey blickpall! Omg what are you doing here?" My heart nearly leaps out of my throat because she still looks incredible and my old feelings I thought I buried and blackpilled away resurface, just like that. Invites me to get drinks and food with her and her friend, who is some other Chad. The four of us get drinks and food. Then we go our separate ways. My friend, the same one who asked me for Sutasi's number, is like "Bro she is so fucking hot, how come you didn't try to go with her?" Well bro, it's because I know it's over. He asked me for her number too and I gave it to him.
This time, I never reached out to her again, because I have fully accepted the black pill. That's how I came to love the black pill and stopped chasing unicorns.[/align]
TL;DR: Moral of the stories:
Going on a date doesn't mean shit. Going out for drinks doesn't mean shit. Spending time with Stacy doesn't mean shit. Getting compliments doesn't mean shit. Getting little bits of verbal and friendly non-verbal validation doesn't mean shit. Orbiting accomplishes nothing. There is naught but misery from chasing unicorns. The black pill will set you free, do not fight it.
And if you think I'm a fakecel and that my life isn't miserable because Stacies have allowed me in their presence, then go fuck yourself.
